When a man loves football, no matter how faithful he may be, his woman has competition. He longs for that nearly twelve-inch, dressed in all leather, white-laced and perfectly sewn pigskin, and for six months of the year, she gives him just what he’s been missing in his life. He spends time with her, holds her tight, cherishes her dearly and thinks about her obsessively. He cares about her and she gets his attention. For half of the year, every year, she is the other girl.
On defense, is his significant other and believe me, she’s not going to just sit back in a prevent. She’s going to blitz him and nag him and get in his head. She’s going to rattle him, shake him and make him flustered. For once, I’m telling you, man is going to enjoy a tie.
I know what you are thinking: A tie? A freaking tie? There’s no tying in sports, let alone in football. Hear your coach—again, I’m telling you—man is going to enjoy a tie.
No real fanatic is going to give up the gridiron altogether, nor should any loving lady expect one to. However, like a well-gelled team in perfect cahoots, you and your life partner would be wise to come up with a game plan and execute it nicely. This, my friends, is that game plan. Behold: four downs to make your woman and yourself happy during football season.
First Down– The Early Lead
While there is no promise that a big early lead will stick throughout the slate’s entirety, it certainly doesn’t hurt things. Set your alarm on football weekends. Cook her breakfast. Rub her feet. Sip coffee outside together. Go on a hike. Spend time with her. Don’t—I repeat, don’t—run a no-huddle, quick-paced offense on this. Savor these moments. This is not bribery. This is compromise. You know, that thing you’re supposed to do with your better half!
Second Down– Lay Off the Cupcakes and Don’t Consume Late at Night
Although we all could likely follow this advice with our diets, that’s not what I’m talking about here. You are aware of what cupcakes are. They are those events we take for granted. Fortunately for us, they rarely cause us regret in the football world. Oh, but they put us in a bind (AKA the couch) in the relationship world! Bottom line: avoid games that are going to be blowouts like the plague. Piggybacking off of that, unless it is a matchup you have been dying to see, or your favorite team, skip the first half of late night games. Do something with her instead. Then you can still return in time for the last-quarter drama, and she will be more than willing to let you have this one.
Third Down– Give Her the Ball
One of the best ways to make a woman happy on football weekends is to include her in on them. Fair warning—she is going to talk your head off, but it beats her not talking to you out of spite later. Trust me; you’ll reflect often when you have an ice cold beer, your team on the tube and your woman in a jersey laying on your lap. Stroke her hair and talk to her when you can. If you followed my advice for first and second down, she’ll be perfectly fine with where she is at and the balance between quality time and football frenzy will be strong for you. Teach her the basics of the game and give her the back stories. She doesn’t want to learn about a zone-blocking scheme per se, but she would love to talk about Von Miller’s dance moves on Dancing with the Stars. Give her that! It is football talk, technically.
Fourth Down– Schedule Bye Weeks
As much as you may think you need football every single weekend, I can promise you that your need for her is greater. If it is not, she has a need, too: it is called a new boyfriend! Take some weeks off from the TV and give her companionship. Show her that football season or not, she is a priority. It is not going to kill you to DVR Alabama versus Kentucky (I’ll save you the suspense: Roll Tide).
Moving the Chains
Your world is a better place when she is in it. Show her what you value most. I believe in you! Or, you could not listen to me and she could learn some football lingo of her own like “take a hike.”
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Until next time, be Good Men.
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