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It’s a shame because as a man you take on so much unnecessary stress that does nothing (really) to make your connection deeper or sex more frequent or satisfying.
How can you be intimate with someone you believe you’re responsible for? You can’t because everything she goes through becomes about you. Every negative emotion she has says something about your inability to make her happy. You’re navigating a minefield, trying to avoid disaster.
Essentially, when you make your woman your responsibility, you can’t see that she’s the rightful creator and director of her own life. You can’t respect or appreciate the importance of the journey she’s on as a human being.
Trying to “make” a woman happy is really about you. It’s about your own uncomfortability with her process. It’s about your fears of getting it wrong, and your concern that it will all blow up one day.
But trying to manage her kills the love and passion — because she needs you to see her as a human being, with the powers and inner resources to create and live her life. She wants you to witness her with awe, not with pity, at all she goes through — and to give her the space and encouragement to find her way through it.
When you believe her happiness is your responsibility you interfere rather than support. You’re efficient rather than loving. You’re distant rather than emotional.
The result: She feels unloved, exactly what you didn’t want. And, sadly, she feels the lack of you.
Deep down a woman wants acceptance for her emotions (even the ones you see as crazy) and for her process. She wants the powerful witness in you, not the fixer.
Yes, you can also help and your help is greatly appreciated, but know in your heart that you’re assisting the master – at her request. Take your hands out of the business of making her happy, and see how much happier you are!
When you step back and look closely, you’ll see that you had tremendous power all along – to offer a loving ear, your open heart and your sincere interest. You’ll see that she too is actually a lot happier when there isn’t the pressure to be happy for you.
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