Boys learn to chase girls in high school and college. Those early teen experiences shape much of the way men think about relationships. For many men, they find themselves married, with children, a job and the game is over. But for other men, those who have either not been married by their 40s or are facing a post divorce life in their 40s, there’s a lot of good news that they need to know about.
In youth, the game of sexual relationships is played according to the rules dictated by women. That’s mostly a matter of biology to be honest. Young women of child bearing age have a clock ticking and they know that they need to find the most suitable father for their children. They withhold their sexual favors while they are wooed by men. In the calculus of relationships, people figure out their own worth, and then effectively try to engage with someone of equivalent or better value.
This works quite well for the procreation of the species. But we were not necessarily built for relationships that last forever. People grow and change. So often these days men find themselves single again in their late 30s or early 40s. They come to me and share their pain and concerns that they have to start dating again.
This is when I get to share with them the good news. For men, the game has changed in our favor. A 45-year-old-man is now a target, not the hunter. It is much easier for a man in his 40s to find desirable dating partners of the female persuasion.
I say this because it is true. You need only look at the numbers to figure out why. To begin with, there are more women than men in society. It’s about a 60/40 split, and the women live longer than the men. In later years, the gender gap becomes even wider as men tend to die earlier than women..
The other factor that many men forget about is that many of the guys they used to compete with, are now out of the game. Either they are married, or gay. Some have just given up on relationships after being burned a couple of times. So there’s less competition, and more hunters.
Finally the biggest factor that an older man has in his favor is that he can now date easily 20 years below him and few people think there is anything wrong with it. So a 45-year-old-man dating a 25-year-old-woman is cool. Which means that a man gets the entire pool of women from 25-60 to date and he can have his pick.
For women, it’s a rough road. I am convinced that what drives so much of the hurt and anger in divorces is the knowledge, whether conscious or subconscious, that she’s competing with all the other women from 25 – 60. A woman who is divorced at 45 has a slim chance of finding another husband because a 45-year-old-man, can and likely will be dating a 35- or 25-year-old-woman.
But for guys who are facing a new life of dating post divorce – the options are many, and the joys are plentiful. You’re much more attractive to women, and those hotties that ignored you 20 years ago, they’d kill for you now.
So to the men I say, hit the gym, drop a few, increase the cardio (you’ll need it!) and get ready for a new lease on life. You’ve got some serious dating to do to make up for lost time.