Currently, I’m falling in love with someone… in a mental clinic. Something I thought would never happen in a million years is occurring right in front of my eyes, and I see that he has no idea how to make the first move.
We are very open with each other and can speak about anything, so I asked him why he isn’t making a move. Many things surfaced, and I was inspired to share it with you as I am sure many people suffer from starting something and may regret it later on… Here’s how to make the first move because:
You are the only person that can make you move — Marcelle Hinkson
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Stop thinking about what-ifs
You’ll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that. ― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
As Roald Dahl finely puts it — you will never get anywhere if you keep thinking about the what-ifs. Ok, so there’s a lot of what-ifs to take into consideration like:
- What if they don’t like me back
- What if they reject me
- What if they don’t think I am nice
The list goes on, but it doesn’t have to eat you up. When asking the guy that I am crushing on big time why he isn’t making a move, he said he thinks all of the above what-ifs. He couldn’t believe that I like him and it was stopping him from making a move. His past actions have always been influenced by drugs or drink, so he isn’t as confident or calm without them too. I was surprised by this and felt sorry for him in a way because I could see he was overthinking every little thing which leads us to the second thing on how to make a move:
Stop overthinking full stop.
At the end of the day, we need to do whatever it takes to move on. Don’t be ashamed of any decision you make, and stay strong. — Brandi Glanville
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He is an overthinker of everything — I mean this is one of the problems why we are both in a mental clinic, to begin with. We are both suffering from depression and anxiety, which makes one overthink every little thing. When I asked him about not making a move he said his mind is going crazy about all the bad things that could happen and how me liking him isn’t actually real, it’s just a dream or fantasy.
I was shocked to hear this but then again, not really. OUr mind plays tricks on us 24/7 as we have the bad and the right voices inside our head always steering us in different directions. Unfortunately, his bad voice pushes him further on than his right, so he needs to work on this.
Do you suffer from the same issue? Notice the difference between the voices in your head and notice they are not you. Here’s how to stop being hard on yourself:
Stop being scared and start being confident
Sometimes I wish the girl would make the first move. — Devon Werkheiser
Lastly, how to make the first move includes stop being scared and start being confident in yourself! Okay, so this is probably the most challenging part of making the first move because doubt, fear, and troublesome emotions may be chewing you up, but it’s OK. When you recognise these fears are completely normal, then you can move on with them. If you think about it, we get these emotions with anything new, so just think of it as exciting and thrilling rather than scary or fearful.
I know that my guy here is full of fear. He has opened up about it to me on several occasions and so of course; he will be scared about making the firs move with me if he’s already a bag of fears. However, I told him he must be confident in himself when being sober because this is our pure state of the essence. You can do this by repeating mantras and positive affirmations. Here’s how to use them to your best ability:
So there you have it — how to make the first move includes stopping the what-ifs and overthinking to becoming more confident in who you are and believing in yourself!
Before you go
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Josue Michel on Unsplash