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Boys learn to chase girls in high school and college. Those early teen experiences shape much of the way men think about relationships. For many men, they find themselves married, with children, a job and the game is over. But for other men, those who have either not been married by their 40s or are facing a post divorce life in their 40s, there’s a lot of good news that they need to know about.
In youth, the game of sexual relationships is played according to the rules dictated by women. That’s mostly a matter of biology to be honest. Young women of child bearing age have a clock ticking and they know that they need to find the most suitable father for their children. They withhold their sexual favors while they are wooed by men. In the calculus of relationships, people figure out their own worth, and then effectively try to engage with someone of equivalent or better value.
This works quite well for the procreation of the species. But we were not necessarily built for relationships that last forever. People grow and change. So often these days men find themselves single again in their late 30s or early 40s. They come to me and share their pain and concerns that they have to start dating again.
This is when I get to share with them the good news. For men, the game has changed in our favor. A 45-year-old-man is now a target, not the hunter. It is much easier for a man in his 40s to find desirable dating partners of the female persuasion.
I say this because it is true. You need only look at the numbers to figure out why. To begin with, there are more women than men in society. It’s about a 60/40 split, and the women live longer than the men. In later years, the gender gap becomes even wider as men tend to die earlier than women..
The other factor that many men forget about is that many of the guys they used to compete with, are now out of the game. Either they are married, or gay. Some have just given up on relationships after being burned a couple of times. So there’s less competition, and more hunters.
Finally the biggest factor that an older man has in his favor is that he can now date easily 20 years below him and few people think there is anything wrong with it. So a 45-year-old-man dating a 25-year-old-woman is cool. Which means that a man gets the entire pool of women from 25-60 to date and he can have his pick.
For women, it’s a rough road. I am convinced that what drives so much of the hurt and anger in divorces is the knowledge, whether conscious or subconscious, that she’s competing with all the other women from 25 – 60. A woman who is divorced at 45 has a slim chance of finding another husband because a 45-year-old-man, can and likely will be dating a 35- or 25-year-old-woman.
But for guys who are facing a new life of dating post divorce – the options are many, and the joys are plentiful. You’re much more attractive to women, and those hotties that ignored you 20 years ago, they’d kill for you now.
So to the men I say, hit the gym, drop a few, increase the cardio (you’ll need it!) and get ready for a new lease on life. You’ve got some serious dating to do to make up for lost time.
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Photo: GettyImages
You are absolutely delusional bro. 25 year old women don’t want 45 year old men unless they are really rich. We always seem to keep telling ourselves we can get “younger” women to boost our egos. Sadly it ain’t true. Sorry but you better have some serious cash for that. Money talks if you wanna score that kinda pussy.
From the looks of this guy, the only way he can get laid is in a rigged game. He needs all the decent men to be out of the picture and enjoys what he thinks is a shifting of the tides. Gross and near predatory.
You’ve got to be kidding me, young women don’t talk to old men because they’re after them, they talk to them because they’re “safe”, they think this sweet old guy who reminds me of my dad would never try to get into my pants like the young guys do so I can trust him. That’s the reason old men find young women talk to them more, they’re thinking they won’t be hassled, they’ll even flirt to watch their reaction old men being more reactive to women in general it’s fodder for giggles with their friends (it’s a game for them,… Read more »
What a bunch of BS. First off, why would a 20 something go out with a 40 something? UNLESS, He is extremely good looking, looks far younger than his age or is wealthy. Sorry guys, that is how women think. Also most guys 40 plus, are fat, dumpy, balding, greying. Hell, 40 something women, who look good don’t want to date them. I think this guy is blowing smoke up your asses. Ask yourself also how much money you want to spend on this shallow expedition? Most young women, don’t have good jobs yet, and are high maintenance and expect… Read more »
No matter how old you are! You can find your love on victoriyaclub.com. I’m a real proof.
