The key to life is all in your mind, and everything is always about how you define and think about the things you go through.
So, divorce — like everything else — comes down to what you think and what you feel.
Some people look at divorce as a failed marriage.
Other people look at divorce as a family that’s been shattered into pieces.
Other people look at divorce and think that things will never be the same.
I can go through all the analogies, and I can tell you they’re all just a bunch of b.s.
Divorce is Exactly How You Frame It
To me, divorce is a brand new beginning to have the family that you truly want.
I’m going to share something personal with all of you.
When my daughter’s mother and I split back in April of 2012, she took off to Louisiana to regroup.
She needed to regroup, process things, heal, and get healthy again.
I, in turn, did what I needed to do. I went on a trip to Maui.
I remember that trip to Maui like it was yesterday because I’ve held that vision no matter where I’ve been or what I’ve gone through on this emotional roller coaster since splitting from my ex.
It was a beautiful April day in Maui. The sun was shining, the temperature was a perfect 84 degrees, the water was warm, and everything was lined up perfectly for a vision that I wanted to have in my life.
I started visualizing what I wanted my life to look like, and I started imagining what life would be like for me in the future.
I imagined being on that beach when my daughter was a little older. And it’s funny because she’s now at that age that I imagined her to be.
Next to me in my vision was the woman that I wanted to create a family with. A woman who saw me and felt me for who I am. A woman who accepted me, yet also pushed me to be the best version of myself.
My relationship with my daughter’s mother was never healthy.
We were always battling and bumping heads, but that’s okay. Why? Because we were not meant to be together for the long haul. And yet, we created an amazing soul, this amazing human being that came into our lives.
As I walked that beach, I imagined what life would be like with my person. What it would feel like to be seen and loved the way that I needed to be seen and loved. Without having to fight for love, for affection, or for anything.
I held onto that vision as I’ve gone through the last five and a half years.
And I’ve had many relationships since that day in 2012.
I had one in ’13, one in ’14, one in ’15, and a few in ’16 and ’17.
Each of them taught me many things.
Each one kept me on the path.
I never gave up on that path. I always believed in my vision.
And That’s Why I Truly Believe Divorce is an Opportunity
Divorce is the opportunity for you to believe in a vision.
Because you now have the opportunity to create the family that you truly desire.
Your children are going to be fine, as long as you have a healthy co-parenting dynamic.
They no longer have to witness the tension between you and your partner.
They no longer have to see the cover-up that’s going on every single day.
One day, my daughter’s going to see her father in a loving relationship. That has always been a goal of mine.
And she’s going to know what a man is like when he loves a woman. Because that way, she’ll be able to model it, and she’ll be able to have successful relationships of her own because of that.
That’s what divorce does.
It gives you the freedom to create the life that you’re really looking for.
It allows you to have the freedom to create the relationship that’s going to serve your children in a much healthier way.
That’s what we’re here for.
I know how difficult it might be when you go through a divorce. Believe me, I know how challenging it is.
But if you have a vision, you’ll no longer look at divorce as a failure. You will look at it as an opportunity to grow.
An opportunity to create the life that you want without having the tension around the partnership that was no longer working.
And what’s most important to me — and what should be to you as well — is that, for the first time in a long time, you can actually show your children what a happy man or woman looks like when they’re in a healthy loving relationship.
You can show them what a healthy loving relationship with yourself looks like.
And then you can show them what a healthy loving relationship with someone else looks like.
You have that opportunity, and the opportunity all starts with your own vision.
So, what’s yours?
Previously published on David Wygant
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