I’ve written a lot on the gender debate. I’m not one to take sides because I believe the future is moving forward as one, as humans, on the planet earth; not this silly planetary divisive thing we have going on.
African/American/European? Men/women? Gay/straight?
Difference? Not to me. We are all human whichever way you look at it, and this is the idea that I want to put forth into the community.
Sexually, though, we are screwed up. If you read history, you will know that the classical Greeks and Romans were known for their sexual promiscuity and openness and there is something to admire in that. Sex was what it was; sex.
There were no sexual groups, or Political swings, or underbellies of society. Sex was something that happened between two people. Notice the language that I used there, ‘people’. I am under absolutely no illusions that it was a Utopian fantasy of sexuality. There were still the problems that exist today; rape, human trafficking, slavery and to a much higher degree. We have somewhat progressed since then.
But sexually? No. I feel we have somewhat regressed.
Sex seems to have progressed from a topic to be openly talked about and discussed to something that exists in the backwaters of society. Is that predominantly a UK thing? I’m not too sure. I do know that Americans, for example, are so much more forward than us Brits are.
Men do the chasing here, but when holidaying in the USA I’ve been openly asked if I wanted sex; it’s quite a difference. That being said though, there is so much misinformation about sexuality from the media and even friends, family, and colleagues that the negative effects can be absolutely staggering.
A friend once told me, as a young 20 something male, that to get sex from a woman I had to treat her badly. I looked up to that man, and because he was an authority on the subject in my eyes, it took for me at least a year to realize that this wasn’t the case. I learned that for me, sex is a beautiful connection between two people that want to express themselves further with each other.
It frightens me when I see such strong opposition to homosexuality. I do not believe this is a choice; but even if it was a choice then who am I to judge another for expressing themselves in a different way to me? I know what my choices are and someone being different to me does not frighten me in the slightest.
I’ve often heard people say that the fiercest opposition can be found in realms where people are frightened of themselves rather than the subject they choose to oppose. I agree with that in part, but I feel it’s more basic than that. People feel most comfortable in large groups of assimilation, and when something or someone comes along to challenge the status quo it is uncomfortable at best.
I watch and read lots and lots of strong women talking about their man’s connection with his sexuality and how important this is to him. When men go through long periods of impotence I know how depressing and deflating this can be for them. I understand that a man needs to connect to his sexuality, it is a strand of his emotional connection to himself, or it is for me anyway. To not be sexual is for me to not accept who I am.
I hear horror stories about men and women using sex as a bargaining chip with their partners. This is never healthy; sex must always be mutual and respectful. I, myself am often not in the mood. We are under tremendous financial pressure currently, and having an autistic Son that hates any change, my balls have retracted so far into my body I worry that I’ll never find them again.
I can see teenagers engaging in a sexual relationship before they are capable of understanding the consequences; I see men just looking for a quick lay, and women believing that sex is the way to capture a guy’s heart. It’s not.
A man can have sex and not feel any attachment afterward but as far as I understand it, the experience is entirely different for most women. As much as I champion the idea that we are all the same essentially, there IS this predominant difference. I agree with myself (crazy moment) that this is one of the reasons why I have met so many women on my travels that have had bad experiences with men. The growth happens, I guess, in how they handle that understanding in the future.
I’ll admit that I’ve never been able to have sex and not have feelings for the person afterward. Is this just me? I’d love to hear from other men that feel the same?
I had a father that used sex as an addiction, and a mother who was sexually promiscuous. I had no chance, my ideas of sex from the beginning were warped. Luckily though, I met an amazing woman that taught me the benefits of amazing love and sex, and through that, I healed nicely.
I do realize that perhaps my view is somewhat clouded by the bubble that I’ve only recently, within the last 7 years, climbed out of. I do believe though, that sex should be more openly talked about and loved, rather than kept to the backwaters of the internet. It’s a discussion I’d really like to have. I’d enjoy hearing from women, men, everyone on the issue!
Thanks for listening.
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