There are currently 7.6 billion people in the world and counting. It seems absurd to believe that there’s just one person in the world for you. And if so, the odds of you actually finding them in crowd that large are substantially small. If you believe in the one, you may also believe in fate or destiny, and believe that you are destined to be with whoever you end up with, which is reassuring. Of course, if you don’t believe in destiny and the one – and I’m not sure that I do – then how do you know if you are with the right person? One way to figure that out is to start with signs that you’re with the wrong person.
One warning sign is how often you fight. You shouldn’t be fighting constantly, all the time. Fighting and arguments in a relationship can be positive, but it shouldn’t be all the time, every day. If you find that you are continually arguing with one another, you need to have an honest conversation with your partner where you address what is causing the arguments and those destructive behavioural patterns. You may also want to speak to a relationship therapist. I’m a big fan of therapy, and it’s certainly helped my relationship. A good therapist can help you address the root of your issues and hopefully lead to a more positive future for both of you together.
If talking about the issue and seeing a professional doesn’t solve the problem, and if the problem is intractable, you might want to consider parting ways. Arguments can be healthy, but if they are the main focus of your relationship, then you need to consider if this is a healthy relationship dynamic or whether you are in a toxic relationship. In an unhealthy relationship, one person becomes the taker while the other becomes the giver. In this situation, one person can feel used and rundown. One gets everything they need from the relationship, and the other gets nothing. It’s also possible that you are in a relationship where you feel controlled or manipulated by your partner. This can be very subtle, and it’s not always apparent to the person in the relationship that this is happening.
On the flip side, you might think that sharing the exact same interests and likes as someone is a positive sign that the two of you should be together – and it does seem like similar people end up together more often than not. But are they happier than people with different interests? There is some evidence that opposites can attract – depending on the metrics we’re using. If you agree with everything that your partner says and does and have the exact same personality type, life can get boring. There’s a balance here, but finding someone who challenges you in a positive way is a good step.
There are many signs that you have found the person that you are supposed to be with. Trust is crucial: you have to know for sure that you have chosen the right individual to spend the rest of your life with, somebody who will support you. Many relationships end due to a lack of trust. If trust lead to a breakup, you may want to work to get your ex back. Trust can be rebuilt even when it has been broken with time and effort, though it won’t be easy. Once trust has been broken, it takes a lot of work from both sides to trust again.
In a relationship, think about how your partner makes you feel. If they are the right person for you, they may make you feel complete, as if they are a missing part of you. That said – being too dependent on your partner will put them under an enormous amount of pressure and put a strain on the relationship. You should be able to live without them, but be stronger with them. It’s a give and take, but when you can trust and rely on one another, you both grow through the relationship. If the relationship is too dependent you will constantly be lost when they are not around, and this is no way to live.
Can you see a future with your partner? If you have found the one, you should be able to see where your life could go with them and imagine your future as a happy one. Whether or not you have children, can you see your partner and you in the future as a family unit? You should feel excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. Before I met my wife, I didn’t think as much about my future – I lived day-to-day. With my partner, I imagine us in our 90’s, joking together just like we do now. It’s a comforting thought. However that looks to you, if you can see a real future with your partner – that’s a good sign.
You should share the jobs and chores in your relationship. This will help create an equal model where you can both rely on and support one another as much as possible. Ideally, if you have found the right partner for you, they will make you stronger as an individual, and you will do the same for them. In a relationship, it won’t always be perfect and sometimes it can be hard. You won’t always have great wealth, a beautiful home or a great job. You may not always be able to afford the little luxuries in life. But if you have found the one that won’t matter. You won’t care what you’re doing as long as you’re together. Eating pizza on the sofa and watching Netflix can be just as special as sharing a gourmet meal and heading to the theatre. This is when you know that you have found the right person for you.
They will make your world and your life brighter, and help you both become stronger people.