A boyfriend seeks to reconcile his sexual schedule with his long-distance girlfriend so that they can satisfy one another’s needs.
Dear Sexes: My long distance girlfriend and I have been together (and apart) for eight years. We see each other on Saturdays and most of Sunday at whichever house we are at. For the most part the relationship seems good and solid. Here’s my problem: on Saturday nights I’m pretty horny and want sex. She says she’s tired or not in the mood, we can do it in the morning. I wake up early and have to wait for her to wake up or I can get up and forget about it. Any thoughts on how I can get her to change this?
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She Said: First, EIGHT years of a long-distance relationship? That’s amazing. I admire both of you for your commitment to one another. Do you plan on ever moving closer together? If so, what’s kept you from doing it up until now, and what will be the motivating factor that will make that dream a reality? I hope you two have a long-term plan in place, even if it’s just to stay as you are. Make sure you’re both on the same page.
As for your question, our sexual needs are very real and we shouldn’t have to pretend they don’t exist. Be honest and open about what you need, and be sure you’re not guilting her or being passive-aggressive. If you want more sex at night, lay that out. Work together to find a way to get her more in the mood.
Maybe you need to change up your routine when you see each other—dinner out with a glass of wine, a concert, maybe even just eating dinner without turning on the TV. Invite friends over, have engaging conversations with other people. Then be sure your foreplay game is up to par and you aren’t being lazy. If a woman knows she’s going to be the object of your desire, that she’s going to be sexually treasured and valued, and not just the receptacle of your sexual needs, she’s probably going to be more likely to push back her bedtime. Check out my tutorial on how to treat a woman’s most important part for a refresher course!
Eight years is a long time (trust me, I know!) and you gotta be on your A-game to keep her from locking down those ratty old sweatpants as soon as dinner is done.
Just for fun, I think you’ll identify with this scene from the movie Extract:
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He Said: Since the two of you have somewhat limited (weekend) time together, you really need to get in sync so you both get what you need. This requires flexibility and communication. Does it really matter when you get your sex, as long as you get some?
So, your girlfriend sleeps in on Saturdays and Sundays, and you get up early. No big deal! Kill some time—clean the house, do some work, watch some T.V., play some solitaire, twiddle your thumbs. When your girlfriend wakes (in the afternoon), go get yourself some lovin! Maybe you’re more of a morning or night sexer yourself, but if you increase your flexibility in the situation, you’ll be increasing the possibility of sex!
If that doesn’t work, then it may be time for a talk. You and your girlfriend may have to start scheduling your sex sessions. Perhaps that takes some of the spontaneity out of it, but the real key is that you both need to get your needs fulfilled. Also, don’t assume you’re on your own here. Maybe your girlfriend wants more sex too, she’s just exhausted and doesn’t know how to find the time. Help her, help herself (and you). Talk it out! Work it out! Get your sexy time back!! I know you can do it!!!
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Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.
—Photo calleecakes/Flickr
Why’s she tired? Can you help out with dinner/chores/whatever to give her time to unwind? Did she drive x hours to spend some time with you (I’d probably be tired too if that was the case)? Give her a massage, snuggle, make out with no pressure for her to put out.
Or, “Honey, I’m always so horny Saturday nights when I see you again. I’m going to go masturbate; I’d love it if you joined me to help out a bit, but it’s up to you.”
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Based on the photo, I would recommend some nice sheets for the bed. Uncovered mattresses can be quite chafing.
What do you mean the photos on this site have no connection to the articles?
That Guy does it again! Another A+ for you…
Hate to be too critical here, but there might be something else going on. If she misses you all week and isn’t in the mood, and is seeming to blow it off or put it back, there’s a possibility she might be getting it somewhere else and either likes the comfort of a stable relationship or doesn’t have the heart to break it off and tell you the truth. It could also be that the energy has fizzled a bit, and you guys have to do something to reunite the interest. It sounds like you’re not that far away if… Read more »
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about two years, and we only see each other three or four times per year. Obviously, when we reconnect after such long breaks, ample reunion sex just kind of happens on its own, but I still think I have some valid advice to offer: Skype-sex is your friend. I’m assuming you two talk during the week, whether on the phone or on the ‘Net, and those communications are an opportunity for you to add a little spice to your interactions, both to build excitement for the weekend AND take the pressure off… Read more »
Thank god my wife and I live in the same house and except for the occasional business trip all we have to worry about is whether the 6 year-old is really asleep.