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I’ve finally found a way to challenge myself again whilst meeting my writing and emotional needs. My ongoing journey to empower myself to be better; men to be better. This time I’m taking a different stance.
I’m challenging myself to start writing through my ongoing learning. What I’m learning now, and not what I’ve got licked. Previously, I’ve been writing about the done and dusted stuff that I’ve been over a thousand-million times, and you don’t want to hear that, maybe I even come across as a pretentious shithead at times. I’m sorry for that.
You know what’s been bugging me for the last few days as I scroll through my news feed of blog posts mixed with videos and a few semi-nude women here and there? No-one is challenging their current dynamic right now. Yes, I’m particularly looking at you, men. It frustrates the hell out of me that you guys are still sending willy shots to women and that this is actually a thing.
It frustrates the shit out of me that you guys, even at my age, think it’s acceptable to grope women, anywhere. It boggles my f**king mind that people will look at a narcissistic abusive relationship where a woman could be in danger, and you guys say, “Well, he’s like that, she should have known.”
We don’t challenge ourselves much, do we men? We really don’t. I know it, we like the easy life. Most of my friends do, and I bet you a thousand that their friends do. We just want to sit down, relax and have a stress free life. I can’t comment, I’m actually the same. I try my damndest to have the easiest life that I could ever have, and sometimes it irritates the hell out of my wife. Sometimes bad realizations need to be made to get good results
I think about the dynamic often, for as long as I’ve known about this whole men and women shit storm. I often wonder why women settle for ‘acceptable’ and not out of this damn world? It’s almost like women have accepted that the best they can look for is a lazy, untidy, shithead, and they all compete for the least lazy, untidy, shithead. What do you do in a limited gene pool, right? In a world full of dick flashers, street gropers, rapists, lazy bastards and minimizers — how do you choose?
Listen, I’m not saying women are perfect here, or all men are like this, but the idea is for you to have a look inwardly for once, men. Come on, let’s be real, you don’t do it often, do you?
I’m trying to learn though. I’m trying to understand how it’s ingrained in me that I would choose an easy option over standing up for what I believe in, and boy do I have some firm beliefs. I’m no groper, or dick swinger, but I definitely need to get better. For starters, I’m slowly understanding how minimizing my wife makes her feel like I don’t care about how she feels or thinks. We hear it in the bars or locker-rooms when we’re out with our mates and we talk about her being neurotic and a mess, or a nagger.
I’ve learned that we men have built up a team defense system of sorts — when she wants us to do something we simplify her wants and needs as moaning, nagging, bitching, all the while escaping fulfilling her needs by making her feel bad, or asking is not worthwhile. Then we talk to our chums in the bars, the locker rooms, the pubs, the gatherings and laugh about it as a sort of pat-on-the-back approval system. Safety in numbers when it comes to holding onto guilt.
I actually wasn’t made to do any work around the house as a kid, right up until I left home. It was really strange because right up until 21 I was a bouncy ball of energy yet I hadn’t lifted a finger to help my mother. I know, yes, it was her added guilt that we had no father figure in the home coupled with my refusal to do anything, and her having long hours at work made her feel guilt, with exhaustion and couldn’t cope with the battle of getting me to help more.
That’s no excuse to cling onto, though. I’m a lazy pig. And I need to do better.
I AM trying though, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this for kudos, only that if it sparks one man into process then that’s the train that I want. I want us to get off our arses and think for ourselves for a change. You should read a book about treating women better, not to gain an advantage. Oh yeah, it’s still unfathomable to me that you guys use pick up psychological tricks on women. I’m dead serious. What will you do when your bravado wears off and she’s left with the real you? No amount of psychological trick will cure that — you’ll have to finally deal with yourself and undo centuries of systemic sexism and not appear a humungous douchebag. Most women know these tricks anyway. They read the damn books themselves.
You know I listen to my wife far better now? I asked her the other day about my listening skills with her and she had no issues with me at present. I was like “Yassss!” And if an old dog like me can be taught new tricks through working on himself then you can too. You have to start somewhere man. Or we’ll live in a world where both sexes are continually at each other’s throats, and I’ll warn you that women are well ahead of the game. I’ve seen hundreds, if not thousands of posts from women on how to be better partners in their relationships. From men? I think I can count them on my hand.
Look, guys. I’m sure you’re bored by now of me telling you what to do and how to live in cloud lala-land and be awesome. Why not speak to your partner? I always ask my wife, “Ok, what irritates you about me?” and we work on it. I look it up, read stories, get help. Like how I got help for my porn addiction. I had to research that myself. Whatever it takes, that’s how we survive together. I’m realising that there’s no listicle that can help this, everyone has their own problems.
Time to start working on it, friends.
Be the author of your own story for a change.
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