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Despite the growing number of May-December relationships—notably among celebrities—the majority of people in our society still disapprove of this type of relationship.
This article does not intend to radically end this discrimination but to show a different side of this often disapproved romance. I still get a lot of looks from strangers when my husband and I go out. He’s 16 years my senior and the gap is apparent. Six years of togetherness is enough to prove the naysayers wrong. I can’t help but be in awe of the ways this relationship has changed me as a person and as a woman. Here are a few of the most evident that have played a vital role in my life.
The Intangibles
Physical attraction comes first in any romantic encounter. But before you could say you’ve fallen in love, it takes the abstract, intangible aspects to prove it. Being near this well-groomed and obviously intelligent man was enough to make my day. As days went by, I started to see how he is lauded for his genuine kindness and generosity. His co-workers and subordinates respect him for his hard work. His friends love him for his humor and thoughtfulness. His family is forever grateful for his selflessness. I want people to think of and love me in the same way. Since then, he became the benchmark I’ve set for myself.
Maturity
Many of my insights and discernments in life are influenced by my experiences with my husband. He demonstrates how to handle certain situations level-headedly when people my age would most likely do otherwise. When it comes to commitments—be it relational, professional or social—a yes is a yes. I love making excuses (most of us, I guess), but for my husband, it speaks of a person’s sense of responsibility, professionalism and being a man of your words.
Stability
A lot of studies claim that people middle age and older are more emotionally stable than young adults. Their social networks are stronger since they’re more satisfied with their circle of friends, giving them a more positive outlook on life. Women in their youth want the freedom to explore possibilities and test their limits. These women want men who would support them in their endeavors. Men who won’t add more burden to their already burdened life. I’d like to call these men neutralizers because younger women tend to be in their extremes.
There’s no denying the fact that it takes time to attain financial stability. It’s seldom easy to climb the corporate ladder. Promotion happens when you’ve secured graduate degrees and gained enough experience in a particular field. Women nowadays are independent with established careers and enough savings. As for men, they’ve been working and saving for themselves and future family as well. Raising a family requires a lot of effort and money to make both ends meet. Money is a touchy subject among couples, so cooperation and wise management of hard-earned resources are crucial.
Priorities
Many of us would consider health issues as one of the major disadvantages of a May-December relationship. In fact, my father died due to a heart attack when my younger brother and I were still in our teens. Though my husband is a picture of vigor and health, he still worries me. With all the pressures at work and the demands of family life, a lot of diseases could be acquired, especially the killer heart disease and cancer. Instead of succumbing to the doubts and dilemmas, we move forward. We’re mindful of what we eat, we’re careful with our hearts and we detoxify to keep other dreaded diseases at bay.
We’re yet to have our own children but we’re already looking at their future. Sooner or later, we’ll have to rearrange our priorities to secure our family at the top—next to God, that is. It’s because of family that we treat health matters with utmost importance and urgency. We regard this aspect as a disadvantage and an advantage at the same time, for taking care of our health is a concrete manifestation of love for self and family.
Compatibility Level: Interdependent
Our relationship served as a concrete example of interdependence to me. This kind of relationship necessitates the younger to mature and the older to regain his youth and jive in. Although this is not always the case or the basis, it could be a factor for a healthy and complementary relationship. Since we belong in the same field (teachers), my husband mentors me. My limitations due to age and experience are offset by his. In his case, he relies much on my generation’s technological proficiency until he can do most of the techie stuff by himself.
Value What Matters Most
You can never please everyone. In contrast, others enjoy mocking and setting countdowns on our relationships. Even some of our close friends have joined in the fun. It’s disappointing and depressing if you think about it, but we refuse to dwell in it. We’re still blessed with a good number of sensible and objective friends who stood with us during our darkest days.
If there’s anyone who has right to say anything about the relationship, it would be the families. The approval of both parties matters more than anything else. Our families responded rather beautifully to our relationship, welcoming each of us with open arms. When I first met his family, I froze at the sight of his mother, but she melted me with a big and warm embrace saying, “finally someone for my beloved son.” That meant the world to me.
Bottomline
For a complicated relationship to work, partners should see and appreciate each other’s unique qualities. Character and maturity are indispensable. The love must be placed on a stable foundation of emotions and perspectives. Differences and limitations turned into strengths through synergy. Finally, draw courage and confidence on the wholehearted acceptance of families and precious friends to face the outside world. With that said, I sure hope we start looking at May-December relationships as a more socially acceptable avenue for love and growth and not instantly judge it as entirely detrimental to the people involved and to the society.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
You bring some respectability back to the GMP! Thank you!
Wow, thank you so much!
wow! awesome and speechless! couldn’t agree more! keep up the great work !
Thank you so much! Glad you liked it!