Question: My husband has an issue with me having male friends. His attitude is I can have them, as long as he doesn’t know about them. That just doesn’t seem right to me. I try to honor him by making sure all my friends are female but I don’t know if he is in the wrong telling me to hide it or if I should be ashamed for considering male friends?
Answer: Well, in a world where it’s hard enough to be authentic and fully expressed, it sure doesn’t make it any easier to know that your authentic expression is making your husband upset, yes?
For me, being an intimacy expert intimacy is a priority! Vulnerability and honesty and truth and safety and allowance to be exactly who I am… Is the foundation of the entire relationship. To think that I would be so distasteful that I was to keep my authentic expression a secret would really hurt my heart, how does your heart feel?
I wonder if he is simply jealous, or caught up in societal or religious beliefs, or feeling not good enough and rejected that you choose to be with another man even though it’s platonic, over him. I don’t believe one person can meet all of our needs, I think that’s way too much pressure to put on one person and then having other friends both male and female, makes a life rich and complete.
If he accurately suspect that these gentlemen actually do want to get in your pants and if he accurately suspects that you get a lot of for filament from them that you don’t experience with him… I think that ought to be talked about in a counseling session for you may be unknowingly doing things that feel like emasculation to him. However I wouldn’t want him to judge who you are into a place of hiding who you are… That’s going to create a wider and wider cavern between your hearts and lead to greater and greater separation of your intimacy, trust and connection.
A great place to start would be to not take anything personally… He has every right to feel his feelings, and you have every right to desire what you desire. When we start from non-judgment and allowance and curiosity, we can make a safe space for the other to communicate their feelings, and we don’t need to fix them or justify ourselves, just listen and understand them. You don’t have to agree or disagree, just listen.
Under no circumstance do I ever want you feeling ashamed for being who you are, however you’ve married this man and if you’re in it to win it, then there’s got to be someway that each of your needs can be met, some deal you can create, some compromise or new way of being that would strengthen your relationship while each of you being authentically who you are.
Bottom line there is a solution and clearly if the two of you could’ve figured it out, you would have by now, yes? Before things get worse and the separation grows wider, I truly recommend you apply for a complementary strategy session with me. It’s amazing the power of effective communication and open hearts, we can’t hear the other’s truth when our own heart is closed, yes?
Please go to www.AllanaPratt.com/connect to apply for a complementary strategy session with me to see if indeed the two of you are both at 10 out of 10 ready to address this and heal this and strengthen your marriage and grow closer overtime… Remember the challenges or opportunities in disguise… Your point of you will create your reality and your future… So let’s look what’s right about this and embrace diving in to do some beautiful inner work that will results and your relationship more deeply connected and free to be yourselves… Grateful for having sat in the fire of discomfort and keeping your hearts open and growing in conscious connection 🙂
If you’re new to my work, I have complementary trainings for men and for women on my sites, a value packed delicious newsletter each week, a conscious yet edgy radio show and a robust YouTube channel, lots of ways for you to allow me to contribute to your thriving 🙂
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com
Earth, Water, Sky: YESSSSSSSS!!!! 3 Men, 3 Adventures, 3 Stories. Now on The Good Men Project
|Sky High and Freefalling||Rock Climbing and the Rush of Falling||The Water Is My Home||The Hardest Part of a Triathlon: The First Step|
Earth, Water and Sky was produced in proud partnership with the United States Air Force