An effort to show that men are so desirable in their 40s is fine, but not at the cost of making comparisons and devaluing women. Divorce always doesn’t mean a second innings to begin, many women who divorce late, prefers not to dig another pitfall. Most women who have kids and had to seek divorce feel more responsible towards their children than their own pleasure, that concern shouldn’t be related with slim chances. Women who want to get married at 40s do find partners, though only a few wise men are left around who don’t run around seeking girls in… Read more »
Rajashree, Thank you for this lovely comment. As a man, some days I look around at us men and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Perhaps I should do both to be honest. Many of us have genuinely been deprived of human affection and attention in life. So, I can understand much of what I see around me. But, what really baffles me to no end is our obsession with young women. Is it biology as the evolutionary psychologists would have us believe? Or is it sociology? Is it the media? Perhaps, to borrower a page from the… Read more »
Jules thanks for your opinion.
Well age gap is personal choice & I better not say on others choices, but yes what I personally feel is that too much age gap is equal to a generation gap & that says it all.
People of same age or (+/-) 2 / 3 will age together n evolve in the same pace.
My main reason of sharing views was that women’s choice should not be taken as their inabilities.
David Pisarra “A woman who is divorced at 45 has a slim chance of finding another husband” ” You’re much more attractive to women, and those hotties that ignored you 20 years ago, they’d kill for you now.” This is not the whole truth David. I think some men will disagree with me in what I say here,but I think this article needs to be met with some criticisms. It is unethical, and if I may be totally honest I think it is stupid. You write as if men suddenly change into perfect men when they become middle aged and… Read more »
Iben,
Great reply!!!!
You have spoken and written the TRUTH!
This piece is very degrading toward women and certainly not what I think about when I think about what a good man is. This is the same old stuff we hear often on our culture about how some older men want to make it seem like they are more valuable then their female peers. And that’s all this piece is. It’s just another older man trying to make himself feel better about being older and justifying objectifying and using women by trying to lay claim to having more power and social importance over women. Older men can be great as… Read more »
Please elaborate on why you find the article offensive because I read it completely different. All the writer was saying is that if you are single at 45 or 50 that you have the option of dating from 25 and up. Not that you HAVE to but that you can. I don’t find anything wrong with that but maybe you could point out something I am not seeing
Erin
I see you have more compassion here than me.
My comment has revenge in it and that is not a good thing,but why do we have to accept this kind of nonsense?
This article triggered very negative feelings inside of me.
And if 45 women and older are so terrible partner I guess we can expect Obama to dump his wife soon,and the new president to be will also soon throw out his wife.
They are 45+ ,are they not,and faaaaaaar to old and unattractive for any man .
Your response was complelety true Iben. I don’t feel revenge from you. Actually, I think this piece is trying to peddle some weird revenge against women. It is a weird , degrading article but it feeds into what some men “hope” is true because they want to believe that women don’t experience pain in dating when they are younger and they want to believe they are more valuable over women especially as they get older. Neither of which is true. Believe me, I have no compassion for this ignorant piece of writing. It’s a ridiculously degrading piece against women and… Read more »
Women 25-60 are not on this planet to compete for that one guy’s attention or contribution to her life. Just as many men who have “left the game” because they are gay or burned out on trying is represented by women as well. Not all women want same age partners….that 45 year old woman may be just as happy with a 55 year old man as with someone 10 years younger. Although I am sure this is a fluff piece intended on making men feel better about being older in the dating pool – please try to find a way… Read more »
Author: “Many of the guys they used to compete with, are now out of the game.”
>>>
That’s the one thing pretty much everyone can agree upon: It’s a fucking game. It’s got winners and losers, and all too often it sucks.
Sucks to be broke, sucks to be fat, sucks to be socially awkward, etc etc etc.
I’m not a MGTOW myself, but it’s hard to fault their logic.
MrCheez, go MGTOW all the way and experience a world you never dreamed existed. Remember, MGTOW is a deep philosophy of which women are only a minor chapter. Granted, women are often the catalyst that causes MGTOW to find a man, but they are not what the philosophy is about. Cheers.
Older men are nicer, because young men are no where near ready to settle untill they are at least 30. Older men have more to talk about, and are more interesting conversation, are funnier and show a little more respect. I’m attracted to older men myself. Guys today don’t have a clue.
