When I was younger, perhaps in my early twenties, my friends and I treated women and dating like a science. You need to do this to get that result and so on. They were often ploughing me with ridiculous ideas such as, “You have to treat them mean to keep them keen”
And for some of them, ideas like this worked, for a while. Until their partner grew up, matured, and realized that they no longer wanted to be treated like trash anymore. See my friends were, deep down, nice people at heart. But they weren’t really letting themselves go. With partnerships you really need to do that.
A lot of men give themselves a bad reputation by doing this. They don’t let their women partners close; they keep them at arm’s length. It’s a stifling fear of their true selves being found out and the love of their lives losing interest. But what none of them understand is that relationships are a humungous risk take. It may work out, it may not. But isn’t half the fun finding out if you’re both compatible? When did we become a society fixated on definite answers?
It’s not a science this dating malarkey, it’s more of an art mixed with a bit of science. But you need not worry about the science because your body automatically works with that. My friends thought, at least in their younger years, that you had to act a certain way around women. That to gain the affection of women is a system to be gamed. Hell, young men STILL think that today. And it’s such a primary thought in society that people are making big money off that very idea.
But here’s the clincher – it can’t be gamed. It never will be.
And it’s what those dating experts with their catchy one liner methods guaranteed to have you sleeping with the woman of your dreams fail to point out. What about when she wants to know more about you? What about when those cheesy one liners and methods and techniques you’ve learned from the guru’s work no more? I’ll tell you.
Up shit creek without a paddle that’s where.
I had quite a lot of girl mates back in my early twenties. It was complicated. Mostly I just wanted to have sex with them, and all they wanted to do was be friends. They were forever giving me advice about other women. If I had truly realized what I had back then I would have seen that I had stumbled across a goldmine. I had open friends of the opposite gender that were willing to share with me the thoughts and feelings of other women.
But you know, I was a young man in those days, and I knew best, obviously. (Please note the hinted sarcasm there.)
“Just be yourself, Raymond”
That saying was lost on me as a youth, I didn’t really understand what “being myself” meant. As I understood it then I WAS being myself, after all, everything I currently did was being myself. I couldn’t act like anyone else? Could I?
It dawned on me in my older years what they were meaning was to be open and honest with women. That’s all they want. Openness and honesty. Nothing more and nothing less. See, all that we hear about women, as men, all the silly suggestions that our friends give us that never really work out, they all have a pin-pricks amount of truth behind them.
Women don’t REALLY want to be treated mean, but what they DO want is a man that knows his own mind and has a good decision making head on. Most women I know absolutely hate to make all the decisions in the household. And if she has to she won’t stick around for long. Don’t be a pushover, your partner in life wants to be held and feel protected, part of that entire idea is sharing the decisions.
A good idea of what women would be looking for is a man that’s strong and confident, yet cuddles animals and breaks down in tears at the end of ‘atonement’ or something similar. It’s the whole brick hard but soft and squidgy to the right people sentiment.
Have you ever heard women saying that behind closed doors Simon Cowell, or Gordon Ramsay are actually really nice people with hearts of gold? Even though they don’t know for sure? That’s because it is a fantasy that they’ve bought into. It’s what they envisage good men to be like.
So that’s what you have to aim for. Be yourself, and by that, I mean be open and honest with your partner and don’t be afraid to show your softer side.
Some men go about this the wrong way and think they have to be 100% macho, but remember, as well as sizing you up to be her protector she’s also wondering how nurturing you’ll be, so she’ll be keeping a watchful eye on your gentler side too.
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