The right person in a relationship is someone who is willing to love and accept the real, imperfect version of you, is not easily discouraged, is willing to work together to resolve issues, and strives to be a better person themselves. I initially thought that a person who I felt a strong connection with and could talk endlessly with was the right person. But I later realized that this was not enough to maintain a lasting relationship.
The right person should be willing to work together to understand and love each other through continuous learning and adjustments. Love is a matter of two people, and both parties need to work together.
So just who is “the right person”? Is it someone like you who can talk all night? The “right person” should be a person who knows how to love the real and complete you, and is willing to work with you to create a relationship that helps each partner feel at ease and grow.
Here are some signs:
1. Be willing to love each other’s real and imperfect appearance. Not just someone who looks like you
2. Will not give up easily, willing to work together
3. Strives to be a better person themselves, and therefore inspires you to think and act better
In my life, I have met a few men. There was one in particular who, when I met him for the first time, I could chat with him from daytime to midnight. I couldn’t grasp the time with him. When I left, I still had a lot to say. His response surprised me: there are people like me! Or even, we can know what each other is thinking without talking, just look at each other. He said with a smile: “Then we just don’t talk anymore.”
That feeling is really good, I feel understood, and I felt we had a “special connection” with each other. We seem to be two very similar people who have been living in parallel worlds, but we just met today. Therefore, I feel that I am not alone, and I feel that with the other party, I have the courage to face the challenges in the future; I hope that such dialogue and interaction can continue.
Over time, I met other men like this — each time I thought the man was the so-called “right people”, just like some articles on the internet said. They hit it off with me, and there was a chemical reaction when we met for the first time. We can understand each other, or can’t stop talking, as if we have a special connection, he is the other half I am looking for.
But none of the stories with these men had a happy ending.
Some of them suddenly cut off contact not long after the beginning, or their state is not suitable for continuing to develop; some quickly entered into a relationship, but because of other problems, getting along became worse and worse, and in the end, they still broke up.
I can’t figure it out, what was the feeling at the beginning? I worry, will I never meet someone who can understand me so well like this again?
Until I met my current partner, I didn’t feel excited when I met for the first time, and I didn’t have a long talk all night. Instead, it took half a year to get along before I decided to start a serious relationship. But being with him made me think differently about the so-called “right person”.
It turns out that the “right person” doesn’t need to be able to understand you perfectly from the beginning, to know what each other is thinking without talking, and to be able to talk all night long as if there is never enough to say.
Being able to understand and talk endlessly is because I and the other party have similar personalities or backgrounds in the beginning, so it is easier for us to match the frequency, continue each other’s ideas, and understand what the other party is saying, and then I thought: “My God! How can someone be so similar to me and understand me so well!” But after a long time, I will definitely start to discover the differences between each other.
It feels really good to be understood, and the beginning like this is very smooth, but for a relationship to last for a long time, two people need to be willing to work together:
1. Be willing to love each other’s real and imperfect appearance
Some people only want to love the part of you that is similar to him or the part that they can accept, and even some people love the feeling when they first get along, you he imagined.
But the person who can go on together is willing to love the real and imperfect you.
Of course, he will not fall in love with all of a person from the beginning, but he is willing to understand and accept your different appearances, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, and even those parts that you cannot accept.
He may not fully understand you from the beginning, but he is “willing” to understand and love you through continuous learning and adjustment.
2. Will not give up easily, willing to work together
After the period of passionate love, many times it is the beginning of testing the relationship. You will encounter many challenges, it may be the ups and downs of your own life, or it may be issues that you face together. Sometimes you will be tired and bored; sometimes you will doubt whether you can or should continue walking with the other party.
But the two people who can go for a long time will not give up easily.
Because there will definitely be problems, and they may continue to appear, love and business relationships need to be adjusted and learned, and sometimes even sacrifices and a price need to be paid.
Despite quarrels, cold wars, and hurting each other, you are unwilling to give up hope, because you believe that love means that as long as two people are willing to work together, they can find a way out and make the situation better.
For you, you know that love requires management and learning and that the process is not easy, but you are still willing to work together to learn to love each other and manage this relationship.
3. He strives to be a better person himself and therefore inspires you to think better
Some relationships prevent us from growing, it may be because we start to depend on each other, it may be because of the other party’s desire to control, or it may be because we are content with the status quo and get what we need.
But healthy relationships make us all better people.
Not just better health and a better job, but also a better understanding of ourselves, living out of ourselves and living with more value and meaning.
In order for each other to grow, we must also continue to grow, to become better and complete people, to be more capable of loving and understanding, and to help each other grow.
At the same time, seeing the other party work hard on yourself also inspires you to believe more and more that you can change and adjust, and inspires you to want to become a better person together.
If you are looking for your “right person” now, or you are in a relationship that doubts whether the other person is the “right person”. Don’t worry that you can’t get along with each other now, or that he can’t understand you, because these are not the necessary conditions of the relationship, but the common goal of the relationship.
And in fact, it is impossible for someone who is not you to fully understand you. Only we can fully understand ourselves, and it is our responsibility to let others understand us. How can we expect others to understand you “naturally”?
Someone once told me in the past:
There is no such thing as a right person, only two people who are willing to continue to work hard for the relationship.
These two people are willing to love each other’s true and imperfect appearance, are willing to not give up believing in this relationship when encountering difficulties, and want to work hard with each other to become better people.
So instead, ask yourself:
Are you willing and working hard to understand the other person’s true imperfection?
When the relationship encounters difficulties, are you still willing to believe and not give up working hard with him?
Are you striving to become a better person, empowering you to make the other person a better person too?
Emotion is a matter between two people. To establish a long-term relationship, both parties need to work together.
Now I believe that love is not destined, but that you meet someone who is willing to believe, work hard, and practice with you to love the other person’s true imperfection. And it takes time, operation, adjustment, and accumulation.
When you work hard for a period of time, you will find that you are more and more able to talk to each other and understand each other’s needs. And because you are willing and not giving up, you feel safe in the relationship because you know that the other person is willing to believe in the relationship and in you despite the trials that come your way.
Such a relationship will become a positive cycle. When both parties are willing to continue to work hard and grow, they will believe in this relationship more, and then encourage each other to continue to work hard and grow.
It’s great when there is such a relationship. You discover that love can be like this.
You find that the “right person” doesn’t need to be very similar to you, or have a chemical reaction as soon as you meet, but through continuous hard work and trust, create a relationship that makes each other feel at ease and grows.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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