Showtime thinks men need to stop lamenting, and start embracing The Friend Zone.
Originally appeared at The Single Fathers Blog
The FRIEND ZONE… you know what it is, fellas. You meet a woman and you start talking to her on the phone regularly. You hang out with her a few times. She might even give you the honor of letting you give her a kiss on the lips. But, that’s about as far as it goes. You try your hardest to take it to the next level, but nothing pops off. So what do you do? Or ladies, you meet a guy and you kinda like him, but he just wants things to go a little bit further than you want them to. What do you do?
From a man’s pont of view, the friend zone is usually perceived as the absolute worst place you want to be….OR IS IT? My position on the friend zone is a little different than most men. I think the friend zone allows you to get to know the woman better than you would if you were to just hop into a situation where you are dealing with her on an intimate level. Think about it, when you’re in a relationship the person that you are with should be like your best friend. There shouldn’t be anything that you can’t tell that person and nothing they should be able to share everything with you . So the best way to start a relationship that is truly worth anything is to start off as friends.
When a woman trusts you with her friendship you can get the information from her that should help you decide if she is even worth your time. A lot of times women tell you things without actually telling you. All you have to do is engage in conversation and listen. Not only that, even if you never get out of the friend zone with that particular woman, she is more then likely to give you insight and information that you can use in the future with other women.
A lot of men think that they have to kick some type of game in order to make sure that they stay out of the friend zone. But the fact of the matter is, the key to staying out of the friend zone is honesty. All you have to do is be honest with the woman. She will respect that a lot more then if you are pretending to be her friend just to get a taste of her cookies. If you are only trying to get the drawls, then just let her know and see if she is down with if. If she is with it, then you have just landed into a “friends with benefits” situation. The good thing about that is that if you really like her then the friends with benefits has the possibility of turning into a real deal relationship. Don’t be afraid of those types of situations either. Sometimes the friends with benefits can turn out to be the best ones for you. You’ve been friends for so long, and you just begin to know each other so well that it only makes sense that you take things to the next level and pursue a relationship with the person.
Now ladies, you have to know that the friend zone is an asset to you, BUT you have to use it wisely. You can’t just go puttin every dude you meet in the friend zone just because you are waiting on Idris Elba to pop into your life. You need to use the friend zone as a way to get a better understanding of men, and why we do what we do. Choose the men who you put into the friend zone very very wisely. If the man isn’t bringing some sort of value to your life, then you need to cut him of. At least be honest with him and let him know that this relationship is going no further then the occasional phone call, text messages while you’re bored at work, and a meal from Ruby Tuesdays on your off pay weeks.
If you have a dude that you know you only want to be friends with, you need to tell him so that there are no unrealistic expectations on his part. A dude will spend a lot of his time and money just because he thinks he has a shot at becoming more than friends. You don’t really want to do this to a guy who is a genuine good dude. Now if it’s somebody who you don’t really care about and you know he only wants sex, aye that’s all part of the game. You may want the same thing that he wants. Or then again you may not. Just don’t lead the guy on. Let him decide if he wants to be in that friend zone or not.
The friend zone definitely has its purpose, but I think the key to it is communication. If you feel like you’re in the zone and you don’t want to be, you have to let her know. It’s possible that she put you there subconsciously and didn’t know that you really had an interest. Ladies, if you want to put a man in the zone then you HAVE to let him know where he stands if he is making any type of moves on you. It’s only fair that when you see signs of the friend zone developing that you discuss it with the other party so that neither of you is wasting your time.
What do you say? Do you think that women and men feel the same way about the friend zone?
Photo of young man and young woman courtesy of Shutterstock
People generally relate being friend-zoned as a rejection in life. It’s like you got a reply from your crush that she loves you too but only as a friend, and that is what you would least expect.
