How female and male brains can explain why we’re so different.
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In my early years as a teacher somewhere between the first ice age and now I would present the same assignment every year. “Build your dream house,” I would exhort to my 6th graders. Obviously, they needed to build their houses on a small scale, but they could use any materials they wanted. I never gave them any instruction as to what to use or how they should do it, but to just use their imaginations. What came back was a complete surprise to me. Every girl—and I mean every girl—brought in a shoe box with a hole in it that I could look into and see the interior of their house. It would be laid out perfectly with small carpet samples, chairs and even a bedroom set.
The boys—and I mean all the boys—built their dream houses with these columns that would sort of wobble, with towers on top of that, and were usually painted with sparkly stuff. It was striking in the sense that the girls’ were very interior in their vision for their dream house and the boys’ were very exterior in their orientation.
I also found the girls to be good helpers, compliant, supportive, sensitive and generally more maternal than their male counterparts. The boy’s were always joking, running, figuring out puzzles, competing in sports and games while driving to succeed in the classroom (unless they had self esteem problems, and many of them did). Of course, what kind of culture, parental involvement and other factors played a role in each child’s degree of gender normative behavior, but the physical and psychological differences between the boys and the girls struck me as being very marked at that age.
While researching for this blog, I ran across an old episode of the successful series “Friends.” In this episode, the women talked about a first kiss between the characters played by Jennifer Anniston and David Schwimmer, in a much different way than the men. The women wanted to know about every detail of the interaction: where his hands were, what he said—in short, everything. Then the show cuts to the men, who were huddled around a table gorging on pizza when the Schwimmer character says that he kissed her and the other two guys say, “Cool.” That was it. We laugh at this snippet of male and female differences because we know it’s all too true. Men generally don’t talk about serious or personal matters nearly as much as women do.
While men and women can value and engage in many of the same activities, they often have preferential differences. When I am working with couples, the men talk a lot about wanting a helpmate and activity partner, while women say they want to feel acknowledged and validated. Women talk about connection, being cherished, and security, and men talk about problem solving and achieving success. Women may feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives, while men often find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, even overwhelming.
Why this difference?
Women have four times as many brain cells or neurons that connect the right and left hemisphere of their brains. This physical evidence supports the idea that men rely more heavily on their left brain to solve one problem, one step at a time, while women have more efficient access to both sides of their brain. Because of this difference, women have greater access to their right brain, which is associated with creative problem solving. Women have a more enhanced ability to multitask than their male counterparts.
Clearly, creative problem solving and multitasking are a desirable combination of assets. Women tend to be intuitive and can think globally. They will consider many sources of information simultaneously. They tend to take a broad perspective, and view elements in an assignment as interrelated and interdependent.
Men tend to focus acutely on one or a limited number of problems at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems and can intellectually minimize the complexity, compared to the way that women incorporate personal experience into their problem solving. This tendency in men may make the dissonance or emotional association of ethical problems more manageable. The kind of logical thinking at which men excel is more linear, or sequential, and men with this style will view tasks as independent from one another.
So, with all these dissimilarities how in the world do relationships between men and women ever work at all?
Rather than seeing these differences as unavoidable sources of discord, we can view these differences as desirable. Because men and women have complementary skills, the balance between the two makes for healthy and productive partnership. We can view conflict as inevitable because of these essential differences, instead of as an indication of a fundamental flaw in our relationship. As men and women embrace these distinctions between one another, it allows each sex to learn the language of the other so that communication can thrive.
When men and women unite instead of compete they become a working partnership rather than living in separate worlds.
Vive la différence.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Well the women of today are Nothing at all like the Good old fashioned women were.
I have enjoyed reading this discussion. My input is simply this: I am a 53 year old woman married to a 53 year old man for 25 years. I know for a fact that my husband tends to focus strongly on one thing at a time while I tend to focus on several things at once. For example: When we clean house together, I have a timed plan for the day to get all of the chores done simultaneously while my husband can easily get frustrated if I try and force him to think about more than one chore at… Read more »
How do you know all of these differences are directly related to brain anatomy? I think allot of it is down to upbringing and society. For example, Men who are overly emotional are normally treated differently (they’re “Not cool” “gay” etc) and because of this men tend to suppress these aspects of there personality to be accepted by there peers… I think I’d feel very uncomfortable if a man was upset and started hugging me and crying on my shoulder… your reaction would be something like “Don’t be a baby” or “Grow up” (you’re giving negative feedback to this behaviour…… Read more »
Not to refute the ideas expressed in this article at all, but, isn’t a lot of male/female psych and differences influenced by how our cultural society conditions each gender? Before babies are even born as soon as the sex is identified, they are gender typed. Girl pink boy blue. Dolls are for girls, trucks are for boys. Mix that up and your children are gay mentality… People draw on their social surroundings. so if a male child is rewarded for manly behavior and chastised for being a wimp, his brain makes that connection and he learns and is shaped by… Read more »
I strongly suspect that the fact young boys (<12 mnths) receive significantly less physical affection than young girls (<12 mnths) does do have a real impact on the gender difference we see. This takes place way before the child is exposed to media and I think it's more important than the child emulating behavior seen in adults.
