Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough. — Mark Manson
I still get excited whenever I talk to my friend, Wilson. Last week, he walked into my office with a bounce in his step. He enthusiastically announced, “Today, I am going to share a truth many people do not know — love is not the most important aspect of a happy relationship.”
Wilson recently got married to the love of his life so this announcement was perplexing to me. He was, however, clearly excited about what he was about to tell me.
At the beginning of the conversation, I was very skeptical as I have thought for the longest time that nothing surpasses love in any successful relationship. However, I did not want to douse his fire, so, I listened.
I am truly glad that I did.
And now fast forward to this moment of truth, I am here to declare that there is indeed something that is more important than love in marriage.
What could be more important than love in a relationship?
Over time of being together with someone, the goosebumps, and the mushy feeling you’d get at seeing your partner subside. What keeps the relationship fire burning?
Trust is the foundation for love.
Trust is something that is earned through actions. It is the sense of security that allows both partners to expose themselves fully to each other without any fear of judgement.
When you are in a relationship with someone, it is natural for feelings of love and connection to start to fluctuate over time. Every relationship has those dry spells but trust is consistent.
According to Dr Jennifer Rhodes, a licensed psychologist, author, and relationships expert, for a committed relationship to work, love alone is simply not enough.
Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Trust involves being able to think about someone else’s needs and making choices that respect your partner’s values.
Love is a feeling and is strongly influenced by biochemistry.
Trust, however, surpasses love. Think about it, if you do not trust your partner, how can you love them?
Without trust, the relationship will be shaky and will eventually fail. Lack of trust is the main reason relationships fall apart. After all, trust means you can rely on your partner, can confide in them and feel safe with them.
We can only truly love someone that we can trust.
Trust is the solid foundation on which a lasting relationship is built.
The best proof of love is trust.
Many times, we mistake love as the one thing that conquers all. Sadly, this gives us false hope and forces us to accept the harsh reality that love is NOT enough. Two individuals may love each other with all their hearts, but they both know that the relationship has been damaged due to the lack of trust.
The best proof of love is trust because when two people are really in love with each other, they simply make valiant efforts not to break each other’s trust.
In a healthy relationship, you should trust the person that you love. You need to take the risk in completely believe in someone.
When you love someone, you trust them with your heart. And you trust that they will take care of your heart and not break it.
You are trusting this person with your emotions. You are trusting that they will see you at your most vulnerable and still love you. You are trusting that your partner will be aware of all the baggage that you come with and be able to look past it and appreciate you for who you are.
Trust is love in all its forms.
The reason trust is so important is because feelings of love can change, and over time they may ebb and flow, but trust is the foundation that makes it possible to weather those changes and return back to the love.
The best proof of love is trust, and the best way to gain trust is to honour your promises. — Ali Bassam
Love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you gave your all and trusted your partner completely only to have that trust shattered by their actions? I have. It is a heartbreaking place to be.
It leaves you in a place where you are unsure of how to express your emotions.
It laces the love you have for your partner with bitterness, anger, and resentment. When trust is betrayed, especially without apology or a genuine sense of remorse, love dies.
When trust is broken, it is almost impossible to go back to the way things were without the doubt and the fear of trust being broken again. A relationship that thrives on lack of trust will infuse uncertainties and insecurities in the relationship, either causing both partners to hate one another or the overall relationship to self-destruct.
Trust is the central pillar supporting any real relationship.
Building trust in a relationship takes hard work and commitment. Trust requires that we listen and communicate our wants and needs to our partner.
Above anything else, trust requires honesty. Once trust is built, it should be maintained throughout.
Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair. — Anonymous
Why is trust so essential in a relationship?
Trust always leads to love.
One of the reasons that trust is so essential in a relationship is because, when you have it, it creates the opportunity for love to grow, whereas when you don’t, it slowly chips away at the love you share until the relationship is unsustainable.
If your partner breaks your trust, your relationship suffers and you become more cautious about whom to trust again. In those moments, you might not believe you still have the capacity to even love again.
This does not mean you should not trust anyone. It means that you are aware that trusting someone is a risk, and that risk can either create an everlasting love or destroy it.
And although many people agree that trust may be more “important” than love, the reality is you don’t want to be in a relationship where you have one but not the other. It shouldn’t have to be a choice you make.
Love and trust are so closely related.
You really can’t love someone you don’t trust.
You can trust someone you’re not in love with, but then they aren’t going to be someone you’d like to have a romantic relationship with. And why would you ever settle for less?
There simply is no ‘us’ without trust.
And now, your thoughts…
Ultimately, I believe a happy relationship comes down to two people who want to be together and make effort to do things to grow their relationship.
Enduring relationships come to those who value and care for themselves, their partner and also understand the fragility of a relationship. Nothing can last if you don’t take care of it, relationships included.
And it’s no good if only one of you is loving — genuine, heartfelt caring and affection is a lost cause if your partner does not recognize and return your feelings.
So, when you find your person, it is important that you invest some time in doing things that build trust between the two of you. It will keep your relationship alive even in times when it might not have thrived.
I wish you loads and loads of trust and love in your relationships.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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