My friend met a special girl a few weeks ago. Right after she confessed her overnight stay at an opposite sex’s place, he immediately deleted her contact information. It spiraled down from there and things ended abruptly. But if that girl really had unhealthy intentions, she wouldn’t have told him the truth. Even my friend admitted he made an emotional decision. This relationship fell before it took off the ground. But could it have headed towards somewhere great? We’ll never know.
In the modern dating app era, moving on from someone has become the solution to every relationship problem. They don’t treat you properly — move on. They don’t meet your standards — move on. They don’t make the necessary effort — move on. On the surface, this gesture seems self dignifying. We believe self-loving people aren’t supposed to waste another millisecond with someone that mistreats us. Unfortunately, it’s only true to a degree.
Although obsessing over unrequited or incompatible love can show how little you value yourself, letting go doesn’t always equate to self-respect. Sometimes, it reveals how emotionally fragile and immature you are.
If you drop someone you just met for their silly little hair comment that offended you, not only are you being overly sensitive, but you aren’t big enough of a person to give them and yourself a chance.
If you leave someone in a heartbeat in a long-term relationship because you’re a self-proclaimed “I don’t tolerate BS” person, you don’t appear strong and independent. You look weak. Relationships are supposed to be tough. Therefore, running away at slight signs of trouble actually reveals your lack of commitment and mental strength.
One-sided love is the muddiest one. While holding on to false hope is tormenting, there are also times where you need to figure out why the other person still consumes you. Is it the ego bruise that still hurt you? Are you deeply in love with them? Or perhaps, it’s a deeper psychological issue that you weren’t aware of? Such as attachment problems, daddy issues, or addiction to the chase.
Whatever it is, simply blocking their social media isn’t going to help you truly move forward. All it does is bury the unfinished business. Your leftover emotions become suppressed. No matter who you’re dating now if you still feel awkward running into your old acquaintance or resent seeing them with a new partner, a part of you is still holding onto them.
Giving up easily means you never valued the relationship that much
Most online dating ends miserably because there’s a lack of attraction. Sometimes it’s one-sided, other times mutual. Hanging onto someone who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings and effort is natural because of the time and energy you’ve invested in them. Therefore, not wanting to let go doesn’t undermine your self-worth. It just means you were serious about the relationship.
People often say the one who cares the more loses. Well, what’s winning? And what’s the point of winning if you can’t fully commit to another person and enjoy the full spectrum of a relationship? Underneath these cliches are fear. People are terrified of getting hurt, so they restrain themselves from becoming too invested in any individual. It’s an I’ll-leave-you-before-you-can-hurt-me strategy. A powerful and mature person is willing to put their sense of self on the line.
Instead of lying to yourself, you can…
Forgive the damage they’ve done to you. You don’t have to be happy for them but their happiness shouldn’t repel you. Because their existence no longer has any meaning in your heart.
I discovered a girl was breadcrumbing me a couple of months ago when I caught her bringing home a friend-with-benefits at 2 A.M. I haven’t been able to rid her off my mind completely, often wondering if I have deep-rooted self-esteem issues. When she insisted on remaining regular friends, I refused. But right now, I can safely say, I’d like to see her one more time and properly say goodbye before she moves back to China. I forgive her. The past no longer daunts me. Although I no longer desire her in my life, a little meet-up is a good enough closure for me.
There’s such an emphasis on moving on nowadays that we often abandon a relationship without first emptying the emotional residue.
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Take a closer look before you eliminate someone from your life. Think about whether you no longer see them as a good fit or if you’re solely protecting your ego. The take-it-or-leave-it attitude may sound badass, but it makes you look like a prince/princess if done prematurely.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Kevin Quezada on Unsplash