Joceleyn Wentland has discovered the joy of sex research and wants to share with her findings.
1. Sexual needs
Just because you are not in a ‘relationship’ does not mean you are dead. And solo sex just doesn’t cut it sometimes. As one of my participants said: “Casual sex is now more popular than it used. Even really good friends will have sex together to compensate each other’s lack of affection from elsewhere and sexual needs.” Ditto, friend. Ditto.
FWBs provide convenient access to sex while not in a relationship. Don’t feel like shuffling off to the local watering hole tonight to prowl for drunken sex? No need. You can make a sober phone call (yes, as in speaking with someone on a telephone) to your FWB and make plans that might involve dinner and an après dinner show.
Oh, you’re single again? Interesting. So is your former FWB. Is it rebound sex if it’s a former FWB? I don’t think so.
3. No strings attached!
As a good friend of mine once told me “Friends with Benefits are great because you get the benefits of sex without the bullshit of a relationship.” Yes, that’s a direct quote.
No fights. No boring family dinners. No lame Christmas parties.
Just great sex. And hopefully lots of it.
4. Repeat sex = better sex + experimentation
Tired of sloppy drunken sex at 3 in the morning? Worried that you’ll never get that person out of your house tomorrow after they pass out after lackluster sex and then they’ll try to move in with you the next day? Then how about having repeat sexual encounters with one person? Heck, who said you couldn’t bring in a third to your Friends with Benefits?!
As another participant said: “You can be yourself, experiment, they already know you so you don’t have to be overly embarrassed, and there’s no judgement.”
Some people feel safer having sex with a friend than a stranger. This is especially true for some women (all date rape statistics aside). Also since this is a friend, hopefully you are honestly disclosing previous STI histories with one another.
6. Sexual intimacy
Some people have difficulty being sexually intimate with someone they don’t know well. For FWB, since this person is a friend, it may be easier to be intimate with someone when you know you won’t be judged.
7. Ideal wingman/wingwoman
If you and your FWB are not romantically interested in each other (which is a basic ground rule for getting into a FWB in the first place) then there’s no reason to lose your shit when they meet someone else. Your FWB could be your best wingman/wingwoman ever!
8. No gifts!
How about not having to buy those requisite holiday or birthday gifts for your significant other? Hello $3 birthday shooter at the bar. $1 if you live in Indiana.
9. The ultimate answer to “Who pays?”
Who pays? You both do. You pay your half, your FWB pays theirs. No debates. No fights. No negotiations. It’s always separate cheques for FWB.
10. Knowing where you stand
Compared to many other casual sexual relationships, there is often the most discussion in a FWB. What are we doing? What are the boundaries? What am I allowed to post on your Facebook? Am I allowed to text you late at night? Do we tell our friends?