It did not take me long to find inspirational topics to write about during my recent visit to Spain. The first thing that caught my eye was a sign in the corner of a small tapas restaurant in Madrid. It contained this quote from Mexican painter Frida Kahlo,
“Take a lover who looks at you and sees magic.”
I have to admit; Kahlo’s wisdom was foreign to me. Not once had I lived out my loves in such a fashion. Having spent a lifetime convinced I had to become the person my love partner wanted me to be, I could not concede to Kahlo’s concept.
Yet, something about it captivated my imagination. Could this be true? Is there really someone out there who notices my wrinkles and thinning hairline and sees magic? Can another person know my peculiar idiosyncrasies and find them endearing? Is it possible there is a person who would find my lack of fashion sense and lousy golf game enchanting?
Truth is Kahlo’s advice is contrary to what I have always done. She made me realize that, although I have listed before everything I wanted in a lover, I never required them to see me as special and wonderful. Up to now, I believed it was my job to convince them I was worthy of their love. The truth in Kahlo’s quote shines a light on the immaturity of my approach.
I am not alone in this
If online dating is any sign, I am not the only one who looks at love in this manner. As a seasoned veteran of online dating, I have noticed that the profiles from most of the women referred to me by the particular system (Match.com, Bumble, Zoosk, etc.) seem more like a resume from someone looking to fill a vacant position. Or many are like mine, where the list of requirements for the sought-after individual seems paramount to the way we insist on special options before we buy a car;
“I’m looking for a woman who is taller than 5’- 6”, a good dancer, has an athletic build, has leather seats and four all-season radial tires.”
Ok, I exaggerated a bit, but you get the picture.
The heart wants what the heart wants, I get that, but is there really someone out there who would turn down a beautiful, talented and accomplished woman (or man) because she is only 5’- 3” tall? That would be as silly as rejecting someone for being left-handed. But that doesn’t stop us from going out there with our list of requirements.
Kahlo’s wisdom trumps over all of this. She requires that our lover see us—exactly as we are—and beholds our magnificence. Not included in her quote, but also just as important, is that you see the magic in the person you love as well.
Accepting this new understanding implies we are magic, and that our luck at love will be much better if we look for a romantic partner who sees us as such.
Seeing the magic begins with us
The more I ponder this the more I believe Kahlo is right, but I also understand that no one can perceive the magic in us if we don’t see it ourselves.
My earlier self-references in this article illustrate how negatively I see the signs of aging. Yet I know that my wrinkles and thinning hairline are well earned. They are a sign of the magical wisdom I possess because of the experiences I have lived through. I am mistakenly allowing our culture’s focus on youth to undermine the opinion I have of myself. Need to stop doing that crap.
What “blemishes” do you focus on? Isn’t it wonderful to think your true beauty would captivate someone else and they wouldn’t even notice the things that bother you? Even better, wouldn’t it be great if we saw ourselves as magic and stopped focusing on our silly hang-ups? You can bet it will be hard for you to accept someone else sees your beauty if you don’t acknowledge it yourself.
We should hold all of our relationships to this standard
It is because love is a part of all relationships that I believe this principle should also apply to friends and family. What is the point of having a friend if he/she only sees your flaws? Don’t waste your time with people who don’t see you as someone special and wonderful, even if they have your blood.
Where are the right places to find love?
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. Every place is the right place to find love as long as you love yourself. Start there and the Universe will conspire.
As always, wishing you a life filled with joy, love, and serenity.
Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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