Although most of the people get scared about the idea of being ‘just friends’ with the opposite sex but there are things which are really good about being in this zone. Your friend who is genuinely interested in being your friend is a cool person and not someone who is using your feelings as a means to exploit you. Read more : http://www.tips.omsaitech.co.in/good-things-about-being-friend-zoned/
Taking a relationship out of the friend zone is fraught with risks. While there’s nothing wrong with starting off briefly as friends and then progressing into lovers, I think this stage is better left short. All through this friendship we have to both start feeling romantic tension early on, unrequited desire, something that keeps the idea that we might later fool around in the backs of our minds. Long term friendships tend to take on the aura of a brother/sister relationship. You discover things about each other you’d never actually reveal to a dating prospect. Things you should NEVER actually… Read more »
Being “friend zoned” is yet another way in which woman can reject a man without actually rejecting him.
A lot of times woman reject a man by giving off signals that either go unnoticed or are interperated by men as a sign to continue wooing her until she’s responses positively. Woman need to VERBALLY communicate to men that they are not interest in a relationship. It”s wrong to pressure someone to accept your friendship when you know they want something more.
Good points above about trying to make clear communication. I think a little empathy goes a long way as well. If someone wants to be just friends, try to put yourself in his/her position for a moment. Imagine what it would be like to want someone as a friend but not a romantic partner.
(Besides, keep it just friends, find someone else, and maybe she’ll see what she’s missing….) : – )
I think that people friend zone themselves and stew over its negative implications by lamenting over what they can’t have out of a friendship. A consensual relationship must be reciprocal, and if a person can’t accept that romantic reciprocity is not desired with a particular person, they can feel free to pity themselves and say they got relegated to a pathetic little friendship position. At what point did being someone’s friend become a completely worthless place-holder? I think that is an issue of self-reflection that the seeker needs to apply to him or herself. Some people just won’t want to… Read more »
@Pallus beautifully put! In reading the article and responses to it, seems to me the ‘friend zone’ is a place people recognise, not a limbo where you don’t know where you are. It’s not different to a woman saying to another ‘he’s just not that into you’. Once we realise we are in that space where our desires for another are not reciprocated in kind, we take responsibility for ourselves and make a decision about how to proceed from there. As adults we are reading social cues all the time. Not everyone we are acquainted with is going to invite… Read more »
When men talk about women who led them on, then “friend-zoned” them, they often describe women who seem to have a common personality type: lively,affectionate, and seductive, but also needy, emotional, dramatic, attention-seeking, shallow, manipulative, and egocentric. You might want to Google “histrionic personality disorder.” I’m not saying all women who “friend zone” a guy have a personality disorder, obviously, but in general, the kind of “friend-zoning” women that men complain about often seem to be women with histrionic personality traits. So if this keeps happening to you, you might want to read up about it and learn to identify… Read more »
Good idea. I think that happened to me a few times, and mostly when I was younger and still in the “women can do no wrong” stage of my life. Being raised to believe women were more trustworthy, sweet, nice, caring, etc vs men gave me unrealistic expectations of what a woman was which probably left me a bit blind to seeing the type of woman you describe. “People start out quickly loving the histrionic person but eventually they find themselves feeling frustrated and resentful because they are always dealing with the other person’s drama and problems. There is no… Read more »
Indeed. The kind of women who friend-zone men a lot don’t really want friends at all. They want convenient male pets.
The type of person that Sarah is describing sounds extremely manipulative, unhealthy, and incredibly selfish. It is the exact kind of person who would string another person along with their social leash. They maintain a power dynamic by only doing the bare minimum to keep their social pets around for just a little while longer, while the pet begs for social table scraps. They feast upon the knowledge that they have something that someone else wants, and use that person’s desire as an agent of control. They gain power by filling the power vacuums, loneliness especially, in other people’s lives.… Read more »
oh dear! you do contradict yourself here. if you want respect as you say then take responsibility for your own desires and goals and don’t let other people manipulate you. i dont think this article was written in that spirit at all. i dont think the suggestion was ever that he was being manipulated, just that he wasn’t getting exactly what he wanted from some female interests but that he had decided the friendship was worth having. you clearly have not had that great experience of coming to terms with what is on offer and choosing to accept it as… Read more »
Wow, you could not have been more wrong about my identity and life experience. That, plus taking my words completely out of context, and ignoring that in every post I have advocated for respectful behavior regardless of sex. Oh well, more than two or three hits and returns on the internet tend to get fuzzy and misinterpreted anyway.
