Men. We don’t get much respect. You can say “Hi” to a woman and she won’t even look at you. You ask a woman out and she might roll her eyes or even laugh at you. You grab her by the pussy and they call it “sexual assault.”
It’s time we get more respect. And there’s only one way to do it. Earn it.
Call me old-fashioned. How do we earn respect? Simple. We need to make sure women aren’t Scared As Fuck.
Women are scared as fuck. Why? Because they have been paying attention. If aliens came down and did to us the shit we’ve done to women we’d nuke them all. The Inquisition. Mass shootings. All Wars Ever. The Jackass Movies. The fact that “rape and pillage” is a phrase. Sex trafficking. 1 in 5 women are raped. 1 in 4 of them are sexually abused as CHILDREN. Their sex organs are legislated. Even meeting the man of their dreams isn’t safe for women … 72 percent of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94 percent of the victims of these murder suicides are female. 94 PERCENT. WTF is wrong with us?
When we don’t speak out against or even acknowledge our part in the atrocities, misogyny, and abuse, women think we either don’t care or are dangerously oblivious. Neither inspires respect. Especially when we are loud and take-charge about everything else in the world. So instead of having lady-boners for you, women are constantly wondering if they need to protect themselves from you.
To add insult to millennia of injury, some guys only engage in the conversation just to deny that any such struggle exists. #NotAllMen #ButMoreLikelyTheOnesWhoSayNotAllMen
This is hurtful … to men. Sure, to women too, but that’s not what this is about (there’s plenty of articles about how damaging we are to women, and that doesn’t seem to inspire us to change.) This is about being a man and getting respect. It hurts all men because we will never get the respect, trust, or depth of intimacy that we crave as humans until we acknowledge and stop the damage. Until we give women reason to stop wondering if we’re going to kill them.
If you’re ready for some respect, here’s the plan. Respect women the way you want to be respected. Treat them as human because, it turns out, that’s what they are. This includes discouraging disrespect from other men. And let’s stop pretending chivalry and respect are the same thing. Opening doors for women is a nice gesture but leaves plenty of room for condescension. You’ve probably opened a door for a dog or cat at some point too.
Respecting women is about assuming that they are intelligent, capable, and their own person. Somewhere along the way we forgot every lesson that every religion, teacher, parent and even science taught us. The Golden Rule. Karma. Newton’s Third Law of Motion. You get what you give. To get respect you show respect. Here are 10 simple things to remember on how to respect women and make sure they aren’t scared as fuck.
#1 — Don’t rape, kill, or sexually assault them. Like you wouldn’t rape, kill, or sexually assault your guy friends. This includes guilt-tripping them because they didn’t fuck you. That is coercion. If you throw a tantrum because literally nothing happened, what else are you capable of?
#2 — Call out prejudice and stereotyping when you hear it. You’d like that if someone did that for you. You remember the golden rule. Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you unless they’re female cos bitches be cray.” No, he didn’t.
#3 — When you hear a friend throw out a sexist remark like “she’s an ugly bitch” respond with something like “that’s subjective and unnecessary unless we’re trying to draw attention to your damage and immaturity.”
#4 — When a guy says, “her lips would do the job” respond with, “She has nice lips but there are many other crucial factors at play when it comes to oral stimulation … like willingness.” I know that’s two in a row on sexist remarks, but the perpetuation of sexist thinking is on the front lines of fucking up our chances so shut the fuck up.
#5 — When a woman is talking, listen and add to the conversation. Like you would your guy friends.
#6 — Assume that women are capable of all the things you are. Like you would your guy friends … until they show they are more or less advanced in any given arena. Whatever you do and however good you are there are several things that countless women out there would do better than you. E.g. Men’s car insurance is higher than women’s for a reason (hint: they’re better drivers than us.) And it was a woman that swam to Cuba for fuck’s sake.
#7 — Assume that all women desire/fantasize about as much sex with as many people as you do. That’s okay. Like it’s okay for you. That includes your wife or girlfriend. Feel lucky that she’s not acting on that because you and I both know she could score much easier than you. If you’re freaking out over her feelings, you’re either being possessive or she’s not a good match for you. So chill out or let her go, just stop being a dick.
#8 — Acknowledge that women have the right to do and feel whatever they want. Like you do. If you don’t like what she thinks or wants, don’t hang out with her.
#9 — You aren’t owed affection. Ever. Not even if you deserve it. If a woman you aren’t interested in sent you wonderful messages every day, you’d have a right to say NO to her marriage requests. Just like if you’re going above and beyond to win the affection of a woman and getting nothing in return, she doesn’t need to step it up, you need to decide whether you want to keep trying or not (even if she’s your wife.)
#10 — Finally, and this is a big one, stop being a prick. A man manlier than you once said, “You can tell the size of the man by the size of the things that bother him.” Let’s get back to that. And not just to look like a badass. Keep yourself calm on the inside too. If something legitimately bothers you, use your words. Discuss it with the right person or people. Figure it out. Get perspective. You’re a meaningless, temporary speck. Enjoy it. Road rage and Twitter wars are for sissy shits who deserve no respect.
We grew up being taught that manliness is about being rational, reliable, absorbing knowledge from as many sources as possible and putting it to use. Too many of us have let that morph into bravado, self-aggrandizing and entitlement. Too many of us have stopped being manly and only pretend to be. Do you know what fakers get? No respect. Man the fuck up. If you love the ladies, respect them.
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