On the 8th day of my writing challenge, I would stop writing whenever my phone pings me. It means I have a message on Grindr.
The man on the other end is a young man who happens to be a writer too. As we talked about writing, I asked him to tell me a story that I haven’t heard yet.
And he goes;
I am sure you would haven’t guessed that I do drag.
And he was right. I won’t have known if he hasn’t told me. The photos he sent me didn’t give me a clue— he is gym fit, and nothing would have made me think that he does drag.
As I was reading his other messages, it brought me back to a memory that I have long forgotten.
Twenty years ago, I dated a man in women’s clothes.
…
I was 32 when I came out.
Yes, there was a man in my 20s who I fell in love with. We were both very young, unsure of what we were feeling for each other. But after him, no one came until I met the man who, to this day, remains the man I love.
“Even that didn’t end well. A few months after he left, I started dating. ”
I was introduced to a man, a young American ex-pat living in the same city as I was.
He asked for a date, and I said,
Yes.
We enjoyed each other’s company from the afternoon coffee date, followed by dinner and a night together in his home.
“He was very generous when it came to sex. ”
Up until that night, I haven’t experienced any of the things we did together. It was all new, and he was gentle.
…
We said our goodbyes.
I knew this is the guy for me.
Everything I dreamed of —Someone I can talk to, someone who helps me discover what I want in bed, and also someone who loves coffee.
“The perfect guy. ”
Until he went to the bathroom, and I was putting my clothes on when I noticed the red shoes,
a woman’s red shoes.
It bothered me. When he came out, I jokingly said to him,
So, you swing both ways?
He said,
No, those are mine. He opens his closet, and there were women’s clothes.
Silence.
…
He walked me out until I can get a ride back home. I didn’t say a word, neither did he.
“We both knew it was goodbye. ”
…
20 years after
Now I wonder where is this American guy and what would have happened if I wasn’t too narrow-minded back then, but I have to be kind to my younger self.
Back then, I was confused and still navigating what I want from a man.
I just wished the guy has learned to forgive me for being such a “prick,” and the only thing I can do now is,
Ask the Universe to deliver to the man in red shoes my heartfelt apology, and may he had the best 20 years after he met me.
In the last ten years, I have changed.
My perspective about gay life has become not only accepting but more open.
…
As to the new guy who does drag, I don’t know what will happen to us, he asked for a date, and I said,
Yes.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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So Deep! Red truely is a powerful color, I suppose? I’m glad you opened your heart!