well at least half of that reply was addressed in a general way to the conversation and half was a response to the heavy and blame-full take you took. i was not seeking to interpret your life experience or personality but only the tone. you do not put a positive slant at all on the friend zone whereas the article does give it a balanced view. ie. sees the benefit in it. there is no suggestion there that evil is going on if you desire someone but discover you are friends, or have hit a boundary where you can’t move… Read more »
In my experience the friendzone thing tends to come up a lot when quiet/shy/socially awkward guys aren’t really able to communicate their interests. I’ve done it some extent. And a good friend of mine still believes (at 20 years old no less) that the best way to woo the woman of his dreams is to appear to her in the most asexual manner possible, follow her around like a lost puppy, and never let her know that he might want to get in her pants at some point. Maybe it’s problem with not knowing how to flirt, or being too… Read more »
the friend zone is the worst thing for men because they aren’t trying to make friends with women. Women aren’t good for friends, they’re good for sex, and if they’re not getting it, then what’s the point.
Men could make things so much easier if they stopped denying that they only find women useful for one thing and that thing is for their own benefit, no one elses. just admit that you see women as sexual appliances. trying to convince women that you think otherwise is just a waste of time.
@Honesty, I disagree, I dont know where you pull this out. I have lot of female friends, and theya re all nice and kind. And I admit, sometimes I have fantasized to bed them, and other time they have. I even had one of my female friend openly ask me to sleep with her during a party. But ‘The Blurpo’ and drunk women dont go hand in hand. I dislike drunk women (I dislike drunk people in general, but now we are talking about women) if a woman wants to be with me, she has to be sober, not drunk.… Read more »
Good on you for stating a balanced look at how men and women relate and for breaking down the stereotype that women don’t have desire. …and how nice to know there are men who are happy to express how much they enjoy their female friendships and would not want to ruin that.
“for breaking down the stereotype that women don’t have desire”
Honestly I dont know were this stereotype comes from, but honestly in my entire life, I never enconutered a woman without sexual desire or claims (beside my mother, and granmother….but I know they have).
Why aren’t they good for friendship? I have female friends I absolutely cherish the friendship with. Some I would like more with, but others I am happy being friends only. They can be just as honest, trustworthy, loving, caring, etc as my male friends.
Lmao. I fail to take this seriously. The key is not ‘honesty’ – this is never about dishonesty. That is straight up BS. And let’s be real straight here – even if it isn’t, the guy isn’t only one dealing with dishonesty. Almost every woman knows when a man wants something more. If she doesn’t make it clear that he isn’t going to get it, then she’s a bad person. That’s how human dating dynamics work – the man tries, the woman either accepts or declines. The friend-zone can’t happen when only one person fails to live up to their… Read more »
“Almost every woman knows when a man wants something more. If she doesn’t make it clear that he isn’t going to get it, then she’s a bad person”… well now that is just narrow minded, sexist rhetoric that serves no-one. it is the ‘old’ idea of women that they are responsible for men’s sexual desire. “can’t happen when only ONE person fails to live up to their responsibility” exactly!!. Men need to be hurtled into the 21st century and take responsibility for their own desire. If you desire someone and they havn’t expressed a desire for you, well that is… Read more »
That’s how this society works. Cut the crap. It isn’t an ‘old’ idea – go to any god damned bar in this fucking country and watch how dating actually works before you start running your mouth about how my rhetoric is ‘sexist’?
