I spoke with a man the other day who was blindsided when his wife blew-up at him and said she couldn’t stand being married to him anymore. He thought things were going along fairly well with just the normal ups and downs. Apparently, his wife doesn’t agree.
Fortunately, divorce isn’t really what his wife wants, but it’s clear that changes need to be made within their relationship, one of the biggest being communication. This guy was clueless that he was doing so many things that irritated his wife and were making things tense between them.
He had no idea because she never told him. He also never asked even though there were signs, one of them being that they had generally stopped talking about things beyond the nuts and bolts of daily life. As a result, tension built between them as issues and irritants went unaddressed until ultimately his wife couldn’t take it anymore.
Any of this sound familiar? Do you suspect the same thing could be happening in your own marriage?
Let’s first take a look at some of the most common husbandly behaviors that irritate wives and cause problems.
What Wives Find Most Irritating About Their Husbands
Any one of these by themselves may not seem like much. That’s one of the reasons women often don’t say anything. It can feel petty to complain about the little habits that shouldn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, guys, we tend to do several of these things daily. And the cumulative effects over time can act like a pressure cooker leaving our wives ready to explode.
• We assume. Assuming anything is generally a bad idea, but when it comes to our wives and marriages it can cause big problems. Many men assume that because they told their wife once they love her, they no longer have to – We assume she’ll be okay if you make plans without talking to her – wrong. We assume we know what she’s thinking – double wrong. Never assume. Instead ask, talk, and express your thoughts and feelings with each other.
• We forget. Men are notorious for forgetting the special things – like your first date, when you proposed, anniversaries, special songs, locations, etc. These are all things that many women like to remember, celebrate and cherish. These are/were things that made her feel like she’s special to you or highlight the happiest days in your relationship. By forgetting them it feels like you have forgotten the love and what makes you unique as a couple. Guys, keep a calendar and set alerts. Remembering these things can go a long way toward making your wife feel special and loved.
• We stop listening. Do you ever tune out as your wife is talking about her day, her friends, the kids, or anything else?Yes, you do – admit it. Actively listening is a sign of respect. Although it can be easy to let your mind wander, you will ultimately cause hurt and offense if you allow this become a habit.
• We stop looking. Maybe she doesn’t look the same as she did at 20, but your wife still likes to be noticed and appreciated. Compliments on her appearance and expressing your attraction to her are important. They bring your closer and can promote both emotional and physical intimacy.
• We start looking. Looking at other women that is. One word – DON’T. If this is a struggle, and it is for a lot of men, there are strategies you can learn in order to manage the temptation.
• We become lazy. You’ve been together for years and don’t feel like you have to work as hard to impress her as you once did, right? While there’s something comforting about that, it’s also a slippery slope. Forgetting to shave, leaving your underwear on the floor, burping, and so many other inconsiderate habits can creep into your daily practice if you’re not careful. Although you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells, you really should put some effort into being the best version of yourself around her the majority of the time.
• We take for granted. Somehow stuff gets done. Maybe it’s your laundry, the grocery shopping, well-behaved kids, a balanced budget, you name it. It’s very easy to take these everyday things for granted and assume (see point 1) that they will always happen. Try to remember to say thank you regularly and compliment her too.
It’s important to note that not only is this not a comprehensive list, but that all of these things can go both ways as well. Wives can be just as guilty of irritating their husbands with the above habits and more.
How To Stop Irritating Your Wife
No big secret here – talk to her. If your wife often seems distant, edgy, or short with you, there’s something wrong. Don’t assume (there’s that word again) that it’s hormones, the kids, or something else. It may very well be you and chances are that you won’t know what it is it until she’s reached the boiling point, unless you ask her first.
A note to the wives out there – your husband is not a mind reader. As much as he should know better in some of these areas, you also need to be up front with the things that bother you. Allowing things to fester doesn’t serve any purpose. And there’s a fair probability that you have your own irritating habits that need to be discussed as well.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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