It was an exciting day because you did something new.
You went out, built up the courage to say ‘hi’, and walked away with her number.
Now the question is, how do you follow up to get a date?
It’s a simple process but one that gives many guys anxiety. And as simple as it is, a lot of guys get this part wrong and end up losing romantic opportunities.
As long as you approach women the right way, following up with a text msg should be the easiest part. Surprisingly though, texting seems to be one of the biggest questions on many guys minds.
When following up to get a first date, or even a second date, here are some things to keep in mind:
Have something to say
If you text a woman with “Hey, how’s it going?” it doesn’t leave much for her to respond to. You’re going to get “Good” or something similar which doesn’t lead into anything significant.
This is setting yourself up to do more work to make a conversation happen.
Always ask questions which can’t be answered with a single word.
Don’t act shy about asking for a date
It doesn’t pay to be shy now that you’re trying to set up the first date. Overcome shyness by practicing assertiveness and getting to the point.
She already knows why you’re messaging. That was the point of talking to her in the first place, so make it painless by letting her know what you want.
Ok, so how exactly does a guy ask out a woman without asking her? The answer is simple: use statements.
Instead of saying, “Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?” phrase it as, “Let’s grab a coffee sometime.” It comes across more assertively and sounds confident.
It’s no Jedi mind trick, but being assertive is attractive to women. Making this small change will have an affect on how potential dates respond to you, and how you feel about yourself. Confidence is an asset.
Don’t “Game” Her
This seems to be more of a problem for younger guys who’ve read The Game and have learned a warped version of dating.
Although social skills are crucial, trying to be a psychologist who’s pressing different buttons to get a reaction will end up coming across as being fake.
And it is.
This is one area where ‘be yourself’ rings true. Of course, who comes out when being yourself comes down to your character. If you don’t like that person then confidence coaching might be a good idea.
The main rule of thumb is just don’t play games. Be open about your interest.
Don’t wait too long
The ‘three day rule’ is one of the worst dating ideas to ever be perpetuated. I understand why many guys follow it though. It’s an attempt to not look needy.
Maybe it’s too obvious to mention, but the best way to not look needy is by eliminating neediness. This comes back to our character, and character guides behavior. Neediness is a good sign that there is something to work on.
Barring neediness, waiting too long to send her a message creates a cooling off period. Lifes busy, and she’s going to forget what she felt when you talked to her all those days ago.
Other guys are going to show up too, and your odds are going to go down.
To avoid cooling things off, message the same day you met. Even if you don’t meet until later in the week, momentum will have been created.
Ask on the first message
If your approach was good then she’s already going to be interested in meeting. Texting her to get into a back and forth conversation isn’t necessary.
This something a lot of passive guys will have trouble with. It feels “too quick”. It’s really just a hidden worry about being turned down. When assertiveness isn’t exercised, it will feel awkward.
She knows why you got her number so now all you need to do is ask her out.
Don’t try to be funny
Humor is great when done properly. When it’s not done well though, it can be a big turn off. Just as you don’t have to get into a conversation to set up the date, humor isn’t necessary neither. Save the jokes for your date.
Having said that, some guys are good at funny text and won’t have a problem with it.
I’ve seen a lot of guys lose opportunities because they left their potential date hanging. It often goes like this:
“Hey Jen, we should get together later in the week.”
“Sure! Let’s do that.”
When you ask someone out make sure to be specific and decisive. Don’t wait for her to suggest a spot or activity. She’s already interested, so after you find out which day works for both of you, suggest the time and place.
So, your date is set for the end of the week. Should you do ‘maintenance’ text to keep her interest?
The vast majority of the time this isn’t going to be necessary. Texting too much can be overbearing for someone you’ve just met.
It’s also a major distraction for yourself, especially if you’re a busy man.
This doesn’t mean you can’t text at all though. Just let her initiate the conversation if she feels like chatting.
Confirm the date
It’s not the best feeling to show up for a date only to end up dating yourself. This is why a follow up is always a good idea. Especially if the date was set up more than 4 days earlier.
When you follow up assume that she’s still coming. Don’t ask her, “Are you still OK for tomorrow?” This comes across as insecure because it sounds like you’re either worried or don’t believe she’ll actually come.
Instead, say “Hey Charlotte, I’ll be outside of the Starbucks tomorrow at 6. See you then.”
All you have to do is mention where you’ll be at and the time.
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Originally published on Zoosk.com
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