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We are still riding the wave of new year-ness, but it’s getting old already.
You’re probably still pretty pumped about all the things you intend to accomplish this year. Feeling jazzed about the money you’re going to make, the trips you are going to take, about getting in shape and eating right. And I say be consistent as f*ck and ride the high for as long as you can… then recommit and finish!
But while you’re focusing on stepping up your game, make sure you don’t leave your relationships behind. Because the truth is success is sweeter when you can share it with the people you love (and who love you).
1. Treat the person in front of you like they are the most important person in the world. They deserve your full attention, so put your phone away.
2. Make eye contact, especially when you are having a tender conversation. Let them know that you see them, that you hear them, and that they matter.
3. Make in-person plans.
4. Stop pulling the “maybe this isn’t working” card, that sh*t is played out. Do not threaten to leave unless you mean it. Holding your relationship hostage is abusive.
5. Recognize your triggers and don’t hold other people accountable for your response. That’s your sh*t, own it.
6. Authenticity is magnetic, so don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You deserve to be the real you… and the people in your life want to be in a relationship with that person.
7. Tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable and scary. Plus it’s easier to remember the truth, so there’s that.
8. Listen to understand, not just to respond. Repeat the cliff notes version of what you heard them say so that they know you are listening.
9. Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Stay hydrated. Because when you don’t feel good, it’s hard to put forth the best effort in your relationships.
10. Make sure your expectations are reasonable. Don’t ask someone to give you more than they are capable of offering. And don’t ask for what you’re not willing to provide.
11. Get support. Hire a coach. Go to therapy/counseling. Whether you need solo support or together support, if you want to do better… invest in being better.
12. Say the magic words, please and thank you, like you mean it. These words can make all the difference. Acknowledge and recognize the other person, while demonstrating that you are not entitled to them or the things they do for you.
13. Retire blame. It’s just not useful. Blame is about being right and when you make it your focus, you poison the connection. Blame makes the other person the villain while making you the victim, or vice versa. Either way, blaming takes the focus off the most important thing… the connection.
14. Don’t try to cultivate a relationship with someone’s potential. Accept them by meeting them where they are.
15. If you are pissed. Don’t call. Don’t text. Don’t post. Calm down before you engage.
16. Keep your texts short and sweet. Texting is for short bursts of thought, it is not a substitute for conversation.
17. Laugh more often! At appropriate times, of course. Laughter can deepen connection, instantly.
18. Learn their love language. When you love someone in the language that they best receive it everybody wins. If you don’t know the language ask… “what kinds of things make you feel loved?” Or you can take the quiz.
19. Be kind to yourself. When you are kind to you… you are kinder to others. Without exception. Self-compassion makes for healthier relationships, period.
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Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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