Even as the world’s health, economy, and the future remain uncertain, love happens.
If someone told me four months ago that a virus called COVID-19 would upend the scene of the world as it has, I wouldn’t have believed it. I would be pushed to the realm of further disbelief if I was told that I would begin and grow a serious relationship at a velocity that could rival that of COVID-19’s transmission rate.
And yet, here I am.
Perhaps it’s unseemly to compare my new budding romance to a global pandemic, but the similarities in terms of surprise and speed have been uncanny.
Just to add some basic context to the situation, I first met my boyfriend in-person back in September 2019 B.C. (Before Coronavirus). We did not immediately start dating as I was making plans to move to China (yes, we can all take a moment to laugh at the irony). Since that first meeting, there were a few interactions, meet-ups, and phone calls. I continually pushed him away, determined to stick to “the plan.” Obviously, that “plan” hit the fan in a way I could never have fathomed, and we began our relationship.
Initially, being the doubtful individual that I am, I suspected that my sudden lack of social interaction was the culprit of the swift progression of events. However, as I embarked on this unknown territory of FaceTime/Zoom call dominated dating, I’ve realized that as much as physical interaction is vital to getting to know an individual, there are distinct advantages to getting to know someone during a lockdown.
1.Distraction-Free Focus
The world has come to a screeching halt. With most Americans unemployed, businesses closed, and the streets of the busiest metropolitan areas deserted, we are, in more ways than one, forced to look internally.
Now add dating into the mix, and we’ve got ourselves a recipe for some heavy soul searching discussions and realizations.
With the amount of outside activity severely decreased, there is simply nothing else to do but to talk. I’m talking we-don’t-even-have-a-waiter-taking-our-order-when-we-meet level of no distraction.
It’s just me and him, one-on-one, all the time.
All the questions that you typically push off till after you’ve gone on a few dates and talked about your favorite this and that, work-life, your pet dog, etc. all naturally present themselves in conversation far more quickly than any other relationship that begins in “normal” circumstances.
Topics like; childhood traumas, failed dreams, religion, life goals, and the lessons learned when you’ve hit rock bottom have a hard time working themselves in conversation when you’ve got work deadlines, friends to meet, and new restaurants to try out. What’s more, the endless stream of distractions that bombard our life provides excellent excuses to table these kinds of discussions for later, or possibly never.
Those heavy subjects are not easy to cover even when you decide to talk about them. But when the world around you is almost quite literally silent, it’s exponentially easier to zero in and focus entirely on the words and feelings of the individual on your computer screen.
Through this mutual, unadulterated communication, you get the feeling that, perhaps, for the first time, you are truly being heard and understood in levels that could potentially take years in most cases.
2. Gettin’ Comfortable
I suppose this could be relative to each person’s style of dating, but for my boyfriend and me, showing the human side of life usually takes more time.
To elaborate, during one of our first meals together, my boyfriend and I had fried chicken and waffles (confession: my mouth just exploded with copious amounts of saliva at the thought of good food that I didn’t have to painstakingly cook myself). We got a side of bacon collard greens, and collard greens being collard greens — they naturally got stuck in his teeth. When I nonchalantly pointed this out to him, he immediately shot up from his seat to go to the bathroom to extricate the offensive vegetable.
I thought it was interesting that he reacted in this way, and it has provided some context to how he is usually and how much he’s gotten comfortable with me.
Clearly, this was a man that cared how he physically appeared in front of me. And I could relate to some degree because even when I wasn’t dating him, I wanted to make sure I looked good.
Now, fast forward to a virus outbreak and the indefinite closure of barbershops and nearly no need to step outside and meet the public — we are now conducting our dates exclusively in sweats (maybe activewear if we’re feeling fancy), out of control sideburns, and most definitely no makeup.
And you know what? We’ve never been happier.
Don’t get me wrong, once lockdown is over, I will be pouring over my closet that will inevitably have nothing good enough to wear, actually shave the rainforest that I call my legs, and put on some makeup before going out on dates.
But, the difference is that I will know that I’m going out on a date with a guy that thought I looked beautiful when I just woke up and picked up the FaceTime call at an angle that exposed my double chin. He will be the guy that saw me wear almost the same clothing for days at a time and emphatically claim that I look adorable.
And I, for one, am pretty certain that he’s not lying because I feel exactly the same way when I see his sideburns beginning to bury his ears.
So while I wish I could have provided a few more visual memories where I didn’t look like a bum, the level of assurance and trust that this guy sincerely likes me for who I am so early in the relationship is something I wouldn’t trade.
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Indeed, as thousands upon thousands are testing positive for the COVID-19 bug, I’m sitting here testing positive for the love bug (ba dum chhh).
But in all seriousness, even though my life has taken an unimaginable turn, and if given a choice, I wouldn’t have chosen to begin a relationship at this point in time, every day I am reminded of something —
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.
And once in a great while, it might be the sweetest, most refreshing lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: Pratik Gupta on Unsplash