She Said He Said tackle the issue of how to tell a neighbor to keep it down.
Dear Sexes: my neighbors are having (really) loud sex … all the time! at first it was amusing—it was something funny to tell my friends and laugh about with my other neighbors, but now it’s too much for everyone. Long story short, I was nominated by the floormates to confront the loud sexer. I’ve never spoken to him before—what is the best way to do this without it making it awkward?
She Said: If I were elected the delegate of bad news (and I probably would be), I guess I’d first try slipping an anonymous note under the door and then scuttling away really fast. Wear socks so the loud sexer can’t trace your footsteps.
The note should read:
Your sex life sounds super duper fun. While I admire your stamina and ability to bring your partner to multiple come-to-Jesus orgasms, I gotta be honest and tell you that it’s disrupting my sleep—-even with my white noise machine, fish tank, and electric fan running.
I’m not saying you should dispense less pleasure, but perhaps you could just explain to your partner that this is Brooklyn (or Detroit, or The West Adams District, or Northampton, wherever) and walls are thin around here.
PS Everyone in the entire building agrees with me.
If that doesn’t work, maybe you just say, “Hey dude, listen, I have a gnarly work schedule. Any chance you could keep the soundtrack to your sex life down a little bit after 11pm?”
He Said: How’d you get stuck with this honor? It’s gonna be awkward. There’s no beating around this bush—asking your neighbor to be quieter with his sex romps is going to be strange. However, noise pollution is noise pollution, so you’re justified in asking for some type of compromise.
You will probably have more success if you approach this as a noise problem (as opposed to a sex problem). You don’t really care how much sex your neighbor has, you (and your floor-mates) just don’t want to have to hear it all the time. Whoever this guy is having sex with constantly (one person, or many people), maybe he can do the deed at their place once in a while. Also, don’t assume this guy is a rude exhibitionist (though it’s a distinct possibility), maybe he’s just unaware of how much sex noise can travel. Who knows, maybe he’ll even be embarrassed.
If there’s a girl involved, try to appeal to her senses. A true lady should always try her best to be a polite neighbor. And, if none of that works, you can always give your loud neighbors a taste of their own medicine. Whether real or staged, get your floor-mates together and make some loud sex of your own, and make sure your neighbor is home, and can hear you. We here at She Said He Said don’t generally condone sinking to someone else’s level, but every once in a while, you’ve gotta be creative to get the results you desire. But, beware! This approach could also escalate the situation, and might lead to even louder sex sounds coming from your neighbor’s bedroom. Still, desperate times call for desperate measures. At this point, you’ve got nothing to lose, except your hearing.
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