In my experience, the kind of woman who ‘loves’ male friendships doesn’t value the male in question at all. She just likes keeping pets.
Thankfully this website is predominantly frequented by people who have not been jaded blind by the current hegemonic social system and are willing to discuss ways of working around it, rather than perpetuating maladaptive behaviors in order to it to justify their own bitterness.
Soullite if you find night clubs to be immoral places don’t frequent them, there are certainly lots of love affairs going on in the rest of the world. if it’s not the immorality that bothers you but being played then how bout you learn to be a player yourself, because this game you speak of is well known and understood by those who play it. Men have been experts and being players for centuries and are very keen to share that knowledge with other men. google it and you will see for yourself.
so everyone agrees friendships are worthwhile, communication is important, but rejecting someone is not fun or easy to do. so lets not expect others to reject us. i know i don’t like it. and think of it – wouldn’t you look like a tool for saying ‘by the way i’m not into you that way, just thought i’d let you know in case’? huh? who does that? wouldn’t it be rude if they havn’t even suggested they are into you, fancy you whatever? it would seem arrogant to put yourself before them that way. that would be a sure way… Read more »
The worst part of friendzone is the leading on that goes on. The worst parts are when I see guy friends spending a lot of time with the girl and she hasn’t set down boundaries, is acting in ways that appear she desires a relationship and then once he’s invested quite a bit of emotion into the budding relationship he’s told she just sees him as a friend. To rub salt in the wound she may tell him he’s a “great guy”, “really nice n sweet” after weeks of saying she wants a nice n sweet guy. That guy will… Read more »
Yeah…good point about setting boundaries…almost like it’s incumbent upon everyone in a relationship (friendship, whatever) to be upfront and honest about their feelings. Like…regardless of which gender we’re talking about. Yeah the person who isn’t interested in a romance should say so, but the person who is interested in a romance needs to say something too. No one is capable of mind-reading.
Yup. Communication is key. Pity it’s so damn scary to communicate, but I guess what we all need is training to let someone down nicely which I’ve failed at this miserably and ending up hurting someone which I feel like a real asshole for, and also handle rejection without taking it personally which is something I use to battle this until I realized attraction isn’t universal. It wasn’t until I had to try tell someone I wasn’t into them knowing they really digged me that I realized you can be attractive to some, but not all, and that no one… Read more »
I do think it’s important to bear in mind though that a lot of guys do seem to have major issues picking up on when they’ve been “friend-zoned”. I’ve got a lot of female friends who think that they’ve made it perfectly clear to some of their male friends that it’s not going anywhere, but the male friend is still pursuing them nonetheless. Granted that then puts me in the awkward position of knowing that the woman isn’t interested in them (or me for that matter :p), but not being able to tell the male friend when he’s busy saying… Read more »
Personally I think that much of that is because women seem to be trained to communicate more with body language and more subtle hints, whereas men tend to be very direct. What happens is this misunderstanding of intentions, so whilst she feels she’s clearly signalling him she’s really signalling him in a way that mostly females understand but men…not so much. Being direct I think is better. I’ve heard from some guys where basically they were interacting in a way that he saw as romantic/close/intimate but she was just treating him as a friend, and the anger that comes from… Read more »
I can understand this girl, Archy. I’m very comfortable and open talking about the body and sex. I grew up being very sheltered when it came to those things. When I got past that, I went in the opposite direction, and I can see how it might be taken wrong. A guy might say something vaguely sexual and might expect me to be creeped out, but I’m not. He might see this as sexual interest. I also blurt things out like, “man, my boobs hurt today” or something. On the a more positive side of this, I have a lot… Read more »
I can be quite open depending on who it is. But I rely mostly on spoken word for sexual interest, if someone is interested then they need to tell me, I dislike the guessing game.
Archy, maybe it takes a little while to know what you think or feel about someone?
Sure does.
