If you’re feeling hopeless take apart the heavy rope and look at what the parts of your depression are. I can work directly on some of my issues. I can write about some of the others.
divorce and depression
I’m sad sometimes about the amount of time I have lost of my kids’ childhoods. I long some days for them to be 5 and 7 again and be loving, cuddling little beings. But they are teenagers heading back to high school. I find myself getting depressed as school starts back up for my children.
I talked to my daughter this weekend about setting up my second bedroom for her. “I want more time with you. More time just being around you. I miss you.” I could tell she was feeling the same things. It was a touching moment between us as we looked at each other in the Apple Store on 5th Avenue in New York City.
I do believe kids come first. But I also believe that dads are just as important as moms in the parenting equation. I think the modern research now shows that dads provide just as much nurturing and just as much security as moms.
The old trope has it that mothers provide the love and nurturing in the family and dad’s provide the money and the discipline. In some sense, the emotional roles, the emotional center of our family was actually around me. I was the go-get’m dad.
What I’m coming to is this: we are where we are for a reason. I am in this place to heal. I am alone to learn to be alone again. I am unemployed because I need to learn to value my work in a way that doesn’t compromise or destroy my personal life.
I really wanted to disappear. I didn’t directly want to kill myself, but I could see the appeal of not waking up in the morning.
At the beginning of a divorce things are often emotional and fast. This primer will help you understand the big issues you are facing.
Co-parenting is about accepting the other person for who they are, exactly as they are, and holding them in the best light you can.
Down has become the new up, and I have become a new single dad, still committed to his kids, and in many ways, to his ex-wife as well.
That my ex-wife has found new love is a wonderful thing for her, and for my kids. She deserves to be happy. And the happier she is the happier my kids are, and tangentially, the happier I am as well.
By building back yourself, while you are alone, you can re-find your own priorities and joys in life.
The author lost his core happiness during the closing days of his marriage and the opening days of his divorce. Here is how he found joy again.
John McElhenney lost almost everything in his divorce. But he’s still happy. Really happy.
So much of the time, recovering from divorce is about recovering from depression. Whether “Clinical” or “temporary,” depression is a bitch.