I have been dealing with people’s crap for literally my entire life. When I was in elementary school (and middle school…and high school…) I was frequently bullied, had my car(s) vandalized, and generally just socially unaccepted for the most part.
As I got older and made it to college, I spread my wings a bit from my hometown and started to fall into more of a groove with people who shared similar interests as I did. Around the same time, I began to accumulate a bit of popularity on social media (back then, it was MySpace). I noticed that no matter how nice, or kind, or positive you are – there are always going to be people who try to tear you down.
If you clicked on this headline, you know what I’m talking about. Particularly during this tumultuous election year, many of you have probably experienced the combative nature of the general public for the first time. This nature typically presents itself under the shroud of the internet, behind a keyboard, and often times (especially on Twitter) under a completely anonymous username with a random profile photo.
People who are happy and productive in life have no time nor reason to harass nor start arguments with others. They do not need to tear people down to make themselves feel better.
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This is no accident. In fact, realizing this is the first step to understand how to deal with these people, and provides a valuable lesson. I have learned that 99% of bullies and internet trolls have one thing in common: They typically have very little going for them in life.
People who are happy and productive in life have no time nor reason to harass nor start arguments with others. They do not need to tear people down to make themselves feel better. The concept of ‘trolling’ people on the internet (or real life) is foreign to anyone who is happy and fulfilled.
Picture, if you will, following a hashtag on Twitter for hours on end, and responding with insults to everyone who uses that hashtag, regardless of what they say. Picture combing over YouTube videos and berating the people in the videos or arguing with other people in the comments. If either of these things feel like a colossal waste of time to you, then congratulations, you are a normal, rational human being.
So, how to best handle these rabid dogs of humanity? Thank them.
That’s right, thank them. Be kind. Be calm. Stay cool. Take a deep breath. Say “thanks so much for your input, hope you have a great day!” and then move the hell on.
Block them, if you have to. Ignore them, if you can. The key is to rise above them, don’t feed into their nonsense, and simply get on with your day.
For the reasons listed above, your response is fuel to their fire. They will not stop, they will not leave you alone, and only on a rare occasion will you be able to achieve some rational discourse with them – but in the end you’ve got to ask yourself, “what’s the point?” It is a complete and utter waste of time to argue back and forth with these people.
They simply have nothing better to do, and engaging them is exactly what they’re looking for. They’re filling a void in their life for however long you choose to stay in the conversation – and if it’s not you, then eventually they’re going to get someone else. 9 times out of 10 you can visit their profile (or consider their personality if it’s in real life), and you’ll notice that they pull the same exact routine with everyone around them. This isn’t a personal vendetta against you, it’s against the world.
You see, YOU are not the issue – their deep inner dissatisfaction with their lives is the issue, and they will spew their nonsense to anyone willing to listen. The only difference is whose blood pressure is going to be raised because of it. Yours, or someone else’s.
Believe me, nobody likes debating more than I do – I enjoy the challenge to stretch my intellectual legs (we all know they could use some stretching) and being able to twist the English language into sentences that at least sound convincing, but the most important thing is to decide where to best expound this energy. It is not on internet trolls.
You wouldn’t let someone walk into your house just to argue with them, so don’t let them invade your social media space to do it, either.
The block button is a beautiful thing.
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I notice that there are a huge number of people trolling our new president on Twitter. I’m not judging it as a good thing or a bad thing…but it is a thing. There’s a LOT of fear and loathing out there – and it shows up on the intertubes in a magnified way. And it comes from all sides of the political spectrum. Go read the comments on Salon, for example. Some are rational, even thoughtful. But most are rabid and idiotic. That’s a lefty website. The ones on the right are no better. Maybe the only answer is to… Read more »
The problem in this case is not in the tool someone use (computer, phone, tablet, etc) but in the way it is used. The internet is an amazing place full of amazing things, even if this amazing part is very, very small and lost in an ocean of garbage. It is often so difficult to find good things and to avoid all the trash. And politics is just garbage no matter if is left, right or middle. The politics land is an “exclusive club” full of sociopaths, flying monkeys and minions, one of the reasons why trolls, flamers and all… Read more »
This a great article. It might help me some since I am living with a toxic person which I can’t get out of. (my grandmother)
I think all of this work on the part of persons labeled “trolls” and “bullies” (whether or not they “deserve” it) is part of an insight into the nature of our kind of society, and not so much the “nature” of humanity (curious, the need of pros to reduce things down to such). I think many who want to fire off angry or hateful posts online are doing it as a self-taught way to “let off steam” in a context of having someone (say an authoritarian parent or professional, or boss) somehow attacking them. They have not found a way… Read more »