So, you’re looking for a soulmate? Well, you’ve got it wrong!
Don’t look for a soulmate but look for a lifemate.
When you have made it a goal to find a soulmate in order to have a meaningful connection with someone who could be your mirror, you’re setting yourself for failure because a soulmate is not meant to last. However, a life mate is meant to last. So which one do you prefer?
Most people believe that when they meet their soulmate, they will:
- Be able to be fully themselves and be accepted as they are;
- Feel worthy of existence;
- Have a meaning for life.
Do you believe that too? Well, that was me three years ago. After meeting my soulmate and experiencing this amazing connection, and then separation, I understood the dangers of thinking this way.
Here are 3 myths about a soulmate and 3 facts about a lifemate.
Soulmate myth #1 : You will feel whole
You believe that when you meet your soulmate, you’ll find a sort of salvation. All the feelings of emptiness will disappear.
Know that it is temporary.
While the different chemicals released in your brain after the reunion with your soulmate dissipate (the perfect phase), the real work of seeing your own soul and cleansing will start. It is painful. Really!
Soulmate myth #2: Everything will be perfect
When you find a mirror to your soul, everything is perfect at the beginning. You see your reflection… on the surface. The reflection of the ego.
And then, you will see all the imperfections of your own soul.
After the perfect phase, you will project on your partner all your imperfections without realizing they are yours. Every single trauma or childhood issue will come to surface because your partner will trigger that.
Are you codependent? Are you a narcissist? Are you confident? You will attract the opposite of you, always, even if in the moment, you’ll think you’ve attracted someone similar to you.
So be aware of your patterns when you’re looking for a soulmate.
Soulmate myth #3 : You will receive unconditional love and acceptance
You’re waiting for the unconditional love that every child should receive from birth to age two. But it is an illusion. Unconditional love as an adult doesn’t exist.
Love and acceptance from others are conditional. Only self love and self acceptance are unconditional. When you are able to reach the perfection of unconditional self love and acceptance, then you’ll meet someone who will not reject you. And it won’t even matter. Because you won’t reject or self-abandon yourself.
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Lifemate fact #1: Your partner is a friend above all
A lifemate is a friend with whom you share more than simple physical attraction. It’s beyond the ego recognition of the soulmate.
When you are with your friends, you show interest and excitement when they talk about their day. You often use humor or validate their experiences and feelings too. You speak to them with amusement and joy.
Friends are people that you respect and you see as your equals. And even if they have different interests and display an opinion different from yours, you don’t take it personally and you don’t reject or blame them for that.
You never feel lonely with a good friend and a life mate is a very good friend.
Lifemate fact #2: You are in synchrony on basic values and goals
A lifemate is someone who is becoming your family and is part of your everyday life. This is why a relationship with a lifemate is built beyond physical attraction and intense emotional connection.
With a lifemate, you :
- Have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life;
- Have similar philosophies about balancing work and family life;
- Share similar values in your roles as lovers and partners;
- Have similar values about the importance and meaning of money in your life;
- Have similar values about “autonomy” and “independence”.
In short, you are in synchrony on basic values and goals. Are you aware of your values? Do you know your goals? Maybe it’s time to assess them before manifesting your lifemate.
Lifemate fact #3: You support each other’s dreams
With a lifemate, you see the bigger picture because it involves building a life together. You live beyond your own ego recognition and you can easily project yourself long term with your lifemate. So what’s important for you? What’s important for your partner? You know each other’s dreams and support each.
You are not in the way of each other’s dreams but rather make their life dreams and aspirations come true, even if it conflicts with yours. You work it out without resentment. You honor one another life’s dreams and create shared meaning.
So can you tell your partner’s life dreams? And do you know yours?
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If you still think you should attract a soulmate, I hope you meet yours. But know that if you are looking for someone who stays and lasts, work on attracting a lifemate, not a soulmate. Words are powerful.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Christiana Rivers on Unsplash