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On Wednesday, December 5, another woman accused Neil deGrasse Tyson, the famed astrophysicist, of sexual misconduct. As I write this piece, that brings the total to four.
The latest accuser, who is remaining anonymous for now, says Tyson drunkenly approached her at a holiday party in 2010, tried joking with her sexually, and invited her to his private office for alone time. Tyson was married (and still is), and the woman was at the party with her boyfriend.
The other three accusers include an ex-girlfriend, Tchiya Amet, who says Tyson drugged and raped her in the 1980s; a former personal assistant, Ashley Watson, who says Tyson made sexual advances on her in his apartment in 2018; and a scientist, Katelyn Allers, who says Tyson touched her inappropriately at a social gathering in 2009.
As more women speak up, I hope men are also talking. I hope we’re discussing these accusations with our partners, our kids and each other.
One lesson we can learn from this is how to properly apologize and hold yourself accountable, because it seems men still haven’t mastered this concept. Tyson, for his part, issued a half-assed statement, which I assume he wrote with the help of at least one legal adviser. It was carefully worded, in that he made sure to include lines like “I’m deeply sorry to have made her feel that way,” referring to Allers, while still pinning some blame on her: “Had I been told of her discomfort in the moment, I would have offered this same apology.” It’s a passive way of saying, “If I upset her, she should have said something at the time.”
Tyson had similar words about Watson: “I assured her that had I known she was uncomfortable, I would have apologized on the spot [and] ended the evening.” Again, he’s suggesting the accuser should have said something as the assault happened—when caught off guard, she should have immediately summoned the wherewithal and courage to stand up to a world-famous astrophysicist who could ruin her career and possibly physically overtake her and somehow reject his advances. Tyson never says that he shouldn’t have put this woman in an uncomfortable situation to begin with; rather, it was on her to say she was uncomfortable.
A second lesson we can learn here is what constitutes sexual misconduct. The accusations against Tyson represent a wide range of actions over the course of decades, and that gives us an opportunity to increase awareness and education.
If all four stories are true, Tyson is unquestionably a monster, and it would surprise no one to see a fifth, sixth or hundredth accuser step forward. If even one story is true, Tyson deserves whatever repercussions come his way. In short, all four accusations Tyson is currently facing describe despicable behavior.
But I think we should discuss this further. Drugging and raping someone is repugnant and unforgivable, and Amet says she has suffered from PTSD for decades. But if rape is on one end of the sexual misconduct spectrum, let’s explore where we might place the other three alleged actions.
I’d say on the other end of the spectrum is Allers’ groping accusation. It’s a story that, unfortunately, sounds familiar to every woman. Allers was showing Tyson her tattoo of the solar system, which is on her arm, and Tyson lifted the sleeve of her dress to peek at her shoulder, presumably looking for Pluto. She was uncomfortable, and the incident ended there.
Between these two incidents are the experiences of Watson and the latest accuser. Watson says that, when she went to Tyson’s apartment for wine and cheese, Tyson removed his shirt, played sexually charged music and talked about needing a “physical release.” The whole thing ended with Tyson uncomfortably touching Watson and Watson quitting her job. The fourth accuser’s story goes somewhere between Tyson’s and Allers’. It’s another case of Tyson drunkenly hitting on a stranger in public, like he did to Allers, but this time with more explicit language, like the kind he used on Tyson.
If Amet can prove that Tyson raped her, then Tyson should, of course, serve jail time. If Watson, who was a much younger co-worker and subordinate of Tyson at the time, can prove Tyson was as creepy as she says, he should most certainly lose his job and—if there’s any justice in the world—his marriage. If the other two accusers can prove their stories, I’m not sure what should happen, and it’s not for me to determine. I’d think a face-to-face apology to each woman and a large donation to a #MeToo-related cause would be a good start.
Whatever the consequences should be, and wherever Tyson’s alleged actions fall on my hypothetical spectrum, there’s one truth I hope all men, women and children take from these four distinct stories: None of this behavior is acceptable. Some of Tyson’s alleged actions are arguably more horrendous, more ultimately damaging and more indefensible than others, but all of these actions are wrong.
Please, men, let’s talk about this. Let’s talk about which of those four accusations remind us of days or nights in our own lives. Maybe we’ve never drugged and raped anyone. Maybe we’ve never cornered a co-worker in our apartment. But let’s talk about how many times we’ve said or done something inappropriate to a woman at a bar or a party. Whether it was 20 years ago or two nights ago, let’s talk about how we justified it at the time by saying it was innocent flirting instead of recognizing it as rude, inappropriate and degrading behavior.
Let’s talk about what we can do differently. We can speak to women respectfully. We can make jokes without being inappropriate. We can identify situations that might make women uncomfortable and then make sure to never put women in those situations. In short, we can treat women like equals.
Men, let’s talk. And let’s listen.
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