This question comes from POPSUGAR’s Group Therapy community. A woman has had a fraught relationship with her brother, and now that his wedding is coming up, there are weird family dynamics and obligations that she is trying to wade through. What would you tell her?
I’m not mean, my brother is 22 years old ( I am 27). I’m very happy that he is getting married. His soon to be wife was hidden from the family for the entire time that they (3 years) were together. He just told our family that he was going to get married … his soon to be wife is 19 years old and has a five-year-old year and he was scared that we were going to judge him.
My brother and I aren’t close, we have had a lot of conflicts over the years and although we have made up and put the past in the past, I still feel as if he resents me for mistreating him when we were kids. He constantly belittles me, and makes fun of me in front of my boyfriend and family, and he puts me down. I’m much older now so I don’t stoop to his level.
He doesn’t even have my phone number saved and deliberately ignores my texts messages. For Christmas and birthdays he throws money at me and says he wishes he didn’t have to get me anything.
I get the fact that he really dislikes me and it hurts a lot. There’s not much more then I can do. I would do his college schedule for him as a favor and it’s been a while since I graduated, and somehow or another that got messed up. He blamed me and accused me for making his school time period longer but truly I thought the best way was how I was doing it (was the best way). I graduated over five years ago, so it’s been a while.
I have even gone to the point of inviting his future wife out but she also shows hostility to me and refuses each offer. He wants me to be in his wedding because my mother said it’s important but I feel as if he feels as if he is obligated to have me in his wedding. At this point in time, I’m starting to just forget that he exists to say that I have 2 brothers instead of 3.
I have attempted to talk to him about this and try to make amends but to no avail, the problem just remains. He refuses to talk about things and walks away or leaves the house. I have decided that maybe it’s time to just let him go, to just allow him to be who he wants to be. With that, I am contemplating whether or not I should even be in his wedding. I’m really thinking about this thoroughly because I know once I go through with this there is no coming back.
What are your suggestions?
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