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Not that long ago Asians were thought of as almost demonic, with World War Two propaganda portraying them as almost subhuman. We locked them up in forced camps right here in the United States, and even though we were at war with the Japanese, we tended to paint all Asians with the same brush. During the ‘40s and ‘50s, the mere concept of a white man and an Asian woman was that of forbidden love, and that was seen in popular movies of the time like South Pacific. Since the end of the Vietnam war, white men have increasingly said “to hell with it” and went into relationships with Asian women, but we have met with mixed results when it comes to acceptance.
That racism doesn’t always come from overtly prejudiced groups like the Klan, neo-Nazis bent on racial purity, or uptight Bible-thumpers. Most of the time we get the evil eye from people who are otherwise accepting and liberal refuse to accept the fact that I may just be in love with an Asian woman. Instead, they characterize it as “yellow fever” and accuse people like me of having some sort of fetish, think that we’re looking for an easy way out, that we’ve taken mail-order brides, or that it’s just “because we couldn’t get a white woman.” Or worse, they assume the Asian woman is a victim and is being taken advantage of. Yes, I love an Asian woman. Get over it. It doesn’t mean I have a fetish.
White women in the ultra-liberal California city of San Francisco who pride themselves on tolerance gave my wife and I the evil eye because we are a mixed-race couple. Although they may not say it out loud, their looks say, “… but … but … you should be with a white woman! Those Asian ladies are taking all the men!” Or, “You’re such a bad man for taking advantage of that poor little Asian woman!” They assume a level of inequality in our relationship that doesn’t exist, and despite their outward appearance of tolerance and liberality, they fail to acknowledge that there is a possibility that we are equal partners. They assume that the Asian woman is incapable of making her own decisions and is in need of their smug, self-serving protection, and that’s the worst kind of racism there is.
There is an inherent assumption that if a white man is with an Asian woman, it automatically means that he is taking advantage of her and she is unable of making intelligent decisions on her own. Or contrarily, it means that she is taking advantage of him for a green card. I’ve gotten the raised eyebrow from men who have never left the Rust Belt when I tell them I used to live in Bangkok, a city they believe to be one big whorehouse filled with Thai women who were born to serve. When people see a white man walking arm in arm with a Thai woman, there is all too often an incredibly offensive assumption that they met in a go-go bar and that she was a prostitute. Yes, like every big city in the world, Bangkok does have a red light district, but for the most part Thai culture is conservative and very spiritual. And believe me, there’s nothing subservient about my Thai wife!
There was a sense that I had sinned by leaving a “good Christian woman” and taking up with a heathen.
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We’ve been on the receiving end of intellectual snobbery, by highly educated people who think that graduates of American universities have cornered the market on knowledge, and treat my wife – who has a Masters degree in environmental studies and is a very successful journalist and writer – like a poor uneducated immigrant who needs to be taught even the simplest of concepts.
We’ve seen anti-immigrant ignorance and resentment, and people who have somehow come to believe that all Asian immigrants get a check from the government when they cross the border to use to open a small business. I have encountered people who see all the little corner grocery stores, neighborhood restaurants, nail salons and donut shops owned by Cambodians, Laotians, and Thai, and just can’t believe that they did it based on their own hard work and family values, but instead attributed their success to some secret government program that doles out start-up money to immigrants which gives them an unfair advantage against Americans.
There is also ignorance on the part of otherwise liberal folk who see themselves as Great White Saviors. One of my old friends insists that every woman who works in an Asian restaurant is actually a victim of human trafficking and that children are pressed into service against their will. And while yes, there is human trafficking and it is a serious problem, stereotypes and ignorance of Asian cultures get in the way of actually addressing it properly.
Somewhere in the anti-human trafficking movement, there is a document of things that are supposed to be key indicators of human trafficking, and unfortunately, some of those indicators are false and borne out of ignorance of the culture. One thing my well-meaning friend insisted on was that all those Asian women who work in restaurants and who have American names on their nametags do so because their identities have been taken from them so that they can be trafficked. In fact, having an American name – especially if you are Asian and work with the public – is quite common, and done so simply because Americans usually can’t pronounce their native names. That’s why Thai women who work in restaurants, whose names have eight syllables and are completely unpronounceable to Americans, usually call themselves something like “Jane.” It’s just easier. It’s the same reason my grandfather, Wladyslaw, started calling himself “Walt” after he came to America from Poland.
