The latest in Dr. Paul’s 14 false beliefs of sexuality
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Conventional thinking taught me that the vagina was an ugly, yucky part of a woman’s body. In my youth, “going down” on a woman was the last thing I wanted to do. If a woman asked me to go down on her I took a deep breath and dutifully accommodated her. But I couldn’t wait to come up for a breath of fresh air.
About a year into a new relationship, I admitted this to my partner. She responded, “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. Why do you think I stopped asking you to do it?”
“Really,” I said, “I thought I’d gotten pretty good at hiding how much I didn’t particularly like it. You have to admit, the vagina is not the most attractive part of your body.”
With a slight nod and an understanding smile she said, “You know, I grew up believing my vagina wasn’t very pretty. I never thought it was ugly but certainly never thought it beautiful. But, that all started to change when I became acquainted with Georgia O’Keeffe. If you’ve never seen her paintings, I’d love to introduce you to her.”
Through my partner’s eyes, and O’Keeffe’s paintings, a whole new world opened. As I related the curves and delicateness of O’Keeffe’s flowers to my partner’s vagina, I began seeing with new eyes. I became fascinated by the wondrous complexity and contours within her vagina, the way its color would change, and by its mysterious depth.
Of course, as I became a connoisseur and loved spending more time with my new “friend,” the experience opened up new possibilities for my partner’s sexual responsiveness. For example, I had never continued to stay connected to a woman’s vagina through her orgasm until I learned to love the vagina.
Staying with her through her orgasm not only allowed the power of her orgasm to increase, but also provided me with the ride of my life. Entering her as her orgasm was winding down, brought new life into her experience and often became the wonderful way we ended our lovemaking.
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What keeps you from appreciating the beauty of your partners genitals?
(Note: If you are new to this series, the Introduction to the series is above)
Nothing limits our ability to love and be loved, and to find joy and fulfillment more than the beliefs that disconnect us from our hearts. And, nowhere do these beliefs cause more limitations than in our sex lives.
Learning about my sexuality meant challenging a great deal of what conventional thinking had taught me. Although my experiences are from a heterosexual perspective, I know from nearly fifty years of teaching about relationships and practicing psychotherapy with people across the sexual identity spectrum that we all share both many limiting beliefs and the desire for meaningful intimate relationships.
Some of the deeply engrained false sexual beliefs and fears that plagued my life will be addressed. The last blog in this series “Sex Beyond Belief” describes a different kind of sex, one that emerges when we are out of our heads and the sexual experience transcends false beliefs.
Photo: Flickr/krzyboy2o
I must admit, in my 45 years of living I’ve never heard that piece of “conventional thinking” you refer to in your opening paragraph.
On the contrary, I’ve heard plenty of women describe how they have sex with men despite the look of their naked body.
Sorry for the late answer…