Mother's also talk more to baby girls than to baby boys. Significantly more baby girls were breast fed than baby boys. ( http://books.google.no/books?id=ZuAOAAAAQAAJ&lpg=PP1&hl=no&pg=PA1249#v=onepage&q&f=false )
Indeed, and yet this article talks about children entering their school years (so we’re talking 4/5 years old) as if they were ‘blank slates’ and as if they had recieved no previous gender socialisation.
Gosh, I meant Brizendine has less of a problem. Fuzzy today.
Or “burden.” My hunch is that best anyone can do would be something like Sweden, where mothers get income/protection. I think attempts to rid culture of “gender” completely are fairly perverse and are likely to be grotesque.
Attempts to “fence” gender with restrictions (ie restrictions on men’s clothing), stigma (on doing certain activities) and rewarding sheep behavior (conformism for everyone forever!) – is no better.
What’s female or feminine about raising kids? It’s a human thing.
What’s female or feminine about skirts, about arts, about figure skating, about ballet, about gymnastics?
What’s male or masculine about beer, about fast cars, about pick up trucks, or about dressing as bland as possible forever for no reason than it being THE (only) standard (might as well be a uniform)?
“I think Fine has less of a burden, since she’s dealing with harder variables (like hormones, aspects of physiology, etc.) I’m a sociologist, and I hate admitting it, but the research behind much of advocacy social science is “iffyer.” Over the years, because of this, I’ve been drawn more and more toward biologically-based points of view. This needen’t push us toward an illiberal or unjust view of society, though. I absolutely believe in salary parity, and both sex’s access to any and all jobs.” Hank. Your belief in salary parity–presumably for exactly identical jobs–and access are pretty mainstream. Problem is… Read more »
I wanted to like Cordelia Fine much more than I did. I think the book is basically procrustian– in other words it seeks to find research that leads to its conclusions. I’ll grant that many societies exaggerate biological differences for reasons of militarism, or to foster aggressive and unethical business practices (like ours.) I think some basis for Fine’s conclusions may be there in that some women in business act as unethically as some men do. (It’s not that societies “intend” anything, it’s just that the behavior becomes “functional” and gets perpetuated.)
Would you argue that The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine (which you praise above) is not procrustean?
Soda, I had to look up “procrustean” : : 1 of, relating to, or typical of Procrustes
2 marked by arbitrary often ruthless disregard of individual differences or special circumstances.
Not sure exactly what you’re asking. I found The Female Brain a helpful book, though her follow up book on The Male Brain gave more of the scientific foundation of her findings.
Not sure if this is going to be a double post or not, already sent it but don’t see it. Hank gave his definiton of procrustian above – he was arguing that Fine selected research that fit an argument she’d already settled on in writing Delusions of Gender. Having read Brizendine’s The Female Brain and skimmed The Male Brain, I think it’s clear that both of these authors wrote their books having already settled on a particular argument. I prefferred Fine’s book overall though. She uses in-text references, which make it much easier for us to examine the evidence her… Read more »
I think Fine has less of a burden, since she’s dealing with harder variables (like hormones, aspects of physiology, etc.) I’m a sociologist, and I hate admitting it, but the research behind much of advocacy social science is “iffyer.” Over the years, because of this, I’ve been drawn more and more toward biologically-based points of view. This needen’t push us toward an illiberal or unjust view of society, though. I absolutely believe in salary parity, and both sex’s access to any and all jobs.
I agree, hence why I mentioned it here. I also enjoyed Fine’s book because, rather than proclaiming anything with certainty, it actually points out that the science is inconclusive, and often completely misrepresented, and therefore it is other authors who DO proclaim their certainty in “inherent differences” that we should be wary of. It also seems clear to me that the general public WANT to be told that differences between men and women are inherent and unchangeable, then they can carry on with set gender roles without ever needing to question things – hence the popularity of books that are… Read more »
To clarify – my comment above is in reply to Soda, not Hank. We must have been typing at the same time 🙂
One of my favourite bits was the study on empathic skills, where the participants had to try and assess other people’s feelings based on facial expressions and so forth. Women scored much higher on these tests – i.e. demonstrated a much higher empathic ability – until the men were offered $1 for every answer they got right. Then the scores suddenly became very even.
Conclusion: Empathic skills are a human attribute which men are not culturally encouraged to use. It doesn’t mean we don’t have them.
For an argument on the other side read Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine, which I just recently finished and thoroughly enjoyed. The science behind gender differences in the brain seems to be far from conclusive and much can be explained by social factors.
