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I am not the most hard-core feminist you will ever meet, but I am most certainly a feminist. And to me, it’s just trying to treat everyone with the same respect and understanding no matter your gender identity.
Which usually goes fine.
Till the dreaded B word was used.
“Bird”.
I guess it’s just part of the culture where I live, to have “bird” used as a bit of boy talk. Not that I know much about it, I only really know what I’ve picked up on (but that brings up another whole set of issues that would take another entire article to discuss).
The first term I ever heard it used directly about myself, was during an interaction between my boyfriend and an acquaintance of his. We had just been taking a nice walk in the park (yes, we can be a total stereotypical couple sometimes) and we bumped into some guy my boyfriend knew. They just started having a conversation, which first of all, I was never invited to join.
Then, the guy, with one dismissive move of his hand, not even giving me the decency of a glance, asks: “This your bird?” to my boyfriend.
Oh. I was just shocked. I could cope with being ignored. But ouch, it stung completely for that to be asked.
I did not know, how to respond.
My jaw had dropped. And I took a step forward not knowing what else to do. It’s probably a very good thing my boyfriend noticed how angry I was and pulled me back slightly and held my hand for the rest of the conversation. Otherwise, I can’t be sure that the guy would have left with all his limbs intact. Or his heart still beating… inside his chest.
And I know there will be lots of people thinking right now, “what’s the big deal? He only called you “bird”. Could be worse. Attention seeker.”
Well, young student. Yes. It could be worse. But it’s a big deal to me.
He did not even look at me. We made no eye contact in the whole of the conversation I was just awkwardly there to witness. He didn’t even move his eyes to wander in my general direction. It’s not that I need the attention, but had he just acknowledged me to be there, I wouldn’t have had such a problem. If you’re going to insult me, do me the courtesy of acknowledging I exist. Which can be done by looking at me. Also, I could have answered that question perfectly well. Had you given me the chance to respond to it too.
“Your”. First of all, the hit to the ego, hurts. But I can deal with that (…but only just, so don’t push it). “Your” in this case was used as a possessive pronoun. Which according to Oxford Dictionary (yes, I did actual research into that to make sure I had solid foundations for this particular argument), is a “pronoun indicating possession”. Which all means it was used to describe as owned, or belonging to. As if I was nothing more than a belonging. It’s dangerous because it disrespects me as a person. You would not have done that to my boyfriend. You would not have made the assumption he “belongs” to me. So why assume the other way?
“Bird”. Again, this ties into the possessive nature of the phrase. Like I am a pet. And need to be locked up and looked after. It’s diminishing. Makes me seem like I am unworthy of the respect I could be shown. But “bird”. It just sounds weak. Which I am not.
I am not “a bird”. If anything I am “the bird” but the point that stand is: I have a name. Use it. Not “bird”.
You might be thinking, “ok, so what do I do then? If you’re going to be over sensitive?”
Well. First of all, just a little respect. A “hi” at the beginning of a conversation. Call me by name, ask for it if you don’t know it. Just a couple of tiny things like that can change the entire tone of the conversation.
Be mindful of who’s around. What you say, and the way you say it, does have the power to affect other people. If you say use “bird” around guys who will be easily influenced, then guess what? They will start to use it too. You copy attitudes who you are around. But also, if there is a girl around, she might feel the same way I do. This incident was weeks ago. Months. And it still brings out strong feelings in me because of how angry the moment made me. It’s still getting to me. It might get to her. Because there are just days where people just need the cherry on the top, and break.
I am stronger than that, because I’m no “bird”. Treat me with same respect in which I will treat you.
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