One of the top things people list on their online dating profile is an ‘adventure buddy’. This dooms the relationship before it even starts. Relationships are exciting when they are new. It is already going to feel like an adventure. Newness should feel like an adventure as you are getting to know the other person. If you are constantly chasing after that next big thing, how is the relationship going to survive once the sparkle wears down and you realize there is a real person in front of you; once you remember you are not in a rom-com and there is work to be done?
Do you want a few months of intense passion or do you want longevity? Asking for an adventure buddy is a set up for unpredictable. It is the person who doesn’t call, doesn’t text back, doesn’t keep dates but when they show up it’s always thrilling. The adventure buddy is how hearts get broken over and over again; how we break our own heart and don’t understand why.
If what you are looking for is longevity than the person you are looking for is your teammate. Teammates have the same goals. Teammates have each other’s back; they aren’t afraid to get down in the mud and fight; they have action plans; they communicate; they work together, even when they don’t agree.
What is it you want to be building? Get honest with yourself. You are the one that can give yourself exactly what you need in a relationship. You know yourself better than anyone. If you don’t know yourself yet then you need to start. Then, find yourself the partner of your dreams. Make a list of what you want in a relationship, in a partner, and what you don’t want. Stick to it. Even if making this list feels dumb right now, being able to remind yourself later will be helpful. It is easy to get side-tracked when the glitter of a new relationship gets your eyes. We ignore things we shouldn’t. We backtrack and tell ourselves I want this when we don’t.
Build your team in your head. The adventure you are looking for will come naturally. It will come in laughing so hard you can’t breathe. It will come in fighting for a relationship you care enough about to fight for. It will come in years that go by so fast you won’t believe another one happened. It will come with things so hard you didn’t think you would get through them. It will come with joy you didn’t know you could have.
Previously published on Medium.com.
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