There are a lot of women eager to date older men. I was surprised
“They withhold their sexual favors while they are wooed by men.” What a load of PUA crap where women plot to only allow the most alpha males into their bodies. Dr. Nerdlove says the decision to have sex is a risk/rewards decision. Will the sex be worth the risk? For women the risks are much higher: pregnancy, STDs, sl*t shamming, personal safety. Most of these risks men never face. So rather than making women the gatekeepers and sex a prize that must be won, try lowering the risks for women. Take responsibility for birth control, keep your mouth shut about… Read more »
Robert, thank you, thank you, thank you. Spot on.
First of all, any man who dates a woman 20 years younger than him is going through a mid life crisis and / or a candidate for pedophilia. Doing that is simply despicable and those people are hardly worth the title ‘man’. They are boys at best… and creeps/rapist/undesirables at worst. Women at age 40+ are FAR more choosy because they know damn well they have nothing to lose and would probably have no problems being alone for the rest of their lives anyway. And most of all, they’ve worked out the little insecurities that young girls have that make… Read more »
You think a 45 year old man dating. 25 year old woman is equivalent to a child molester?
When I was 25, I looked very young. When I went out with coworkers, someone once thought I was one of my coworkers underaged daughter. So it depends. But seriously, if you are a 45 year old guy dating a 25 year old woman you are either emotionally immature or you like having power over your partner. There is no 25/40 relationship where those two are truly equals. It’s just not possible based on pure life experience. Unless you’ve been very sheltered as a 45 year old man.
I’m 41 and recently dated a 28 year old which is not much different than what you’re saying. We met at a farmers market because we both share an appreciation for locally grown and organic food. We both have daughters. I served in the Marines and the Army and she served in the Air Force and we both served in Iraq. We both have the same political views and have the same humor. She’s a doctor and I am a lowly IT Help Desk guy. When you shut yourself off from even considering something and put limitations on who and… Read more »
I don’t agree about pedophilia, but yeah, I’m far choosier than I was in my 20s, because I KNOW way more. I can spot red flags I couldn’t then. I also have children now, so that of course makes me a lot more cautious.
This is only true if a man does not have any standards and is willing to f**k anything.
Hahahaha! As a 40-year-old woman (with three little kids to boot), I can tell you that I’ve had NO lack of interest from many very eligible, successful guys (some my age, some younger, some older). And that’s without ever lifting my finger to make the first move. If you want to pretend that 25-year-olds are interested in something beside your checkbook, go ahead. But go ahead and keep trying to encourage “Good Men” to hook up with women who could be their daughters. (And for what it’s worth, I didn’t reject guys in my 20s based on their looks, and… Read more »
“If you want to pretend that 25-year-olds are interested in something beside your checkbook, go ahead. But go ahead and keep trying to encourage “Good Men” to hook up with women who could be their daughters.” Well, I guess the 25 year olds are not all that different from many of the 40-50 year olds. Generally speaking I would tend to agree with you. A lot of these very young women date these older men for the finance thingy. However, there are many who are willing to experiment these days. Younger women are very open to a lot of things.… Read more »
I’m a 41 year old father of two and to say I was middle class would be a stretch.
The last girl I dated was a 28 year old doctor. Before her, I was in a 10 year relationship with a woman 10 years younger than me. I just happened to be a great father and a fun person. What I lack in money I make up for in just being a decent human being. Believe it or not there are woman who actually appreciate that.
If you were in a 10-year relationship with a woman 10 years younger than you and dated for 10 years, then you met when she was at most 21 and you were 31 (and since it doesn’t sound like a recent breakup, I’m guessing it was more in her late teens and you were in your late 20s). That’s actually kind of gross.
I think your comment is both gross and dumb.
Actually she was 21 and I was 31 and it has been pretty recent. I had just went through a divorce and I am a very introverted person so she approached me. Would I date that same girl that I am now 41 probably not because I am not the same person I was at 31 just as she is not the same person she was 10 years ago. All the writer is trying to say is that don’t be scared of dating in your 40s. Yes, most women my age are married or in a relationship but you can… Read more »
*wouldnt bother me
Wouldn’t the reduced competition derived from more openly gay men be nullified by a similar proportion of gay women?
That age range seems generous as far as what is typically socially acceptable, but even so, I don’t hate the picture you paint.
0_o
Seriously…?
First of all, not only are many of the guys they (we) used to compete with, now are out of the game. About as many women to compete about are also out of the game.