Dr. Vibe asks: Why are so many good Black men still single?
Victory Unlimited is the codename of the man who hosts The Victory Unlimited Show. The fans of the show call it the greatest rating, Relationship, and life strategy show for men in the world. It’s the headquarters for nice guys, good guys, and gutsy guys who want to better their lives. We go through his article The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single as well as what kind of responses he is getting from men and women about the article. He also gives some words of advice for single Black men and women.
–Photo: rprathap/Flickr
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@DD: American culture has this effect on women of all races who by in to materialism and individualism as religion.As you suggest,the same things are happening in the white communities and others, as well. White women don’t get along any better or understand the needs of white men any better than do black women understand those of black men. So, in that regard the discussion of whether white or black women get black men is really rendered moot. Moreover, the problems associated with this gender disconnection extend well beyond the narrow confines of romantic relationships.The family is the center of… Read more »
I think a big part of the problem is that black women’s standards for what constitutes a good black men are so high, that by the time a black man has reached them, he’s likely fully immersed/assimilated into white culture. By the same token, many of these men were passed over in their youth by black women because they weren’t thug/gangsta/alpha enough then, and have no interest in turning black. At least, that’s been my experience with the dozen or so good black men that I’ve known. I’m sure its different on the coasts, and maybe the south… but out… Read more »
@DD:You bring up a good point that is seldom talked about;black women’s desire for hyper masculinity in black men. There are those who blame black men for adopting what was called ” the cool pose” back in the 60’s and use this point to explain the high rates of violence among some black men and youths. According to these folks, black men choose this behavior model because, after all, they are men and all men are patriarchal in nature. I remember distinctly being raised by a woman who demanded her boy’s to be tough and physical; who would never start… Read more »
@Joan: Hi dear! That sandwich is good! I will try for the third time to evade the moderator. That these particular women have resigned themselves to being single is SWEET IRONY, there I wrote it again! Trust me, the feelings is mutual, sort of. After being soundly rejected, put down, and made to feel inferior of by them first in no uncertain terms, I am bored with these kinds of women, having grown beyond them. As is being discussed on another thread, materialism is dying and wise men and women and recalibrating what it means to be human and happy.… Read more »
Glad to hear it, it puts a smile on my face. Sending you a big warm hug.
Ogwriter, folks are awake! I’m excited. They are challenging everything from the IRS, Syria, contraception in school, to Affimative Action.
http://www.diversity-executive.com/articles/view/high-court-affirmative-action-case-could-have-work
place-implications/
John,
Yes. To be sure: The “definition” of a good black man is subjective—depending which particular man or woman you ask. But the thing is: After people answer that question for themselves, they should THEN turnaround and honestly ask themselves THIS question too:
Are my standards realistic or UNREALISTIC?
There are COLD BEDS all over North America with single women (and men) laying in them who’d rather be ALONE than to take a SECOND look at some of the “soul mate” criteria that they’ve been using.
Maybe my standards are too high, my friend, but I will always choose my cold bachelor’s bed over sharing a bed with someone I am not absolutely, positively in love with. Of course, I’ve been married and divorced once, and my son turns 14 in a couple months, and even though he is a real pain-in-the-ass to deal with right now, my son reminds me every day who the real soul mate in my life is. What I’ve found in my single years–going on 7 now–is that most women want to be priority #1 in my life, even if they… Read more »
Having spoken with black women, it seems that a “good” black man, meaning one who is at least as educated and wealthier than most black women, are in short supply. The criminal industrial complex traps many black men in far greater proportion to whites and Asians. Black men also lag behind in college. For people interested in dating within their race, it would make being a “good” black man a premium and so why should he get married when he can date several women? The black woman I spoke with was a professor at my college. She told us that… Read more »
What if you are a black man who isn’t looking for a black woman, but is looking for a good woman? How exactly does your advice work in that scenario? The idea that only a black woman will do is kind of strange, if not altogether exclusive and maybe even racist. I mean the truth is, if one believes the reams of supportive evidence from anthropologists, geneticists and the like, WE ALL ARE FROM AFRICA ANYWAY, so why make the racial distinctions? The truth is, even among black folks, that many of us have so called white blood. Are you… Read more »
og,
I can’t help but think that a mind-blowingly racist criminal justice system which so often locks up black men and breaks up families is the primary reason for this lack of solidarity. If memory serves me you live in CA and were a firsthand witness to the Reagan CIA’s crack cocaine schemes of the 80s, with fallout that continues to this day. That no real accounting has taken place is shameful.
