I’ll start with a disclaimer — every relationship is different. Different needs, different goals, different thresholds. So you do what works for you, and if what I’m writing here doesn’t work for you, then feel free to stop reading and go on your merry way, I won’t be offended.
Okay, a second disclaimer is also required. We don’t literally spend all our time together. I have a regular 9–5 day job while he creates marvellous things and does all the housework. We spend time with family or friends individually. But by and large, when we can be together, we are together.
Disclaimers aside, the two of us prefer to be with each other. We have a custom computer desk so we can be side by side while gaming or working or socialising. When we go out we will sit together if we can, holding hands and legs touching, even if we’re both engaging in different conversations. We know this is unusual, but we wouldn’t change it.
I often read pieces online where spouses can’t handle being around each other for long periods of time. The pandemic was hard on these types because suddenly they were in a house together, always, and were finding it hard to cope.
While I know I’m an introvert and everyone has different needs for time alone my first reaction to reading these things is utter disbelief.
You can’t handle having your life partner in the house with you for an extended period of time? What?
Especially in reference to couples isolating due to the pandemic I do know that there were other factors at play — the pandemic wasn’t kind on anyone and it was a stressor that I’m sure made things much harder. And of course I’m not talking about people whose relationships are unhealthy or abusive, that’s a whole other story. I get it.
But what I don’t get is finding having your chosen life partner around difficult to deal with.
Sometimes you need to be alone. That’s fine, you ask for it and if your partner respects you, you get it. Even if “alone” in a one bedroom apartment means sequestering yourself in a corner with headphones on.
Your partner may have habits that annoy you. That’s just life and again, you talk about it and work out a solution. The key is honesty and openness, it might be hard but it’s really simple.
The two of you may have conflicting needs, and more if there are kids or pets involved. Guess what, the two of you figure it out.
I can’t wait to get home from my day job and be with my husband. He counts the minutes until he can come and pick me up from the train station. Our favourite thing is to simply be together, even if that means he’s playing League of Legends while I watch YouTube videos.
It’s not a honeymoon phase — we’ve been together for over ten years. It’s just how we are. It’s amazing.
Yes, spending time apart is as important as spending it together. I enjoy the times when he’s out of the house and I have free run to do whatever I want, however I want. But I enjoy, even more, the time when he gets back. While breaks are important and other people are important and having time for yourself, and you only, is important I truly, honestly don’t get having a limit on how much time with your spouse is acceptable before your relationship starts falling apart.
I suppose what I’m saying, if I’m saying anything at all, is that it makes me sad to know that there are people who find having their spouse around for longer than usual a chore. Marriage shouldn’t be a burden, a struggle, something you put up with.
My husband and I spend all our time together, and it’s awesome.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.