In the lily-white fundamentalist church where I was brought up, there were no Asians. As a courtesy to my parents, my wife and I did attend a couple of times, and there was an uncomfortable unspoken tension about the racial mixing, and an overwhelming sense that they needed to immediately show her the “right” path and put aside everything about her own culture and upbringing and embrace their particular brand of Christianity.
There was a sense that I had sinned by leaving a “good Christian woman” and taking up with a heathen. They didn’t know what to think. She has dark skin. She speaks with an accent. She comes from a Buddhist country and celebrates a religion they don’t understand and don’t want to. She asks questions that in our church, we didn’t dare ask. “If you believe in an afterlife, why not believe in a before-life?” A reasonable question, especially from a Buddhist who believes in reincarnation.
A big misconception often raised in discussions on racism is that racism against Asians doesn’t exist in the United States, and that they are a privileged minority. But while it may take on a subtler form, that racism does exist, and is especially dangerous since it often comes from those who would otherwise think of themselves as tolerant and accepting.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
I’m married to an Asian girl, we’ve been married almost 10 years and have 2 children. I’m so fucking sick of the double standard that it’s “yellow fever” if a guy prefers a certain physical type that happens to be Asian. But it’s perfectly fine for white girls to prefer black guys, or tall guys or rich guys or whatever.
Yeah I prefer Asian women. Get over it.
How hot is your girl? B/c as I man I can tell you anytime I see a hot girl, I give her man a good looking over to determine if he’s worthy or if she’s just using him for something. Doesn’t matter where she comes from or what race she is. If you’re rolling with a hot girl and you’re not an alpha dog, then people are going to make assumptions about what’s going on there. That goes double if there’s a large age gap between the two of you. That being said, I think many of the comments here… Read more »
A lot of white supremacists seem to have a weird Asian fetish (Vice News) https://news.vice.com/story/a-lot-of-white-supremacists-seem-to-have-an-asian-fetish
I think the problem is that some Asian women are racial supremacists, AKA Amy Chua. But they extend their racial supremacy to one gender only, so they are effectively WMAF supremacists.. That would make them a natural pairing with white supremacists and the alt right, who are overwhelmingly men that believe in racial supremacy but put down white women in favor of asian women. So it seem racial supremacists are primarily a white men and asian women phenomenon. Not that there isn’t asian men and white women who are racial supremacists- we see some supremacist asian guys posting here, and… Read more »
White men are resentful and bitter towards women they consider their equal (i.e. white women), hence they go for a race that they perceive as weaker, more naive and inferior – Asians It gives them a sense of control, dominance and a perverse sense of ‘masculinity’. This is why so many paedophiles love Asian women – since paedophilia is also a crime of power, rather than pure (sexual) pleasure. Also, that’s why here in the UK, we’ve had AT LEAST 6 (most likely double or triple this number, since only 1 of these was reported in mainstream news) Asian women… Read more »
Typically, white males who specifically go after East Asian women do so because they are resentful or intimidated by white women. In Western countries, white women are seen as the standard of beauty in TV, movies and other forms of mass media. Because of this, attractive white women don’t have to settle for any mediocre white guy that gives them attention as they aren’t conditioned by society to hate themselves because of their race or the colour of their skin. On the other hand, all non-white women are conditioned to see themselves as different from the mainstream. Asian women especially… Read more »
Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/hapas/
WMAF is toxic just look at the amount of fatherless half white children in asia specifically philippines. Asian women are always fetishized, seen as submissive, etc by white men or as last resort because they failed with white women. I am half asian-white so i know this bullshit.
The whole negative stereotypes of wmaf relationships hold a bit of truth. Anyone who has travelled to East Asia or South Asia knows of the fascination that Asians have with European features. Their celebrities have western features through surgery or race mixing. Thus, their society encourages the notion that Eurasian is better than Asian, even if it’s not necessarily true. Many Asian women have white fever because they want white or mixed children. An ugly white man or one with low social value can go to Asia and get a girlfriend because in Asia, being white means status. That’s the… Read more »
You need to realize that many people view wmaf in a negative light because a high percentage of wmaf relationships are based on racism. Not always but in many cases (more than half). Racism from an Asian woman who hates her own race and features, and racism from a bitter white man whom women of other races reject. You can always tell if it’s this type of relationship if both races insult or have negative feelings towards the opposite sex of their own race. If your relationship isn’t like this, then good for you. Another issue that occurs with the… Read more »
Curious to see this article renewed in 2017. What is the purpose of reposting the same article you wrote many years ago? Is this some sort of propaganda piece that must be seen through all ages?
