“Does he still make you laugh? I haven’t seen him naked lately…” — Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
More than a year ago, I wrote about my intense need for comedy and laughter and even wrote a formal invitation for the brilliant Margaret Cho to marry me (Cho you missed out; I’m hitched).
After writing this post and continuing with my intense obsession with what makes love work, I stumbled upon a great insight.
I looked at my most fulfilling and uplifting relationships and realized this is one area that consistently presented itself.
Much like the primary secret of successful relationships (shared values), comedy and the ability to find humor in things as a couple is what is needed. Like values, comedy is individual and personal. What I am referring to here is the ability as a couple to create shared joy via comedic interaction with the environment.
Couples often design their own comedy bits based on what they find mutually amusing and downright hysterical.
For years, I stated that my closest allies made me laugh and learn something in every conversation.
With humor as my guide, I began searching for different types of love.
My man needs to be funny as hell. Period.
Living in this country and in this world can be scary, frustrating and at times downright fucked (up). You better have a ride or die soldier at your side who can point out things that are ridiculous and comical.
My man does incredible characters and voices (Brooklyn hood rat, British society maven, Irish brogue, Maine and everything in between) there is never a shortage of character driven humor and insight in my home.
By constructing the ability to delight one another, we have made a place to retreat when things occur that leave us frustrated.
Having been in relationships that had no humor taught me that this is not the type of interaction that I either require nor can accept.
As a black man who dates white men and has to deal with classism, racism both internal and external, community upset and social interaction on a daily basis, it is wise to have something that will allow for safe and ongoing navigation.
A shared sense of humor is one thing that will allow for continual victory when facing the aforementioned destructive variables.
So what do you and your man joke about ? Find hysterical and ridiculous?
This article originally appeared on Anthony Carter’s Blog
Photo credit: Getty Images