So, you had your heart broken? She has moved on to greener pastures and left you wallowing in a pool of self-pity, depression, and an overall melancholy feeling about life. Well, my friend, one thing I can tell you is that you are not alone. Everyone, at some point in their life, has dealt with what you’re going through right now. Whether that be the loss of a relationship, or the loss of a family member, or even the loss of your sweet dog, Sally. The underlying theme of all these experiences is the emotion that you are feeling, Grief. You are grieving the loss of someone that you cared about and that (you thought) cared about you as well. So here are a few tips to help you work through these emotions.
- Let yourself Grieve, you’re entitled to it
I know. Believe me, I know. I’ve been where you are, In fact, I’m still there. I miss her every god damned day, and it sucks, but I get through it. But before you can move on to a life where you can live happily, there is something you must do first.
The last thing you want to do, right? Not the reason your reading this post, right? You just want to feel better, right? Well, sorry bub, you will never feel better unless you allow yourself to feel and experience the entire stream of emotions that you feel in your body right now, and I mean ALL of them. Feel the grief, feel the anger, feel the resentment, feel the regret, feel it all!
It’s the first step and it’s vital, remind yourself of something as you feel these emotions;
They will not kill you
You are growing and learning from them
Keep that in the back of your mind the whole time. This experience will only make you stronger and wiser in the end.
- Once you’ve grieved, Don’t allow yourself to be the Victim
Stop me if you have heard me say any of these things before:
“I can’t go on without here”
“I can’t handle how much I miss her”
“I can’t fathom a life without her”
“I’ll never love anyone again.”
First off, let me start by saying, Yes you can, and yes you will. Most of us like to tell ourselves these things as a way to take a victim mentality and hope that if we hurt enough, and feel sorry for ourselves enough, then someone will feel bad for us and we may get back what we lost. But, you won’t, and I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you don’t want to either. Remember, she left you. So go out there and make her regret the fact that she let go of such an amazing guy.
- Accept that it’s over, Work on yourself
I’m not saying that there is no chance for a rekindling of your relationship, but face it, it ended for a reason. Whatever that reason Is, accept that the relationship is over, and that there are things that need to be worked on, but for you. If you do everything for them, and they don’t come back, then you are setting yourself up for more failure, and thus, more grief.
- Meditate…….No, really. Do it!
Okay, I realize I may have just lost a few of you by bringing up meditation, but I used to be like you. I used to say the same things you’re thinking right now:
“You mean, praying?”
“Sitting down and just breathing? That won’t work for me, homie.”
I know what you mean, and it’s even harder for me, because my Ex tried to get me into it and I pretty much laughed in her face, told her that wasn’t for me, and never tried it.
Then she dumped me, and I decided to give it a try and really commit to working it into my daily routine.
I know it seems dumb to you right now, because it did to me for a whil, before I committed to it. But I promise you it will change your life.
Meditation is not about just sitting down and breathing. It’s about training your mind to be clear and focused on just one thing, and getting acquainted with your body on a deeper spiritual level.
It’s hard at first, and your mind definitely will wander, and you will have to chase it around like a puppy. The key is to simply begin again whenever you feel your mind wander, connect with your breath (In-Out-in-out) and feel your body breathing. One thing that helped me immensely was incorporating mantras into my breathing that reaffirmed my love for myself (which I had lost following the breakup) and made my mind accept that I was awesome:
In- “I Love myself”
Out- “Regret” (releasing it from my body)
In- “I love myself”
Please understand that meditation is hard, and like anything worth learning, it takes a lot of practice. The more you do it, the more you will notice the positive changes it has on your life.
- Exercise; but not for anyone but yourself
This is another one that took me a while to really realize the importance of doing. When my Ex first left me, I thought:
“If I work out and get muscly, then she will see my sexiness and want a slice of this meat mountain.”
News Flash: My ex had already made the decision to leave, and the meat mountain was not even on her radar.
The truth is, you should work out, though. Working out increases your self-esteem and makes those endorphins work overtime to keep you happy. The key though is to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. If you want to feel better and look better, do it, but do it for you.
- Seek help, get therapy
No, this does not mean you are crazy. A lot of people in the world are carrying around extra emotional baggage, that we are completely unaware of. Therapy is the best way to work on yourself and ensure that the next relationship you get into will be for the right reasons, and with the right person.
Everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
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