Is this piece really suggesting that a woman starting a friendship with a man should say, ‘You know, I’m never going to date you, so maybe we shouldn’t be friends….’? When I was younger I had lots of male friends, and I had no idea when they wanted more than friendship. I assumed that men didn’t want a relationship or sex with me unless they came out and said so. Years later one of them told me he and others were badly hurt by my callousness. I didn’t get it – I thought men wanted everything up front and hated… Read more »
It’s everybody’s responsibility to set the rules. It’s possible that you were acting in a manner which they thought they had a chance, were you overly touchy or suggestive that you liked them? There is probably signals being crossed, these guys were probably sensing you were into them but then were hurt when you just saw them as a friend. It’s quite confusing.
When I was younger (i.e. high school, college), I always seemed to have a number of male friends in my life who developed crushes on me that I didn’t reciprocate. I was warm and friendly to them, the same way I’m warm and friendly to female friends. I’d give them hugs occassionally just like a hug my female friends, i’d show excitement and interest in them just like I show excitement and interest in all my friends. Unfortunately, I learned that guys OFTEN take this the wrong way. It sounds like you are suggesting that women should not be terribly… Read more »
“I was warm and friendly to them, the same way I’m warm and friendly to female friends. I’d give them hugs occassionally just like a hug my female friends, i’d show excitement and interest in them just like I show excitement and interest in all my friends. Unfortunately, I learned that guys OFTEN take this the wrong way.” We do, but that’s largely because we can’t figure women out. I had a female friend, who did that. We talked a lot, we went out as “friends”. I gave her rides home at night. Many of my male friends were even… Read more »
“I was warm and friendly to them, the same way I’m warm and friendly to female friends. I’d give them hugs occassionally just like a hug my female friends, i’d show excitement and interest in them just like I show excitement and interest in all my friends. Unfortunately, I learned that guys OFTEN take this the wrong way.” So basically you didn’t tell them where they stood as friends vs lovers? Do you realize that many male friends do not hug n show affection the way women do so it can be seen as confusing to men who feel these… Read more »
actually what she said was not that she withdrew from men with whom she had been affectionate but “To be honest, I eventually learned to keep my distance somewhat from men if I can’t see any romantic possibilities, even if I like them “as a friend,”, because I don’t want to send any mixed singles.” that she learned to keep her distance from men with whom she did not see romantic possibilities. that doesn’t mean she was dating a guy and getting close and then just suddenly withdrew. i think it would help to some extent if guys were quite… Read more »
Ahh I see your point. Could be the men who weren’t hugged. I was talking about the guy-friends who were hugged, if she had stopped n started to withdraw from them without knowing then it could lead them to be even more mixed in their signals. If my friend hugged me, talked to me a lot and then withdrew I would be concerned. “if the woman you quote above was affectionate towards all her friends that would soon be evident to a person who was getting to know her” Sure. I think it depends on how she acts when alone… Read more »
yeh, i definitely took a different reading of it to you. i thought she was saying she generally treated her male friends with the same affection and enthusiasm as her female friends but then learned to keep her distance from males because they got the wrong idea. i didn’t notice her mention anything about being alone with said male friends, and i wasn’t taking her to mean anything intimate at all by her saying she hugged them the same as she would a female friend. i took her to mean a hug goodbye, or a hug when she runs into… Read more »
“i didn’t notice her mention anything about being alone with said male friends, and i wasn’t taking her to mean anything intimate at all by her saying she hugged them the same as she would a female friend. i took her to mean a hug goodbye, or a hug when she runs into you just after you’d been to see someone in hospital who was seriously hurt or ill and not in a good way. etc. that kind of thing.” Part of that is just the sheer lack of physical contact many boys and men grow up with. In my… Read more »
? eh? sheer lack of physical contact? not following you there i see men hug i see dads hug their sons i see grandparents hug their grandsons and i see sons grow up with mothers, sisters, aunties, nanas, and friends of the family who all give them affection i would like to see a real response from a large survey of males to see them say they grew up with a ‘sheer lack of physical contact’ i find that an unlikely account for why they took her the wrong way and expect it had a lot more to do with… Read more »
I had very little physical contact in my teens n adulthood, as did many of my friends. It might just be this area though. I’d say it’s part of the reason why, not the full reason. It confused me at first when I had people touch me.
