#12. Being attracted to another is bad and should be kept quiet
Physical attraction is an fascinating phenomenon. There are as many beliefs about it as there are people. I don’t try to explain it, I just know that it’s not wrong or bad, and it will most likely occur even in the best of relationships.
When it happens, staying silent is sure to cause many problems and prevents us from some very important learning that can occur from talking about it. Staying silent causes emotional distance as one person hides and the other seeks, or ignores. Guilt, deadness, resentment, and many more negative feelings create emotional distance and many more problems.
So many feelings arise when this happens that the possibilities for learning are endless.
Just a few of the questions that can be discussed and learned from include:
What fears keep me from being honest about my feelings and behavior?
What is my part in creating the blocks in communication that have led to not discussing this?
What do I need to do to improve the communication between us?
What has been your experience with talking about feelings of attraction toward another person? If they have not been positive then try to keep in mind that when your heart is open, an intention to learn will always be present.
(Note: If you are new to this series, the Introduction to the series is above)
Nothing limits our ability to love and be loved, and to find joy and fulfillment more than the beliefs that disconnect us from our hearts. And, nowhere do these beliefs cause more limitations than in our sex lives.
Learning about my sexuality meant challenging a great deal of what conventional thinking had taught me. Although my experiences are from a heterosexual perspective, I know from nearly fifty years of teaching about relationships and practicing psychotherapy with people across the sexual identity spectrum that we all share both many limiting beliefs and the desire for meaningful intimate relationships.
Some of the deeply engrained false sexual beliefs and fears that plagued my life will be addressed. The last blog in this series “Sex Beyond Belief” describes a different kind of sex, one that emerges when we are out of our heads and the sexual experience transcends false beliefs.
Photo: Flickr/Richard Foster