You met a girl at a bar—or better yet she clicked on your online profile and you two start exchanging messages. Before you know it you’ve worked up the nerve to get her number, and now you’ve asked her for out for a date. In this day and age, it’s getting hard to make a good lasting first impression on a date. Thanks to the rise of pickup artists and social media, men have been fed with a ton of information.
This wrong information gets regurgitated so often that your date has probably heard those lame lines quite a few times in her life. If you recycle those tired lines, she’ll just add you to the pile of “average joes”—uninteresting and not worth a second date. However, you can increase your chances of going on a second date if you differentiate yourself in a memorable and meaningful way. Here are some of my tried and tested tips on how to have a great time on a first date
#1 — Create a Lasting Impression
OK, first and foremost forget about dressing up like a clown, wearing some crazy looking hat, doing magic tricks or whatever. It’s not 2006. You’ve got to make a rock solid impression. I don’t mean you should pull out all the stops and rent out the grand ballroom at the Four Seasons hotel or take a ride in one of those horse-drawn carriages in Central Park. The best way to create an impression is to make lasting memories with her while on the date.
If you take her out for something as simple as coffee you can make jokes about people who do lame “dinner and movies” on their first date. Keep it low key and low pressure. Try as much as possible to make it two friends hanging out. You’d be surprised to know that by changing the mindset from regular “date” mode to “chill” mode you automatically relax her defenses and make her more receptive to being around you.
The goal is for you to enjoy each other’s company in a low-pressure setting. Grant Cardone, the sales, and marketing maestro, talks about how in any sales situation you’ve got to sell the next appointment on your initial meeting, not the product. Guess what, your love life is the ultimate sales scenario. You’re selling your only MVP product; “You.” Your first date should be all about selling her on date number #2.
#2 — Talk Man, it’s Not A Job Interview.
Most guys mistakenly believe that the date is their opportunity to grill her on all the things they would like to know. They automatically turn to interviewer mode and just start rattling off questions off their mental checklists. Chill out guys. She’s not on a job interview, and you’re not a hiring manager. The date is all about getting to know her “life story.” Meaning you’ve got to get her to tell you stories about herself and not facts.
You won’t get to know her if all you do is ask rapid fire questions back to back. What you need to do is borrow a page from Hollywood. If necessary create a conversational narrative arc before you go on your date. Decide on the broad topics you want to cover and ever so slightly nudge the conversation in that direction when you notice things start to slow down.
If you don’t know how to pull this off without coming across as a high-pressure HR manager on a job interview, then I suggest you study some of the best interviewers around like Andrew Warner, Charlie Rose, Oprah, Diane Sawyer, and Cal Fussman. Master interviewers are skilled at getting their guests to answer tough questions without seeming like they are interviewing the person. It’s a delicate balance of conversational charm, wit, storytelling, and selling. If possible prepare a few personal anecdotes that will help you guide the narrative arc of the date.
#3 — Leave Your Representative At Home
We all have a representative. The public face of “You Inc.” The guy that does all your PR and attends events all your while the real you is safely locked away from public view. Going on a date as your “representative” does not work in the long term. Leave your representative at home.
Relax and be yourself. I understand you want to put your best foot forward, but most people go to the extreme and pretend to be someone they’re not. They play the old “bait ’n’ switch” scam. Be confident in yourself, let your personality shine through, smile and crack a few jokes to lighten the mood. Remember it should be as much fun for you as it is for her. No matter the eventual outcome at least you would know if she likes you for who you are as a person and not you pretended to be.
#4 — Don’t Be Thirsty My Friends
And this one might be the biggest reason most guys never get a second date. They come off as “thirsty” during or at the end of the date. Women are turned off by “thirstiness.” Thirstiness is when you’re too eager to please, suck up consistently and attempt to escalate to the physical too soon. Those are signs of “thirstiness” gentlemen.
Women hate needy, thirsty men. You shouldn’t go along just to get a few Scooby snacks and a pat on the head. Neither should you create drama by being overly argumentative. Sometimes conflict and difference of opinions are essential to developing a strong, healthy bond. Be a real man and express yourself. Having a different view is OK. She’ll respect you for having the balls to stick with your convictions.
At the end of the date, don’t be too quick to go in for the kiss or hug. If you’ve spent two hours or so building rapport, you’ve had plenty of time to determine if you can close with a kiss and a hug. No rule says you have to a kiss goodnight. You could just decide not to and let her wonder why you didn’t. Trust me, the fact that you didn’t try will make an impression because she’s used to guys awkwardly trying to kiss her goodnight. It is purely up to your observation and intuition to decide when it’s the right time to make a move. If the date went well and she had an excellent time, she’ll let you know if it’s OK to proceed.
If you can apply the advice I’ve laid out, I can guarantee you will have an excellent first date.
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