Lately, I have found myself searching for that special feeling. You know the special moment when the butterflies flutter in your stomach. It’s where your eyes meet and you know instantly they are the one. The sparks fly and the shear wonderment fills your mind as you question if they are the one. Travelling through Europe I can see love is everywhere. But are these looks between lovers merely lust or is it love? As I sit writing in a café in London, I look internally to try to find the answers.
When we talk of lust, it’s the strong desire to be intimate with another person. Sometimes it can be a mistake waiting to happen. And other times it’s purely a deep admiration for someone. As a singleton, I’ve felt lust but never acted on it. And I’ve found it’s a strange sensation that becomes completely overwhelming. Its certainly not as beautiful as the love shared between a couple.
I have experienced love. Once. And lost it– by my own doing. It was in London with a man who is quite extraordinary. An entrepreneur who has amazing family values. Unfortunately for me. I was facing demons head on. And in that head space it’s tricky trying to really love yourself unconditionally, let alone knowing how to you’re your partner. Although it seems like a lifetime ago, I’m really glad I got to experience love, especially now that I’m in such a different head space.
Last year, I received a wedding invitation from one of my dearest friends. It meant returning to London. The place I fell in love. Naturally, it brought an upheaval of emotions that were buried deep into the pits of my soul. One where I had locked the door and thrown away the key into the ocean at Bondi Beach in Australia.
These emotions started bubbling to the surface as soon as I got on to the plane. A roller coaster of fear and anxiety began to surface. You see the last time I visited London, I put my heart on my sleeve and told that same guy how much he meant to me. I actually said those three little words. Only to have him say it wasn’t reciprocated anymore.
With each emotion, I began to feel sick. Even the flight attendants began to get worried about me. So with my friend’s wedding in a couple of days time, I had to reframe my mind on how I could best enjoy London in a different way. And what a pleasant time it will be to spend it with friends and at a wedding making new memories. Ones of laughter and happiness. So the plan was to see London in the eyes of a different kind of love.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” – Lucille Ball
There really is nothing better than the love that is shared between two people on their wedding day. It has nothing to do with lust or anything remotely like it. So as I look around London I see more happiness and love between couples. It’s quite entertaining when you people watch. And as a communications specialist I’m enjoying the non verbal communication between lovers.
When you watch closely – it’s a secret language. One that feels to them like no one else knows what they’re saying. It’s the knowing looks, the slight smile, the twinkle in their eyes as they look at each other. The perfectly subliminal language between lovers who can finish each others sentences, mainly because they are so in tune with each other.
And as I watch these lovers in the park, the communication barrier is broken in the following ways:
#1 Unspoken looks
Looks where they don’t have to speak. It’s a look of admiration or longing. Either way – it’s simple and pure.
#2 Finishing each others’ sentence
Without having to try. They know each other’s language. They are so connected in love that it is easy for them. As the voyeur – it’s miraculous.
#3 The body language
Every smile or moment is reflected to each other. They mirror each other in many ways such as with their body language, wardrobe, smiles and laughter.
Meeting each other in the middle of compromise. This in itself is huge. They know when to cross the border to meet each other or where to draw the line.
#5 Genuine kindness
Like spreading the guacamole dip on a piece of pitta bread and instead of eating it himself, he hands it across to her. It’s all about selflessness. And in return, she pours him a glass of wine before she pours herself one.
What more can I say about love? It’s been on my mind as I walk through the quirky cobbled streets of London, lost in a maze of their summer and people in love. It’s definitely helping me to clear out old memories of him. And replace them with new memories of love. He has moved on and finally so will I.
Do you know the difference between love and lust? What kind of admiration do you have with your partner? As always comments are most welcome.
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