I was talking about different times in my life, I.e. high school/early 20’s vs. the (hopefully) greater wisdom of middle age. I’m not talking about developing a friendship then suddenly withdrawing, although as I said, it can be awkward to remain close friends with someone who is pining for me romantically. I had a male roommate when I was in my mid-20’s who became a friend then admitted he had a crush on me. We stayed friends but I ended up moving out because it felt awkward. His girlfriend at the time was also living with us which made things… Read more »
Ah ok, disregard pretty much most of what I said then. I understand some of that akwardness when someone likes you more than friends, it sucks having to break their heart because you can’t reciprocate the feelings. Oh well, I guess that’s love n life!
Thank you. Someone to validate my theory on why I don’t have any friends who are women. They are keeping their distance because they don’t want to send mixed messages. Sounds like exactly the reason. Well I still have half of the human race I can befriend. I can live with that.
or pursuitace you can let women you want to be friends with see and understand that you are ok with that and appreciate it.
Because it’s everyone’s responsibility not to hurt other people.
When you were young, that’s one thing. But you’re not a kid anymore. If you know someone wants something more, then you let them know that they aren’t going to get it. Learning to deal with things like that is part of what growing up is all about.
or Soullite isn’t it also about growing up to be honest about what you want? Wouldn’t you say the older we get the more we take responsibility for ourselves and the less we expect others to read our minds, or to look out for our needs before their own?
Who pays your bills, puts food on your table, and provides you with what you desire? Someone else, or you?
I don’t really think there is a problem with the friend zone. The problem is with trying to categorize people or oneself. I think back to grade school. I was friends with girls. I knew and liked almost all my classmates. I got invited to parties by girls with no expectations and we’d all hang out. Sometimes something would form and you’d hook up with a girl. Sometimes she’d tell you no and it wouldn’t go any further. You still stayed friends. Why is it that when you reach a certain age you can’t just be friends? You go out… Read more »
The most-widely accepted definition of friend zone is the platonic relation between members of opposite sex where one partner seeks romance while other does not. Technically, it is a limbo state and there is nothing pleasurable about it. If men and women want to be friends then its okay to be friends, but when either of seeks romance and other just wants to be friends, it is better to move out of the relation. There is difference between being friends and being friend-zoned.
“There is difference between being friends and being friend-zoned.”
An important distinction. What if you want more, but the person you’re enamored with would be cool to have as a friend? You would still be “friend zoned”, but it would be the same as simply being friends in another sense. I can’t see sexual urges simply over riding every other consideration.
Friend is something you want to be and being friend zoned is something that is done to you. Its like desiring a full course dinner and getting only a hamburger with french fries.
Happening to not return romantic feelings is “doing something to” another person?
Not returning romantic feelings is ok but putting in reserve with the phrase “let’s just be friends” is really something done.
Rapses, if u want a full course dinner and are served a burger and chips i’d say go to another restaurant. ie. that is what is being said – nothing has been ‘done’ to anyone here. one person expresses what they want, the other said i’d rather such and such, so the first person can choose take it or leave it. nothing being done to another. all people have a choice.
Should I even bother pointing it out…………………heteronormative. Huzzah. /endsnark
In all seriousness: at what point does spamming “this is heteronormative” all over the place just become derailing?