I’d like to make a few points here. First, I appreciate a spirited discussion about issues of interest in understanding what it means to be a Good Man. Second, I don’t appreciate put downs or name calling, regardless of how much we agree with the author (Nathan). Third, whenever we talk about male/female differences there are bound to be strong feelings on both sides. I’m not an expert on brain science. My Ph.D. is in international health and I have been working to help men, and the women who love them, for more than 40 years. On the whole, Bill’s… Read more »
Love your excellent comment and observation. As a female, I’m impressed with your “wordy” brain.
Agreed, Jed, that this is the kind of topic on which people are bound to have strong opinions. One commenter whose contributions I have deleted was calling names and being insulting. Feel free to post facts and arguments counter to those that Bill has made here in his article, but keep it to the discussion, folks, not attacking individuals’ intelligence, credentials, or trustworthiness.
Interesting to the article is the difference in house design between boys and girls. Although I think grade 6 is pretty far along the way in cultural development. So it doesn’t seem surprising that such expressions would be resident by that age. I used to design kitchens and found that men tend to organize or decorate in linear lines, sort of on the perimeter of the existing space. Women however tend to be non-linear and organize a number of smaller grouping within the existing space.My interpretation would be that men create open spaces and women create closed spaces. What I… Read more »
Empathy means to feel with. I agree that my male buddies often understand what I’m enduring, but tend to stay away from empathy so as not to cloud the issue
I will often get empathy from a female, bit not understanding
And the reverse from the guys
“We find out that most men have the male type brain and most females have the female type brain, but not all of us. Turns out I have a female-type brain (may be why I’m so wordy, who knows.)” According to Baron-Cohen, I have a 75% male brain. I’m a trans woman. And besides my obsessive-level interests for certain things, my brain passes for female in that I’m wordy, incredibly wordy. Aspie-level wordy. I don’t care about interior design, even function can go out the window. I want efficiency for whatever I plan on doing. It being a nice texture,… Read more »
Slightly different take: No research creds are necessary to fulminate about role models, straitjacketing expectations, patriarchal oppression, et tedious cetera. Hate to find that field turned irrelevant.
Problem with neurological differences is that it takes away the oomph behind condemning one or another facet of our culture, obsolete patriarchal role models. Guilt-tripping doesn’t work on neural connections. ‘nother problem is that ordinary people have been, most of us, boys or girls, and they have their lying eyes to remember. And we know teachers. Got a relation who’s a long-time kindergarten-first teacher. Never fails that it’s tougher to manage girls getting along than boys. Any class with more than half girls is going to be a problem, as will their mothers. And the younger this stuff is manifest,… Read more »
I meant right brained. Damned right-brainedness. The differences between male and female are so striking and similar from culture to culture that it’s an elephant in the room type of obviousness. Like Cloke, I have a PhD, as a testemonial that right-brainedness can be overcome.
1. I find the issue of broad physiological differences pretty persuasive. I have no idea about the number of neurons in the corpus callosum, but Louann Brizendine M.D., explains many differences in her book, The Female Brain mainly in terms of hormonal differences, which can lead to differences in structure.
2. I personally test as distinctly left-brained, but am hormonally quite male.
I’ll just post some of what I learned. I don’t have my sources on me, so you don’t have to believe me. -The connection between the hemispheres of the brain is more complex than it’s often given credit for. By having a smaller corpus callosum (CC from here on), it reduces the bandwidth BETWEEN the hemispheres. Not the connection to only ONE hemisphere. Such effects of this are the fact that logic and emotion coexist, but don’t intertwine, and includes outward expression of inner feelings. BOTH sides are used, but they work more independently of each other. When raising young… Read more »
“(unless they had self esteem problems, and many of them did)”- So actually many of them defied the stereotype and yet you find a way of seeing that in terms of a defect ?
Well this thread is going to be interesting!
Check out “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine, MD… It also has interesting studies and observations on this topic…
From what (admittedly little) I’ve read about the science of the brain, “multitasking” does not really exist, at least not the way most people think. You can’t really do several things simultaneously with your conscious mind. The closest you can get is moving from one activity to the next very, very quickly. Another basic principle of brain science today: the structure of the brain is in part an EFFECT of one’s behavior, not just the cause of behavior. Your brain is influenced by the environment. It is not simply an independent biological engine that just acts out of pre-programmed DNA… Read more »
Yawn. You say many of the boys weren’t “always joking, running, figuring out puzzles, competing in sports and games while driving to succeed in the classroom”. How many? And why assume that non-stereotypical behaviour stems from low self-esteem rather than the other reverse?
Excellent point. A person who is willing to go against the accepted flow of things is typically a strong-minded or confident person.
What about gay men, so many of whom exhibit capabilities, values, interests, methods, thinking, behaviors, etc that generally associated with females? Are they also supercharged like women? Or are they able to compensate for their male brain’s lack of connections? And if the latter, then do these connections then have little to do with women’s thinking and behavior? Curious to understand how to reconcile these perceptions.
If we men don’t have much access to our right hemispheres, why aren’t they smaller, seeing as how they’re less used and presumably less useful?