Are you a couple who argues a lot? Maybe there are good reasons why the two of you can’t seem to see eye to eye, or maybe, a little more sex might relieve a whole lot of tension.
Let me say first, that constant arguing probably is linked to parts of your relationship that need addressing.
If there are real issues that need to be addressed in your relationship, get on it. If you are avoiding, being selfish, blind or denying real problems, do so at your own peril. Don’t think that sex is going to cover them over. Get whatever help you need and look at your own contribution.
However, sometimes, sex CAN do wonders for the couple whose relationship just needs a little more spice.
Here’s what I understand and know to be true. Life is energy. Emotions are energy in motion. Words are energy. Actions are energy. Thoughts are energy. Living, moving and breathing every day is energy. Laughter is energy. Anger is energy. Frustration is energy. Happiness is energy. Arguing is energy. And yes, sex too is energy.
Sexual energy lays at the heart of creation. From producing babies to producing intense pleasure. The creative force that is in motion when we are alive sexually, comes from the same creative centre that we draw upon to create anything. That is to say, sexual energy comes from your creative centre.
When a couple conceives a baby, they are creating life. And guess what, when you are sexing, you are being creative, baby or no baby. It’s the creative energy that is in play.
It’s the same energy type as the one you use when you create anything; a song, a business, food, life of any kind. When you create, you are sourcing creative energy.
This creative centre is a powerful source of energy. It gets hot. It gets tense. When you create sexual energy together, you also release tension. Energy has to go somewhere. It is always moving. And maybe, just maybe, in some cases, arguing too much could also be a case of misplaced energy exchange.
Avoid sex, ignore it, neglect it, consider it not important, and arguing may be the result. The problem is, when you argue, you don’t always feel like getting up close and personal with your beloved. It’s a two edged sword.
A word on masturbation here — a quick round of self-love might be convenient, but it doesn’t produce the same result. You might release some ‘feel good’ dopamine and oxytocin, but you’re not really relieving the tension that builds with your partner. If anything, you may just be making it worse. Is. It’s not just about chemical reactions.
Our emotional stability can also be affected by sex, and is part of the reason why some couples fight more when they aren’t having sex.
Social psychologist and research scientist at The Kinsey Institute Amanda Gesselman says, “For many couples — if not the majority — sex represents a significant means of intimate connection, in physical terms of course, but also in an emotional capacity.”
For some couples who argue, ‘makeup’ sex can be great, but why argue just so you can have great sex. For others, sex is the furthest thing from their mind after an argument.
So rather than release tension through an argument, why not release it in a much more fun way. More sex for some, may just be the best solution.
When you argue, what happens? Your blood pressure goes up. Your pulse rate quickens. Your muscles tense. Your mind races. You go into fight, flight or freeze mode.
When you have sex, what happens? Your blood pressure goes up. Your pulse rate quickens. Your muscles tense. There are many similarities. You don’t necessarily go into fight, flight or freeze mode, but you certainly release tension.
Sex is not just for baby-making. Sex can be for pleasure, intimacy, deepening the connection, AND and for releasing tension. Could it be that for some couples, more sex leads to less arguing and more harmonious existence?
Intimacy and closeness can be created in many ways, from walking the dog together, breakfast in bed, a good conversation, and yes, some good old fashion sex. When intimacy is being created and enjoyed, arguing is the last thing on your mind.
It’s an experiment that could be fun to try.
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Photo credit: Shutterstock