I was annoyed and thus my post was in an annoyed tone…and admittedly not helpful to a conversation. However, I don’t actually spam that everywhere. I bring it up when I think it’s relevant…usually with more thoughtful analysis that accompanies it. In this case I think it’s actually quite relevant and important, because the entire concept of the “friend zone” relies on very strict and normative ideas about what men and women are, and about how men and women interact with each other. It is a highly gendered label for a relationship in which not everyone involved is on the… Read more »
Yet the author is clearly describing an experience that is common to a large group of men. Why does it matter if he did not manage to encompass everyone in his recommendations? His writing has meaning for many of us, and that meaning should not be discouraged simply because the piece was not aimed at a wider audience. It’s like when we have debates about the experience of women and then a (male) commenter comes along and says “But this happens to men too! You are wrong for not talking about men!” The commenter is then usually informed that focusing… Read more »
I agree Mike L. It IS derailing. Newsflash, the majority of people are heterosexual and thus most articles will cater to them. Homosexual people are more than welcome to write articles about their dating, etc. But seeing heteronormative on articles is simply a poor attempt to derail and shit all over the articles merits. Congrats on doing the “whataboutthegays” derail. 😛
If the author is straight, how is he to know about how gay people experience the friendzone? He’s talking about instances he can relate to. He doesn’t talk about polygamy either, how monogamous of him.
@HeatherN: My best girlfriend crushed on me in 7th grade (of course, I was totally clueless!)….anyway, I had to distance myself from her because she kept sending me notes saying: “Are you psychologically equipped??” ….to which I was not at the time [She wanted to come out to me and tell me that she was in love with me]….We grew apart and eventually she switched schools …. It’s 3 decades later and we’re still friends (not as close as I would like, but I understand if she needs to hold her private life apart)….I think now I am ready to… Read more »
If you remove the gendered adjectives and pronouns and replace them with gender neutral terms such as “they” and “their”, I think that Mr. Showtime explains a pretty basic but effective model of how to establish boundaries and differentiation between intimate partners, friends, and acquaintances. Regardless of a person’s biological sex or gender expression, boundaries need to be respected. I think that “the friend zone” only succeeds at trivializing the importance of platonic relationships. It implies relationship with a person of your romantically preferred demographic is only valuable if it involves sexual interaction. I think it would be equally disrespectful… Read more »
Here Here! I absolutely second that. Let us see the similarities of feelings experienced by women and men and stop imagining we are beings from different planets (as some popular pseudo psych books try to project).
We are humans and humans feel pain, fear, and desire.
We are not mind readers, neither male nor female.
We are all responsible for our own desires and how we go about finding fulfilment in life,
and we all have the potential to care about another person if we let those feelings grow.
I’m not sure that one person’s single dating advice piece really could be considered “heteronormative”. The truth is, “hetero” is “normal” to Showtime. He’s a straight man. When he writes about a particular issue about men, to men, it is by nature going to be heteronormative, and certainly there is nothing wrong with that. Just as if you wrote a piece about a particular thing that happens within the Lesbian dating world, it wouldn’t be quite right for Showtime to go in and say “Lesbian-centric!” The main goal is not to make every single person’s viewpoint non-heteronormative, but to make… Read more »
It’s TOTALLY heteronormative–like most all relationship advice found online. I’m there with you, Heather. And as someone who feels invaded by hegemony every minute of my life, sometimes it’s easier just to sigh and tell myself, “Ok, it’s def heteronormative, but the advice still CAN apply to me–it just takes a little translating on my end.” I think it’s extrememely important to point out heteronormativity beceause it’s important to see how simple things like “Relationship Advice” is usually hetero, doesn’t acknowledge the LGBT community, and illustrates our marginalization. On the flipside, I constantly have to ask myself, as Mike L.… Read more »
That actually explains the way I interact with women extremely well. I’m in the friend zone of several women, and i hear and understand them in ways their boyfriends (or girlfriends) never could. It’s refreshing knowing that that trust is there, and it’s healthy for both parties. I even had one of their boyfriends thank me for talking her through a rough time and helping her out when he couldn’t.