Ben
@Ben… The problem with the demise of the Black family started way way before the “mind blowing racist criminal justice system” went into high gear. It existed 50 years ago! I happen to believe it goes back to slavery and the post Civil War era. But, it was masked because we ALL needed one another to survive. We had a common enemy – The White Man. I do not get along well with a lot of Black women. I treat all women the same, period. However, I do see in many Black women this arrogance and an attitude of superiority… Read more »
Yo OGWriter, No. The original caller who inspired the show was lamenting his failure @ finding a good black woman (so far). He was a black man who WANTED black women. The responses to his question was for him and THOUSANDS of black men just like him. In reference to how does a man find a good woman: On the original show, my recommendation was for guys to implement strategy #12: The You Tube Strategy: Many good guys—especially the stereotypically “too nice” type of guys are a little too subtle and deprecating—to a fault. Good men should “Broadcast Themselves” more.… Read more »
@ogwriter…
I do think Black women do understand AND empathize with Black men more than White women. I have to be fair here.
How many White women do you know would put up with a lot of the tired ass okie doke brothers out here. I know sisters who refuse to “go downtown” to make brothers pay child support. Why? They have said they do not want to see another brother locked up.
@Julia Byrd: Well, Jules maybe another way to look at this situation is this.I no longer concern myself as much with whether or not a partner understands my history,mostly for practical reasons. The truth seems to be that if a person who loves you actually does, then knowing details about ones history doesn’t matter as much. For instance,if I go to my partner and need to vent because of the pressures of being a minority have bubbled over the top, my partner needs to understand that I am in pain, that’s all. All they have to do is provide the… Read more »
“To the black women that John points out, I am invisible,I don’t even exist. It seems logical that if I \don’t exists then they couldn’t possibly see me. If they can’t see me they couldn’t possibly relate to me or my struggles.” OGWriter, This a very powerful statement that you just made—and unfortunately it’s echoed by MANY black men that listen to my show and Dr. Vibe’s show. If there’s no other reason for men and women of ANY race to REVISIT their relationship views—then that one alone should be enough. The hardcore truth is that both genders often tend… Read more »
Ogwriter, spoken like a true leader and no you are not invisible my friend. Not only are black women in a sound chamber but white women are too. You said it before white guys in power need to wake up and hold women accountable, I’m listening to you.
Here’s another short example of how far this Battle of the Sexes has crept into the predominately white world…the military.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/uniformed-code-of-military-injustice/
“…I know sisters who refuse to “go downtown” to make brothers pay child support. Why? They have said they do not want to see another brother locked up.”
Jules, that’s an awesome sign and hopeful message, if we can get more women (of all colors) to figure out that throwing men in jail is not the solution to a better family. I know kids need to eat, but come on, forcing a father to pay-up, when he may not have the money…doesn’t make sense.
P.S. I know white women who won’t ‘go downtown’ either.
I wonder how much of this is being a black man and how much is just being a single man in general. I would never say that single men all have exactly the same issues regardless of race. Just curious how you would estimate the race factor — is it twice as hard as being a single white guy, 15% harder, 5 times easier, or….?
@wellokthen: I will take a stab at this if you don’t mind. For someone like me, a black man of some vintage , who grew up during the heat of the civil right’s movement and has been through the subsequent storms and upheavals, it is no longer about skin color. The problems that beset black men are the same problems, in general, that trouble white guys.It is just that black guys are the canaries in the mine shaft. Whatever horrible awful obstacles black men have to deal with white men ultimately or sometimes simultaneously must deal with also.In America, it… Read more »
@ogwriter… Hey Bro! How are those finals? Hope all is well. I do think that, as far as women are concerned, black men do have it better than white men. The problem in the white world is that white men traded on their privileged status at the expense of all others. Now, today’s modern college educated white women are dishing out shall I say ” a little payback.” Also, women of color are just not as nit picky about their men as white women. I think the reason I get along so well with white women, more so than black… Read more »
Ogwriter, It’s pretty clear that men of all shades of blue are not only speaking up, but taking a stand on issues and raising the political BS flag. Both the Left and Right are stepping all over our CR and are polarizing into extremes. Politicians are not speaking for the silent majority…white guys. It won’t take long before blue Gatorade becomes a refreshing balance to pink Kool-Aid.
P.S. the bacon & tuna sandwich recommendation was delicious! Thanks
I need to have a listen to this podcast, and I’m glad you weighed in on it ogwriter.
Wellokaythen, Excellent point. The problems that so many single men have in finding the right women for them is a universal one—and not limited to just black men only. The Victory Unlimited Show has a multicultural audience composed of men (and women) of wide-ranging ages and agendas. The reason why that particular show was aimed at black men was because the guy who called represented a large section of black guys who almost NEVER have their opinions heard or have their questions answered. The show was meant to shine a light on the issue—as well as stress the value of… Read more »
What’s up Doc. I see you actually had the NERVE to unleash this particular show on the Good Men Project audience. That took confidence, courage, and a commitment to making POSITIVE changes in the lives of good men and women everywhere—-which is exactly what you do every day of the week, my man.
But I gotta warn you:
They might NOT be ready for this. So you better brace for impact—-because you already know that this subject is gonna hit A LOT of people where they live.—with NO MERCY.
Much RESPECT to you.
~Victory Unlimited