I asked my nephew once what he thinks of white guys with asian women, and he said that he felt sorry for them since they could not get a hot white woman. I laughed, but then saw a pattern….nerdy loser controlling white guy with asian woman. BINGO. Then I see them in airports with their now DOMINATE wives telling them what to do in silly and pathetic English while he looks at all the stares, and the kids..on no…the kids they have will turn out with mental problems because of the mixed pains of not being part of the cool… Read more »
Sorry but most likely it’s worth fold
1). You have yellow fever plus
2) Asian women are full on sluts that will do anything to be with a white guy. Plus typically they have no morals and will sleep with any married white man. Seen it a hundreds of times.
It’s not a racist thing is the fact that you are in denial and don’t realize you have been duped by your not so innocent wife.
First of all, no, I have not been duped, please do not insult my wife on this forum in this way. My Asian wife has multiple advanced degrees, is my intellectual equal and is well known in her field. She had nothing to gain by being with me, as she was raised in an academic, upper middle class household. Your characterization of Asian women is absolutely wrong, the Asian women I have encountered both in Asia and here in the US tend to have high moral standards. If you’ve “seen it a hundred times,” you’re just looking in the wrong… Read more »
Thank you. My wife is also Asian but only by happenstance. She’s my Partner in life and Love, not my subordinate nor my controller.
Hey, here’s a wild concept, we actually Love each otherand choose to be with each other because we enjoy each other’s company.
Maybe the rest of Humanity might get as Lucky as us one day …
Sadly, my wife and I have experienced a lot of what you write about. She is Japanese and we were both bilingual when we met, so we also sometimes get stares if we slip and speak in Japanese in public since I am white and people just assume she does not speak English (she speaks fluent English). The idea that she is some kind of subservient creature is so upsetting because she is a strong, tough person and is a feminist as well. Yet, as you say people who claim to be open minded just make assumptions based on her… Read more »
I’ve been married to an Asian woman 17 years my junior for many years; she is the light of my life. Do we catch a little Hell here and there, yes we do. Any mixed race couple will raise some eyebrows; it’s just human nature: “this is different than me?” “This makes me jealous!” Who knows all the myriad reasons, and who cares? Ultimately, I really wouldn’t worry about others’ opinions. You just have to walk your own path. If you find that you or wifey are being treated poorly and you suspect its racially motivated, challenge that potential racist;… Read more »
Thanks for weighing in here, Jake! Good to know there are a few kindred spirits reading this article.
Edomites, Men of Lawlessness
Teacher of Lies and Holders of the Dark Flame.
I’ve followed the 2 decades of exploitation you have done unto us.
Asians were considered subhuman? and who sweeped ALL asians with that brush? do you understand history?
I’d very much assert that the author does know his American history accurately enough to refer to the historical treatment of all Asians in the US as subhuman. In addition to the Japanese Interment during WW II, I can cite the California Alien Land Law Act of 1913 and the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882. Feel free to look those laws up if you are unfamiliar. Be warned though, it’s an ugly story. After familiarizing yourself with that nasty bit of US history, you may feel differently about contesting the author’s use of the word “subhuman.” As far as your… Read more »
Thanks for your comments, Jake! I’ll point out here too in support of my comment, that World War Two propaganda often portrayed Asians as either having greatly exaggerated features (buck tooth, big glasses, etc.), but often in the form of animals, snakes, etc.
Yes, they were. Go visit the old posters during the last three wars and the artists drew them as demons. Sad but true. The nazis also thought that they were all sort of down syndrome mutants because of their different features and this was one of the reasons they were persecuted with the Jews.
I always find it interesting when people in such relationships feel the need to so often ‘explain themselves’. I also find it interesting that they never want to talk about or consider WHY certain Inter-racial couplings are so much more common than others. (Just because one is in an I-R relationship does NOT mean one cannot also be racist or a fetishist.) Just as folks can be racist in deciding who they will NOT date, they can also be racist in who they ‘prefer’ to date. Also, here we have a white guy trying to ‘prove’ to us that he… Read more »
I have been bullied by white men with east Asian wives. If they are so happy why do most of these look shocked there children do not look white. I have half chinise friends who were terrified of being seen as chinise.
Your comment is full of generalizations. I’m half Korean half White and I am not terrified of being seen as Korean. In fact I embrace it more due to the rampant racism I’ve experienced from Whites in this country. There is nothing worst than a racist anti-Asian White Liberal. They are worst than racist conservatives which is why I only fight for POC on the left.
