Number 8 in a Series
Conventional thinking reduces sex to a performance designed to produce better sexual gymnasts. With all the advertisements proclaiming the wonders of pills that produce erection aids to stimulate orgasm and enhancement surgeries, it’s no wonder that most sexual discussions focus on sex as merely a physical act.
Although sex talk is all around, most people remain largely ignorant about the role of sex in bringing us what we truly want. Frantically searching for the elusive prize of sexual satisfaction, while remaining clueless about the heart of sexuality, will never result in sexual fulfillment.
Lovers opening their hearts and letting their loving feelings guide them produce intimate sex. Rather than wanting to get love, they are giving love.
Rather than a race between two competitors running in their own lanes and focused on a finish line, heart-connected lovers dance an improvisational journey with no pre-conceived notions of what the experience should be. There is only the moment and whatever happens is a result of clear verbal and non-verbal communication.
Heartfelt sexual experiences have many different and often unexpected flavors. Being totally present in the oneness of the moment determines the next moment. Responses to what each person experiences weave a unique route. The finish line is not predetermined. One person might reach the finish line ahead of the other. They might reach it simultaneously. Or, one or both may have decided on a different finish line.
Conventional wisdom teaches that sex becomes routine over time. Experiencing the new dimensions that heart-connected conversations can bring to a relationship makes that idea obsolete. The more lovers unburden from their sexual baggage, the closer they get and the more delicious becomes their sex. No matter how many times the dance is done, the path is never the same and the forms never get old even as they do. And, with a heart on, Viagra is not needed.
The following illustration is an example of sexual intimacy. It occurred after a rather lengthy discussion about a particularly difficult subject had interrupted a sexual experience. Although during the discussion sexual feelings had gotten turned off, and both partners were exhausted, they felt heard, respected and complete.
As we lay there I began caressing her and to my amazement, my sexual feelings began to stir. We looked at each other and playfully smiled. Looking into her eyes I experienced her magnificence. True, she had always been beautiful to me, but this time I saw beyond the physical into the special place where the unadulterated soft and innocent person resided.
I reached over and put on some of our favorite romantic music. I allowed the music to inform my hands. Depending on where the notes directed, they circled or stroked, lingered or roamed. She lay back with eyes closed allowing delightful feelings to fill her entire body.
When she opened her eyes and saw me lovingly looking at her she luxuriated in a wave of passion. She expressed these feelings and then increased her pleasure by touching me in unison with my touch.
After a few minutes, she began pleasuring me. I lay back and surrendered. Knowing my preference not to be touched for a long time in any one place, she traveled my body with delicate hands and soft kisses.
Eventually, I rolled into one of our favorite positions where I could be inside her without having my weight on her and we were still able to look at each other. We remained in that position for a long time moving slowly, caressing each other, and exchanging smiles and kisses.
As we shared this deep connection, music from “Les Miserables” played in the background. When Jean Valjean sang, “To love another person is to see the face of God,” pent-up tears of love and joy began taking their leave. I shuddered slightly and rested my head next to hers. Grateful for the opportunity to share these wonderful moments, we held each other tightly.
Collapsing into an exhausted embrace, we looked at each other and broke into huge grins. Feeling completely satisfied, we lay together looking at each other and enjoying love’s afterglow while reveling in the wonder that we just had experienced. We drifted off into a sweet sleep, filled with appreciation for have been together on this amazing journey.
For Your Journey
- What feelings and thoughts did this blog touch off for you?
- What has the difference been in your sexual experiences when you shared a heart-connection and when you didn’t?
- Are you able to have satisfying conversations with your sexual partner about your sexual likes, dislikes, fears, shame and need for both freedom and emotional connection?
- Are you able to listen compassionately and understand more when your partner talks about his/her sexual feelings, needs, desires and difficulties?
First in the Series: Live Joyfully: Get Out of Your Head
Next Week: # 9- I Killed Hannah Baker
BECOMING YOUR OWN HERO illuminates a path available to us all to attain the kind of personal power demonstrated by our most revered and inspirational heroes. Marianne Williamson, #1 New York Times best-selling author said, “I highly recommend this illuminating and touching look into the possibilities of staying connected to our hearts, even when facing difficult situations.”
Photo: Flickr/ Bryan Brenneman