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What does your body language say? Long before you say “hi” your body is speaking volumes, but what words are you using?
Once you understand a little about what your body is telling others, you’ll also learn to listen to all those subtle signs that someone’s interested in you.
From your personal to your professional life, reading body language and mastering your own could change your life. Imagine a new, confident you all by changing how you stand, gesture, and look at others. Imagine not having to guess if someone likes you. It’s possible and body language is the key.
Why Body Language Matters
Our communication is 80% body language and 20% verbal. Usually when you try to meet someone new, you rely mainly on verbal communication and in many cases, dressing up. After all, if you at least look good, stumbling over a few words might not seem as bad, right?
The biggest problem with relationships (and all life experiences) is often times, it’s your body language that’s throwing everything off. You might have practiced what to say to an attractive woman or man, but if your body language is screaming “insecure,” it’s not going to matter how confident you sound.
If you want to come across as confident, attractive, and friendly, you have to give all the right physical signals. Don’t worry. You won’t have to do anything extreme, like doing a rain dance in the middle of a bar or waiting for the person you’re interested in to have a cartoon moment of their heart popping out of their chest at you.
Show Who You Are or Who You Want to Be
Millions have watched the now-famous TED talk Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are by the social psychologist, Amy Cuddy. In her talk, she discusses how you change both your own body chemistry and how others perceive you just by changing your body language. It’s a rather powerful and motivating talk if you have an extra 20 minutes.
It’s a scary thought that everyone’s being judged, at least subconsciously, on how they’re standing, sitting, and even using their hands. If you want to be perceived a certain way, let your body language tell the story. Are you an introvert? Odds are, your body language says so and that attracts other introverts who are intimidated by extroverts.
On the other hand, if you want to be perceived a different way or want to feel more comfortable in what’s usually an awkward social situation, work on your body language. It doesn’t matter whether you’re 18 or 80, making a few changes could drastically change future social situations and even change how you perceive yourself. According to Cuddy, practicing certain positions for just two minutes a day starts the transformation.
Reading Body Language
Okay, so you now understand that your body is speaking far more than your mouth. When you’re nervous in a situation, this could be a good thing if your body’s saying you’re comfortable and confident. Now is the time to start learning a little more about what some common signals bodies are sending throughout the day. Some signals you may do without thinking include:
Mirroring – Someone scratches their nose and you do it too. It’s a simple act, but mirroring a few small actions of another person helps to build an initial rapport, but just make sure you don’t mimic everything. That’d just be weird for everyone.
Making eye contact – This signal could be a sign of respect, a challenge or attraction. Obviously, it depends on the situation.
Posture – If you’re an introvert, do you slouch often? Slouching signals sadness and lack of energy. Sitting or standing taller signals the exact opposite.
Power pose – This is what Cuddy talks about in her TED talk. Standing with feet wider apart and sometimes hands on the hips, allows you to take up more room. It’s a dominate pose that shows others you’re in charge.
Smiling – It’s not just a cliche. Smiling is a universal signal. It shows happiness and encourages others to smile too. If you’re flirting, a genuine smile with eye contact is a clear indicator of interest.
It’s just a short list, but it gives you an idea of what your everyday body language is saying to others and vice versa. Simply understanding what someone’s posture is saying allows you to feel more prepared for any social situation you encounter. This in turn, gives you the power to better choose your encounters.
Flirting Without a Single Word
Now for the moment you’ve been waiting for—how body language translates into flirting. Is someone trying to flirt with you or do they just have something in their eye? Should you approach them or not? Believe it or not, men and women send some of the same body language signals. Turns out men and women are both from Earth.
You know those times when you’re 100% certain someone’s completely in to you, but you can’t figure out why? You’ve recognized the signals and you’re responding in turn. A few flirty signals you might see or use yourself include:
Touching erogenous zones, especially the lips
Many quick glances or prolonged eye contact
Fidgeting (especially for shy people)
Showing the front of the body
“Accidental” touches
Arms at side (crossed arms or placing an object in front of them isn’t a good sign)
Standing taller
Fussing with hair or clothing
While some of these might not seem like flirting, they’re signs of interest. After all, when you see someone you’re attracted to, you want to look your best. This means you might get more fidgety as you try to casually make your hair and clothes look perfect.
Pay attention to micro-expressions too. Heavy lidded eyes during a casual glance signal sexual attraction, while a raised eyebrow might mean it’s a no go. When you want someone to like you, try a few of these likeable signals from Lifehack.
It’s All in the Body
Give your body and theirs a chance to talk before saying a word. Even outside of relationships, the fine art of body language has the potential to change your life. You could have the courage to finally approach the person of your dreams or interview for the job you’ve always wanted. The more often you practice positive body language, the more you’ll change in a positive way.
Go out, socialize and let your body help you become the person you want to be. It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about becoming the person you’ve always meant to be while attracting the right people and experiences to you.
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