The latest “dating advice” drivel circulating the internet these days is an article which I will not link to by a writer whom I will not name. Though he is a self-proclaimed “dating and relationship expert” (note I’ve never before called myself an expert…), his advice is just a tad off-base.
His stance is that even if a woman is wearing headphones, it doesn’t mean she isn’t looking for a boyfriend! You can (and should) still totally talk to her! He then goes into a detailed description of how you should go about it, and even adds in fun little captions about how much she is going to be enjoying herself and your interaction.
If you approach a woman and motion for her to take off her headphones so you can talk to her, you are not saying “I am so confident that you should totally like me.” What you are saying is: “I have no idea how to pick up on social cues and I also don’t respect your personal space. Wanna go out?”
There are a multitude of signs women give off that they don’t want to be talked to, and precisely ZERO of them are invitations to test how confident you are. If she has her baseball hat covering her face early in the morning at Starbucks, she doesn’t want to be talked to. If she’s turned away from everyone in a bookstore reading, she doesn’t want to be talked to. And if she has both of her headphones in, she definitely doesn’t want to be talked to.
You see – this is the reason why men have a hard time meeting women these days, because nobody takes the time to actually observe and adjust to the conditions.
The issue here is a sense of entitlement to someone else’s time and attention. No woman owes any man anything, and frankly she is likely bombarded by creepers on social media every day of her life, so if you think that invading the only real personal space that she has is going to get you anywhere, I’d love to hear your reasoning why.
Listen, I’m not trying to be harsh or overly-critical here, even though I know that’s how it sounds – but this is the exact reason why we really need to bring back the idea of dignity and romance when it comes to dating, because the world is being bombarded with senseless “advice” that is only making things worse.
Women are constantly being made to feel uncomfortable by men who don’t understand when to back off, or when to never begin in the first place. There are not many guarantees in life, but I can just about guarantee that no man will ever say: “See, son, your mother and I met because I approached her in a park while she was reading and tore her headphones off of her face so I could talk to her. The rest is history.”
This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog
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