All children are beautiful; any parent who is ashamed of their child because of their race is a broken human being; I earnestly hope you were just making that story up for dramatic effect. I am sorry to be so direct, and your reply definitely reflects the racism that the author was discussing. You have lumped “White men with East Asian wives” into 1 big group wherein you criticize the lives of all based on the actions of very few. Think about that logic: how could total strangers all be the same? That’s the fallacy of racism! Reyna, I’m sorry… Read more »
My hope for you and every other white man and Asian woman couple is that you learn to love white femininity and Asian masculinity. May your daughters look white and bring home Asian son-in-laws. And may your sons look Asian and bring home white daughter-in-laws.
You might be an exception but majority of the white males who date asian women have yellow fever and brag about dating asian women. Not to mention, the attitude towards Asian men by humiliating them and mocking them shows how pathetic racists are white men. So many AMWF children end up having mental issues because of this.
Wow… you are as ignorant as you are brown…
I think you’re the ignorant one.
Your children will look Asian
You have no problem when a white man speaks in behalf of asian men but you can’t accept the opinion of a brown person? No wonder asian women are the most racist people.
Yellow fever is a myth. We are with Asian women because they are the most beautiful, have great personalities, great cultures, and are very intelligent. Mine wife is a Doctor. So save your BS stereotyping lies.
“Save your stereotyping lies?”
So (all/most?) Asian women are ‘beautiful, have great personalities, great cultures (whatever that means??!), and are very intelligent.’ Gee, who’s stereotyping (fetishizing) now? And I suppose from your wife’s perspective, (all/most) white men are
They are the most beautiful? LMAO no they aren’t. The vast majority look like trolls.
Most white girls are ugly ass hell too and look like counterparts with a wig. Youve been brainswashed by hollywood. Get a grip jealousy much
Glad to read this. I wish there were a way to combat this image that Asian women are poor little subservient beings and that they’re all the same. I’m Chinese American. When I studied in Germany on a Fulbright Scholarship, I had a German boyfriend from a small town. He told me that some of his neighbors thought he had bought me. It’s really insulting given the large number of strong women in Asia. In China there are more self made female billionaires than any other country. I think 40% of engineers are women. You can even see women as… Read more »
I think there is one glaring omission. Asian women and their white fetish. Funny how Asian women call it personal preference when they do it but for White men it’s called a “fetish”.
Yup many Asian women seem to have White fever.
I agree with you 100%. White Fever is just as prevalent, if not more, than ‘Yellow Fever’. One has to wonder…which came first, the chicken or the egg? How many men really simply ‘prefer’ Asian women, and how many decided they ‘preferred’ Asian women only once they realized how many Asian women have a ‘thing’ for white men, and essentially throw themselves at these men? Any non-asian man who has any sense of the world and an internet connection, understands FULLY WELL how easy it is for non-asian men to go to Asia to ‘find a wife’. There’s a reason… Read more »
Agreed. It’s definitely a fetish on their part.
You’re crushing that crappy stereotype, you go!
Oh calm down libby. The only race is human
Nobody’s ever called me “Libby” before, I kinda like that one. I may use it as one of my pen names.
I was 24 when I met my Thai wife. It did not save me from the racism. Now today, almost all my friends are immigrants. The others just gradually faded away with their comments and their mindless assumptions. Doesn’t matter how long we have known each other. Mindlessness has no ends.
I respect your stance and preference towards Asian women. If all white men were like you, I’d be totally okay with this, except for the fact that A LOT of white men harbor hate and disdain for Asian men. This is a big issue because essentially most white men are guilty of being hypocrites or exhibiting this double standard. This is a nasty, nasty, nasty trait that most white men possess and it must stop.
Thank you so much Dee, for actually reading the article and taking time to understand what it was all about. You are right that racism exists against Asian men (and Asians in general), something that all too often we are encouraged to ignore. There is an unfortunate sentiment that Asians are somehow not deserving of consideration when it comes to discussions of racism, because as a demographic in the U.S. they are somewhat more prosperous and better educated than average, and at least from what I have observed, there is some sense of resentment against them for succeeding as a… Read more »
Spot on Dan!
It would seem that this article has offended a great many people, and I have seen offensive comments on social media and other websites which have picked up the story, made by people who have failed to appreciate the message. I have been a writer for over 25 years and have learned that there will always be someone who doesn’t like what I write, and I make no apologies. This article was merely meant to relay some personal experiences, it would have been impossible to cover the whole range of racism against Asians in an 800 word article, and I… Read more »
Dan, for me, those comments about creepy pedophiles and go go girls stand on par with the “Jim Crow” bovine feces of the bad, old days. I would have been offended were it not so laughably ignorant, ha-ha!