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It’s happened again. Sharilyn, my delightful, charismatic, and sociable three-year-old daughter, has been being her delightful, charismatic, and sociable self in the presence of a male person, and a friendly adult says something like, “Ooh, she’s a real flirt” or “Look at her flirting” or something to that effect.
I don’t think it’s just me, and I don’t think it’s just Sharilyn. This must be a thing that people say when they encounter a delightful, charismatic, and sociable little girl interacting with a male. She’s flirting. She’s a flirt.
No, she’s not. She’s a little girl being friendly. I am also blessed to be the father of Sharilyn’s delightful, charismatic, and sociable older brother, but no one has ever characterized his social behavior as part of a sexual game of deceit-based seduction. He’s just friendly, outgoing, and confident. But she is a flirt.
Of course, our friends don’t mean anything negative by it. They mean it as a compliment. They mean that Sharilyn is pretty, self-aware, precocious, and extroverted – all positive qualities. The remark is intended to be funny because of the way it juxtaposes childhood innocence with the sexual gamesmanship of adulthood. I don’t mean to throw any shade at the motivations of the lovely people who are trying to say nice things about my daughter.
At the same time, it is a little depressing to me to think that Sharilyn is growing up in a world where, even before she has any idea what sex is, her social behavior is already perceived as sexual, or, perhaps, proto-sexual. Can’t she simply be delightful, charismatic, and sociable for her own sake, like her big brother? Will her behavior always have to be interpreted as a form of guile? Will her every interaction with someone of the opposite sex always be defined according to a misogynistic stereotype of scheming women who act with ulterior motives?
I really hope not. Overall, I am optimistic that women of my daughter’s generation are growing up in a culture where they are empowered to assert themselves on their own terms. Sharilyn’s favorite song is Katy Perry’s “Roar,” and, when my daughter is in her dragon-persona, any boy who tries to flirt with her better be wearing an asbestos outer layer.
Let Sharilyn be free to be a dragon, without “draggin” her into your depressing adult landscape of sexist preconceptions. If you’re ever tempted to refer to the behavior of a three-year-old girl as “flirting,” please just don’t.
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Photo provided by the author.