Do you know the answer to the headline? If not, don’t worry and just keep on reading. More than one hundred women answered my online questionnaire regarding the question. And of course, there isn’t any single answer as many women like different things. But there were definitely some common threads in their answers. In this post, I will go through these common threads. As well as give some practical suggestions to the men who are interested in paying attention to and acting on the information.
The importance of paying attention was actually by far the most common thing that the women brought up. The phrase in itself was mentioned in 30 % of the answers. And other words with similar meanings such as, emphatic, responsive, being tuned-in and to dare asking were also mentioned with a high frequency.
Besides paying attention, other things that many women considered highly important were: an interest in giving, being present, stamina, passion and self-confidence.
So how can you use this information if you’re a man? Let’s start with the paying attention part as this seems to be the most important.
Since all women are different and like different things, it is very important to pay attention to how your partner reacts to what you are doing. Learn how she likes it as you’re being attentive and humbly calibrate your actions based on her reactions. Focus on such things as the combination of where you touch her, how hard and with what rhythm, along with how she reacts. Pupils that enlarge, how she moans, breaths that change intensity, skin tone that changes and muscles that tense are all valuable indicators to how your partner feels.
Besides paying attention, one of the other important factors according to the survey was self-confidence. Self-confidence comes from a combination of being comfortable in a situation and having the right competence. By studying different resources and articles like this one you will get the competence. However, it is not enough to just read and register the knowledge. You must also internalize it. You do this by working with yourself mentally and by practicing what you have learned.
One way of then displaying your self-confidence is to lead the interaction. With creativity you introduce and surprise your partner with new things and feelings she may not be used to. To succeed with the combination of displaying confidence at the same time as you are paying attention is one of the most important aspects of being a great lover. If you do it good enough the first time, you will have many more chances to refine the experience.
The longer you then are together, the better. You will get to know both her body and soul, while at the same time she will become more comfortable with you. Enjoy the journey that this entails.
Communication is also important for finding out how your partner wants it. So don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes or doesn’t. However, I usually don’t recommend asking in the act itself. Instead, the best time for this is just after the sex act, during the afterglow.
Another thing many women mentioned in the survey was stamina. According to statistics a majority of all men only last around 6 minutes, while most women actually require at least 20 minutes of stimulation to reach the pinnacle. Thus if you belong to the men who only last around 6 minutes you should look into different ways of extending the pleasure. In my blog post on how to last longer in bed, you’ll find plenty of tips to experiment with.
Regarding the other common answers; an interest in giving, being present and passionate. Well since you have made it this far into this text, I’ll assume that you already have an interest in giving, so I will not have to dig deeper in that one. But being present and passionate are both highly important and two sides of the same coin. Passion is about enjoying the moment to the fullest. And letting it be heard and seen that you’re enjoying it.
As guys, we are used to blocking our emotions. You need to stop doing this in the bedroom. Instead, be open and let your emotions be heard and seen. If it feels great, then let your partner notice and hear this. Just like we guys love women who are passionate in bed. Women also love guys who are passionate.
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