The knight-in-shining-armor approach to combating men’s violence against women has outlived its usefulness in the #MeToo era. Now that women have proven beyond all doubt what we should have already known—that they can and will speak up for themselves in the context of sexual violence—”woke” men need to stop playing the role of savior.
As much as I hate to criticize what are clearly noble efforts to solve gun violence, bullying, sexual assault, misogyny, and other societal ills perpetrated mostly by men, what’s often missing from the discourse—whenever the focus is on men—is a woman’s agency.
To take a major example, when you hear the slogan “Men Can Stop Rape,” which is also the name of a prominent anti-violence organization, the false assumption could be made that women, or others who do not identify as men, cannot stop rape. I made this unfortunate assumption back in 2006 when I was first introduced not only to the organization but also to the concept of men organizing against sexism and violence against women. I was easily seduced by this concept despite the soft sexism that I (now) believe came with it. Of course, I did not see myself as a sexist at the time, but I did envision myself as a savior on a white horse attempting to rescue damsels from the evil clutches of more violent men.
I am exaggerating—but only slightly. It is no secret that some men will sink so low as to use their “woke” status for shallow seductive purposes (we called them “mactivists” in college) or for other selfish personal gain, such as a boost to an otherwise unsavory reputation. But even if the only consequence of this chivalrous fantasy is that the men who succumb to it achieve the psychological benefit of empowering themselves relative to women, it should still be scrapped in favor of a reality that positions all genders as partners in a shared struggle for justice.
While I do not dispute that women need some help from men if they are to succeed in building a more peaceful and equal society, I do not think the warrior archetype is the most appropriate means by which to appeal to men for their support. Men should not join the anti-violence movement to fulfill some childhood fantasy where they become the indispensable hero—they should join it because they have thoughtfully evaluated the existing data (including their own experiences) and determined, correctly, that women, along with other marginalized groups, are still subjugated by men, and that any person with a conscience should oppose this—whether he or she gets to play the hero or not.
In other words, men should not fight for gender justice because they are men but because they are human beings who believe in a better world for other human beings. To appeal to the warrior archetype in support of the noble cause of liberating women from violence and sexism, and then otherwise condemn it as “toxic masculinity” is not only inconsistent, it reinforces the same gender-based power dynamic that feminism seeks to transform.
Feminism encompasses so many diverse ideas that it would be more accurate to say “feminisms,” yet I have never heard any strain of feminism position men as the savior of women. To do so even implicitly serves to disempower women. Let’s get off our high horses and retire the savior complex once and for all.
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