A boyfriend seeks to reconcile his sexual schedule with his long-distance girlfriend so that they can satisfy one another’s needs.
Dear Sexes: My long distance girlfriend and I have been together (and apart) for eight years. We see each other on Saturdays and most of Sunday at whichever house we are at. For the most part the relationship seems good and solid. Here’s my problem: on Saturday nights I’m pretty horny and want sex. She says she’s tired or not in the mood, we can do it in the morning. I wake up early and have to wait for her to wake up or I can get up and forget about it. Any thoughts on how I can get her to change this?
She Said: First, EIGHT years of a long-distance relationship? That’s amazing. I admire both of you for your commitment to one another. Do you plan on ever moving closer together? If so, what’s kept you from doing it up until now, and what will be the motivating factor that will make that dream a reality? I hope you two have a long-term plan in place, even if it’s just to stay as you are. Make sure you’re both on the same page.
As for your question, our sexual needs are very real and we shouldn’t have to pretend they don’t exist. Be honest and open about what you need, and be sure you’re not guilting her or being passive-aggressive. If you want more sex at night, lay that out. Work together to find a way to get her more in the mood.
Maybe you need to change up your routine when you see each other—dinner out with a glass of wine, a concert, maybe even just eating dinner without turning on the TV. Invite friends over, have engaging conversations with other people. Then be sure your foreplay game is up to par and you aren’t being lazy. If a woman knows she’s going to be the object of your desire, that she’s going to be sexually treasured and valued, and not just the receptacle of your sexual needs, she’s probably going to be more likely to push back her bedtime. Check out my tutorial on how to treat a woman’s most important part for a refresher course!
Eight years is a long time (trust me, I know!) and you gotta be on your A-game to keep her from locking down those ratty old sweatpants as soon as dinner is done.
Just for fun, I think you’ll identify with this scene from the movie Extract:
He Said: Since the two of you have somewhat limited (weekend) time together, you really need to get in sync so you both get what you need. This requires flexibility and communication. Does it really matter when you get your sex, as long as you get some?
So, your girlfriend sleeps in on Saturdays and Sundays, and you get up early. No big deal! Kill some time—clean the house, do some work, watch some T.V., play some solitaire, twiddle your thumbs. When your girlfriend wakes (in the afternoon), go get yourself some lovin! Maybe you’re more of a morning or night sexer yourself, but if you increase your flexibility in the situation, you’ll be increasing the possibility of sex!
If that doesn’t work, then it may be time for a talk. You and your girlfriend may have to start scheduling your sex sessions. Perhaps that takes some of the spontaneity out of it, but the real key is that you both need to get your needs fulfilled. Also, don’t assume you’re on your own here. Maybe your girlfriend wants more sex too, she’s just exhausted and doesn’t know how to find the time. Help her, help herself (and you). Talk it out! Work it out! Get your sexy time back!! I know you can do it!!!
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Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.