After a six-year relationship my boyfriend is ghosting me and I am thankful because he has ended it for me without the endless discussion. Cut and dry and I’m in favor of that!
It has been an unsatisfying relationship since the beginning and my attempts at breaking up have not been successful. When I tried to rationally express my dissatisfaction it only caused defensiveness and nasty arguments.
We always ended up reconciling which worked for awhile but negative feelings kept returning. I even tried ghosting him but this only hurt his ego which caused angry retaliation. So, I prayed for a solution to the biggest dilemma in my life at the time and the problem has been taken care of for me. He stopped contacting me. Thank you, God!
I have no desire to find out why he’s ended contact. This may only generate accusations and negative thoughts that I don’t want to hold on to, or a return to the same ole same ole. I am grateful for the peace even though I know in order for him keep his ego intact he is portraying me in a bad light. I will let him win by being the breaker so I can be free.
So, what should you do if you are ghosted?
If you stay strong and not appear weak and needy you can regain your power by not contacting him. Start by employing the 30 days no contact rule and see how empowered this makes you feel. Make a promise to yourself not to reach out no matter how hard that is.
The problem with texting is that it is so easy to impulsively send a message. Don’t do it; after all, you have made a promise to yourself and you don’t break promises. Worse yet, what if you reach out, and he still doesn’t respond. How embarrassing. I didn’t think I would be dealing with such an immature issue at this stage in my life, but the universe rewards those that make the hard decisions.
If you make it through 30 days make it 31 days, then 35 days, then 40 (see where I’m going). Assume he’s back on Match.com and has moved on. After all, that’s a long time for a man to go without his penis being touched. Save yourself unnecessary heartaches and assume he’s progressed forward and without you.
Okay, so what if he finally contacts you?
That is up to you. You can read, delete, repeat. I highly recommend not blocking him, as you will never have the satisfaction of knowing he broke down first and always wonder what he said. If you don’t want to reconcile and want a smart Alec response I suggest you respond with something like, “you make my ex look like a prince” or, “I think I’m gay.” Only use these if you aren’t looking for a reconciliation. Take the high road and don’t bitch him out, that’s not cool. If you do want to get back together you can swallow your pride and try and “I’m sorry.” Yuck eww!
Is it okay to be the ghoster?
Heck yes. It sends a clear message without all the superfluous verbiage, and in my experience, men exhibit some shady actions that make ghosting seem harmless in comparison. Plus, I don’t think they really care, generally, their feelings don’t get hurt as easily as ours. We could take a page from their book and save ourselves much heartache. Sounds cynical I know but it’s a cruel world out there and that’s what love will do to you.
In conclusion, it’s only been two weeks of no contact and I know I will not contact him, but if he breaks down and contacts me first I honestly don’t know how I will respond. I vacillate between read, delete; and hell, yes I’ll see you!
This article originally appeared on Divorced Moms
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